My husbands ex gave him a letter on our wedding day!

[Baybee9404]

To make a long story short my husbands ex girlfriend has had it out for me since the day i started dating him back in December 2002. They have a 4 year old daughter that has special needs together. She was born in January 2003. They dated for like a month and she got pregnant so my husband stayed with her to take care of his responsibilities and 2 month before the baby was born he broke it off with her because they didnt get along with each other at all. We got married 2 weeks ago and on the day of our wedding the ex went to my house and gave my husband a letter to read before he made the biggest mistake of his life which she called it, i was not there because it was the day of our wedding and the bridal party was at my moms house getting ready to leave for the church, while the men stayed at our house to get ready. I heard this story last night from my husbands brother who let it slip thinking that his brother told me already about what she did but he didnt. I confronted my husband about it and he said oh yea she did the letter is in my draw i never opened it. So i went to go get the letter from his draw and it was too opened. I asked him why he didnt tell me about this and he said because it was our wedding day and i wanted you to have the best day of your life and if i told you, you would be mad. I asked him why he didnt tell me anytime afterwards and that it is sad i have to hear it from someone else. He said i didnt care what she has to say i married you right not her. Should i be worried that he tried to keep this from me and actually lied right to my face about not reading the love letter, when he in fact did. ( The letter was just a bunch i love you, i should be the one walking down the aisle to marrry you not her, we are a family, we have a daughter together, i miss you blah blah can we give it another shot)

[Art_Critic]

Here is my take on it...

 

She wrote and gave him the letter.. he didn't ask her too... Just about all guys would've not told you about it..

He lied because he was being the peace keeper and knew how you would react..

The thing that bothers me is :

 

Why in the hell did he keep the letter ?

Why would he have not thrown it in the garbage ?

 

I wouldn't be as upset over the lie or him not saying anything as much as I'd be upset over why he kept the love letter..

 

Oh. by the way.. I wouldn't trust the ExGF .. Ever...

[luvtoto]

OP, you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. How is this your husband's fault? He's a victim of her stupidness.

 

His ex just humiliated herself completely!

 

Behavior like hers is very childish. Someday, she will grow up, and look back on what she did and simply cringe in embarassment. I guarantee it.

 

I would seriously just laugh at her, and be happy.

 

Who gives a crap what she thinks of you, or what she has to say to your ex. She's just bitter & jealous! This is her problem, not yours.

[guin_girl]

No contact = If you didn't want all of me when you had me, you don't get none of me now!

 

LOVE THAT!!!

[quankanne]

look, he figured that you were prolly going to be upset whether he told you on y'alls wedding day or waited for a better time … my guess is that he meant it when he said he didn't want to ruin your special day, and frankly, for a guy, that's a pretty sensitive and generous thing to do.

 

whether he read the letter or not doesn't matter – I'd be surprised if he HADN'T read it, because we humans are a curious lot.

 

look, in a marriage there are issues that you debate and there are issues you let die a natural death. As much as it may kill you knowing that his ex pulled a fast one like this, you need to concentrate on the fact that he chose YOU to spend his life with, and her letter is one of those annoying little things you ought to brush aside. Otherwise, you're going to make your marriage a miserable place where neither of you will want to be.

 

or to put it more succinctly – do you really want to give that woman a strong foothold in your marriage? The more you stew or obsess over her letter, the more she takes over your marriage.

 

follow his lead and forget about the damned thing, and instead concentrate on your new life with him. I don't imagine she's going to call off her campaign to "convince" him that she's where he's supposed to be in life, but so long as you don't give her any manuevering space by feeding into her ploys, you should be all right.

 

like I said, in a marriage there are certain issues that you let die a natural death because they just aren't worth your energy fretting over.

[stace79]

You know, the thing that gets me....Why, oh why, must women act like such conniving, backstabbing, manipulative biatches???

 

I just don't get it...once you break up, that's it. You're done. Over. Move on. If I found out an ex was dating/marrying someone new, I wouldn't keep after him. If it hurt me, I would keep my distance until my romantic feelings were over with. Then and only then might I ATTEMPT a friendship with the ex. It is simply wrong, inconsiderate and awful for an ex to keep doing that.

 

I know the man here is as much to blame for allowing the behavior, but as a woman, I just see it as simple respect for other women.

 

I would ask him, out of respect for your feelings, to throw away the letter. I agree that I wouldn't have told my man on the day of our wedding if I received a love letter from an ex either....I agree that's the wrong time to tell about it. But he should be open to how it makes you feel now that you know.

[norajane]

I guess, for me, my primary concern wouldn't be the letter, but what the letter represents: a situation where the mother of his child is still in love with my husband, and she feels free to continue pursuing him even on his wedding day.

 

Yes, I'd ask him to toss the letter. But first, I'd explain that it is not her actions that concern me as much as his actions and how he feels. Yes, he married you, but he also has the kind of relationship with his ex where he allows her to have these feelings and express them.

 

I would ask him to come right out and tell his ex that giving him that letter - especially on his wedding day - was inappropriate and out of line. I would ask him to tell her that he will, of course, be a father to his child, but they will not have any other communications, especially not the personal kind. And I would ask him to tell her that he respects his marriage vows, and that he cannot allow her to entertain any hope that he will ever return to her, that she needs to move on.

[Art_Critic]

I would ask him to come right out and tell his ex that giving him that letter - especially on his wedding day - was inappropriate and out of line. I would ask him to tell her that he will, of course, be a father to his child, but they will not have any other communications, especially not the personal kind. And I would ask him to tell her that he respects his marriage vows, and that he cannot allow her to entertain any hope that he will ever return to her, that she needs to move on.

 

This is VERY good strong advice...

Drawing the line with the ex is something that needs to be done as she is in the picture for the next 18 or so years..

[quankanne]

but he also has the kind of relationship with his ex where he allows her to have these feelings and express them.

 

somehow I get the impression that no matter WHAT he were to tell her, the ex is the type of person who would insist on believing that she was justified in pursuing him because she still had feelings for him.

[stace79]

but he also has the kind of relationship with his ex where he allows her to have these feelings and express them.

 

somehow I get the impression that no matter WHAT he were to tell her, the ex is the type of person who would insist on believing that she was justified in pursuing him because she still had feelings for him.

 

I hate those types of women.

[norajane]

but he also has the kind of relationship with his ex where he allows her to have these feelings and express them.

 

somehow I get the impression that no matter WHAT he were to tell her, the ex is the type of person who would insist on believing that she was justified in pursuing him because she still had feelings for him.

 

That could very well be true. I'd feel better, though, if he agreed to draw the line very clearly, just in case he hadn't...and a lot of men don't, for whatever reason. It's more his actions that are important than hers.

[VinaAmez]

Honestly he should have thrown the letter away. I'd ask why he felt the need to hang onto it. At least he didn't listen to what she said. So that does say something.

 

Since a child is involved he's always going to be there unless he chooses not to.

 

Boundries need to be set and your H not you, needs to make it clear that she must stop her love games and that he has no place for her in his heart. What does he think this is a game? If he doesn't and allows this to continue and for her to do what she pleases, I can't say for sure what would happen but you don't want something like her placing a wedge between you too.

 

congratulations by the way!

[luvtoto]

Can't rationalize with an irrational person. That lady is crazy, delusional, and is living in deep denial-ville.

 

Who knows what she is capable of. She's got balls that's for sure.

 

If it were me, I would just ignore her immature attempt to get to my H. I would see it for what it is. I would consider the source.

 

If they had this whole secret thing going on, then why did she need to write a letter about it in the first place? Because, she couldn't say it to his face. Who knows, she prolly has before, and he shot her down. This letter was a last ditch effort to get him back. But, it failed.

 

Your H didn't even care enough about it to bring it up. He probably just wants it to end as well. I can see why he didn't say anything. Talk about opening a can of worms!

 

I would whole heartedly believe my husband, and ignore her *issues*.

 

Guess what I am trying to say is, don't add fuel to her flame. Take the high road.

[Romeo Must Die]

Agreed unanimously with all of the above.

 

Writing a letter to your hubby on your wedding day. How much more pathetic can she get?

 

Your beloved was just trying to save your special day. Its a great idea that he saved the letter in case you may require a restraining order in the future.

 

Dont read anything else into it. Tell this psychotic bitch to take a hike.

 

[luvtoto]

Tell this psychotic bitch to take a hike.

..and to grow up.

 

Do not throw away that letter either.

[a4a]

Keep the letter ....... hoping there is a date on it. Just in case this nut decides to get nuttier.

 

It might come in handy for a future restraining order if it is needed.

 

As for the rest, your H needs to set her straight, to the point with her.

 

I so hate the stalker X's. Dealt with one of these as well myself. GAK!

[Sevenmack]

Is he sleeping with her again? No? Then don't worry about the letter.

Is he having romantic feelings for her again? No? Don't worry about the letter.

Is he having lunches and dinners with her? No? Don't worry about the letter.

 

Why did he keep it? Likely because all human beings are pack-rats, especially if the kept materials include things that can serve as a sign that you are victorious over a person or someone has admitted a failing. He could have seen it as a sign that she's still not over him and he's victorious. Or perhaps he just forgot to toss it away. Life happens like that.

 

Get over the letter, get over her, stop bothering him about it and move on. All you're doing is creating tension in your relationship -- and life will provide plenty of tension for your relationship without you adding more.