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GUYS: i DON'T want to date you- Rejection recovery???

Hyacinth123

By Hyacinth123
in General Relationship Discussion

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Hyacinth123 Member

Hyacinth123

Posted
Posted

How long does it take a guy to recover from rejection?

What's the chance the friendship will remain?

 

Conditions:

 

* Finally got the nerve to ask her out after 2 years of being "just friends"

* The first girl you really 'fell' for

* Personality= Brainy Introvert with a hidden sensitive side

Just1More Member

Just1More

Posted
Posted
How long does it take a guy to recover from rejection?

What's the chance the friendship will remain?

 

Conditions:

 

* Finally got the nerve to ask her out after 2 years of being "just friends"

* The first girl you really 'fell' for

* Personality= Brainy Introvert with a hidden sensitive side

 

1.depends on the person really could be 2 days could be 6 months

2.slim to none, but could be a acception but doubtful

TheDC Established Member

TheDC

Posted
Posted

Honestly, I don't ever want to be friends again with someone I dated and broke up with. Especially if I was the dumpee.

Moai Established Member

Moai

Posted
Posted

It will take exactly as long as it takes to replace you. Could be weeks, could be years. Or days. Once he finds another chick to focus on, he won't think of you anymore.

 

See, the whole time that you were friends he was hoping for something more. That is what kept him around. Now that he knows you aren't interested, he has no reason to be friends with you.

 

Chances are the friendship is over, at least at the level it was. You'l notice that you see less and less of him until pretty soon you just say "hi" to each other in passing.

CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

Posted
Posted
How long does it take a guy to recover from rejection?

What's the chance the friendship will remain?

 

Conditions:

 

* Finally got the nerve to ask her out after 2 years of being "just friends"

* The first girl you really 'fell' for

* Personality= Brainy Introvert with a hidden sensitive side

 

Relationships usually go one direction. Very rarely do they go backwards.

 

Meeting -> Aquaintance -> Friend -> Dating -> Marriage

 

You can usually only go ---> way. You can't really go <----.

 

Why? Because once your feelings progress, remaining friends with an ex, especially one you have romantic feelings for will serve only to keep you down, depressed and delay your recovery.

 

I ask this a lof of people and rarely get an answer.

 

"What would you get from being friends with an ex that you could not get from any other friend?"

 

For me it's nothing. The only reason to stay friends with an ex is to try and keep them at arms length so when they become available again you can pounce on the chance to win them back. Might as well beat your head up against a wall because it will usually accomplish the same thing.

 

You're better off writing them off after you have progressed to dating and failure. At least that's my view on it.

 

As for rejection the best way I have learned to deal with it is to keep my pipeline full. I always have 3 prospects now that I am hanging out with. Not necessarily dating but hanging out, dinner, etc. This gives me a chance to evaluate them (no sex mind you, just hanging out) and decide who is the best fit for me. If one doesn't work out or isn't feeling it I simply replace them with someone else.

 

It allows me to relax and let the relationship progress normally without any unnecessary pressure or expectations (that word is key here!). I think any relationship where expectations are kept low and things can move at a slow pace are the best. Remember, relationships that start off like a rocket are sure to come down as fast.

AwkwardMan Member

AwkwardMan

Posted
Posted

I'm like the guy you described, so I'd put it at a week or less, if ever.

 

I just don't see me disappearing for a month and then being friends again.

dgiirl Established Member

dgiirl

Posted
Posted

Depends if you dated him or not.

 

If you dated him, and then rejecting him, i think friendship is pretty much out, as it probably should be. If he's an ex, he should probably remain an ex. Until both of you have moved on, friendship is nearly impossible. Usually one or the other want to be friends because they're hoping something else will develop from it.

 

If you met, and he quickly asked you out, and you rejected him, friendship is possible, but it depends on him if he wants a friendship.

 

If you guys were really close, like best friends, and then after 2 years he finally asked you out and you rejected him, friendship is going to be awkward!

 

In all cases, if you were super best friends, hanging out every day, etc, and he has interest, I dont think the friendship will stay the same. He will focus more of his attention on future women. If you are a real friend, you will want him too!

 

 

I've had two guy friends who showed interest in me in the last 6 months. I've rejected both and kept my distance from them, but I'm still friends with them. They are now dating other people which I'm really happy about :) I know I wouldnt be able to make them as happy as they currently are in their current relationships, and they both deserve to be happy!

Salicious Crumb Established Member

Salicious Crumb

Posted
Posted
How long does it take a guy to recover from rejection?

 

recover is almost immediate. I was rejected by a girl that showed her true, "mean girl" like colors once way back in my early college days.

 

Only asked her out on a date because I thought she was nice...but I found out different. When she told me I was not her "type", she tried to play it off as if she was worried that she hurt me.

 

I just said, "you?...hurt me?" "I just wanted to know if you wanted to go to the movies...don't flatter yourself"...then hooked up with friends and played basketball.

norajane Established Member

norajane

Posted
Posted
How long does it take a guy to recover from rejection?

What's the chance the friendship will remain?

 

Conditions:

 

* Finally got the nerve to ask her out after 2 years of being "just friends"

* The first girl you really 'fell' for

* Personality= Brainy Introvert with a hidden sensitive side

 

Brainy introverted sensitive guy who finally asks out the only girl he ever fell for and was rejected? Um, that's going to hurt for a long, long time. He's been carrying a torch for you for 2 years; no way he's going to be able to be "just friends" with you until he gets over you and starts dating someone else. He might try the friends route, but it will hurt him and he'll have to step back, especially if he sees you dating someone else.

 

Any hope for a true friendship with this guy is going to be months or years from now.

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Hyacinth123 Member

Hyacinth123

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for all your replies...

 

It basically confirmed what I've been dreading.:sick:

 

Re:Salicious Crumb- recovery is almost immediate.
- This was because her meanness cut the need to recover, I don't think this will be the case for me :(

Re:Caliguy- Relationships usually go one direction. Very rarely do they go backwards.

 

Meeting -> Aquaintance -> Friend -> Dating -> Marriage

 

You can usually only go ---> way. You can't really go <----.

 

- Thanks for the diagram!:)

 

 

We never dated, I told him upfront when I saw where he was heading where I stood, so it never got messy. I'm just so distraught by this, I guess friendships with unattached men shouldn't be formed to begin with, just keep it casual.

 

Do guys soley get to know a girl only if they're interested in her? I don't operate this way so it's hard to comprehend, I try to get to know anyone I really like whether there's interest or not. Is it just a girl thing to want guys as " just friends"?

Moai Established Member

Moai

Posted
Posted
Do guys soley get to know a girl only if they're interested in her? I don't operate this way so it's hard to comprehend, I try to get to know anyone I really like whether there's interest or not. Is it just a girl thing to want guys as " just friends"?

 

Yes to both. Guys don't become close with women they don't want to have sex with--with rare exceptions.

 

IT does seem like the "just friends" thing is a woman thing. Women and men both separate sex and feelings, but they do it differently. For a woman, it seems like she can have all the great platonic feelings for a man, love to hang out with him and talk to him and have an intimate bond in that way, but not see him as sexual at all. A man can't.

 

A man can be sexual and physical and have no emotional attachment whatsoever, whereas women can't.

TheDC Established Member

TheDC

Posted
Posted

Well men and women can be friends but if one of them is already attached it makes things easier. I hang out with a few married women and while they are fun to be with I wasn't attracted to them simply because they were already in a relationship. OTOH the single women I was around seemed more attractive to me. But now that I'm in a relationship other women single or otherwise don't attract me as much.

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