BenThereDunThat Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 I used to think that way too, BB. But pretty much every situation is the same in these instances. I'll grant you a very, very small percentage. But only that much. The rest are all the same. And it has been proven, here and elsewhere, time and again.
Babybird Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 It has been proven, yes, I agree. Could be wishful thinking on my part that my MM will be one of the small percentages that is different. I think there are real feelings though. Love? Maybe, maybe not. But feelings with friendship, affection, kindness, and genuine concern. Even if I wasn't with my MM I would care for him as a person. I like him as a person and did for a long time before there was anything between us.
puddleofmud Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 FF: I am with RMD about the closure thing in this kind of situation. Thinking about what HE is thinking and wishing for reactions won't bring you any closure--it will drive you crazy. Some times a man is just a JERK and that is all the closure we will get! The point of no contact is to give yourself some time to end the drama IN YOUR OWN head. It is perfectly all right to have these thoughts (we all do and it is just human) but try to remember they are just like tapes that continue to run through your head, left-over crap. Visualise your pretty little finger on a big red STOP button and turn them off! Hugs to you!
BenThereDunThat Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 It has been proven, yes, I agree. Could be wishful thinking on my part that my MM will be one of the small percentages that is different. I think there are real feelings though. Love? Maybe, maybe not. But feelings with friendship, affection, kindness, and genuine concern. Even if I wasn't with my MM I would care for him as a person. I like him as a person and did for a long time before there was anything between us. This is just exactly it. Affairs hinge on just EXACTLY your post above. As long as there is someone who holds onto that 'wishful thinking' (even knowing that she should NOT), then those affairs will go on. And on. And on, and so on.... It is SO EASY to make someone who WANTS to believe that this is "different," my MM is not the "same as YOUR MM,"....that whole, 'yes, I see how your affair is WRONG, but that's just not the case with MINE' mentality. I am not going off on you here, trust me. I know that mentality. I lived that mentality. Seriously. They.Are.All.The.Same.! Like I said, I will grant you the VERY small percentage. But that percentage truly is VERY SMALL....
frannie Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Of course it can be love between affair partners. Just the same as it can be love between any other two people. The fact that one or both of those people are married to other people doesn't affect how their hearts work. What is more common where affairs are concerned is 're-writing the past' to fit new facts... when someone decides to go back to their marriage of course it's convenient to imagine that those feelings weren't 'real'. Same way it's convenient to imagine that you never 'really' loved any of your exes... because it feels better to have found your 'one true love' in the present. But just because two people love each other (in an affair) it doesn't mean that they're going to end up together. Things don't necessarily work out that way. True love doesn't conquer all. People often can't or won't move heaven and earth just because they fell in love. There are other things to be taken into consideration. People often give up romantic love because of wider issues. That's life.
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