TheTathagata Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I have been married for 4 years now to a woman that I sincerely love. However, I have recently fallen for a co-worker whose personality is so much like mine that it scares me at times. I have never met a woman who understands me in the ways that she does and so now I am confused. To make matters worse, she is married also. We have gone out on a few 'dates' under the guise of friendship and our relationship just seems so natural. Having this much chemistry with another woman makes it extremely difficult for me to feel the same way about my wife...I'm not exactly sure on how my 'friend' feels towards me but it seems like she is giving me hints. I am so confused...what should i do?
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 You have afew decisions to make and soon. 1)Confess to your wife that you DO love her, but have fallen deeply inlove with someone else and you want a divorce. DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, she doesn't deserve that. Let her go find someone else so she can find true love. Ofcourse your feelings for your wife are mixed up, you're "inlust" with someone else while loving your wife, and what that means is, the crush, sexual attraction, you feel for the other married woman has taken over and you're TOO emotionally attached to her. You are giving away that love, that energy and all your desire for someone else... 2)Don't do it. End the friendship with this married woman, NO good can come of it. Youll hurt your wife, her husband, and do you have kids? Does she? Let alone your work reputation, all that you've worked for? Kiss it goodbye. Your friends, neighbours, house, inlaws, ... ALL of it will change. Plus, I bet your wife knows you real well so it wouldn't be long before she found out the truth. You love your wife and dont' want to hurt her? Remember your vows! LIVE BY THEM. It's OK to have a crush, and ofcourse at times people are attracted to others while being married, just don't act upon it or let it escalate to the point of an affair. Right now i'ts an emotional affair - End it before it gets to be physical. Hope this helps and I suggest you go read some posts in the OW/OM section so you know what you're up against, and also some posts in the infidelty section to read about betrayed spouses and the pain they endour while finding out about their cheating partners. Remember, the choice is yours...So, if you cheat, take FULL responsibility for your actions, and accept the consquences. Don't blame your wife if you're unhappy or she's not meeting your needs. If you DO happen to have problems in your marriage, fix them by going to marriage counselling - Don't turn to another woman. It's just selfish and cruel. Good luck and keep posting.
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 You shoud stop going on dates with your co-worker. You should stop talking to her in an intimate way. You should get a grip and dial it back into a professional relationship. Anything other than that will have you continuing on your destructive path. You should channel that energy into reconnecting with you wife, whom you sincerely love. You should look into her eyes and imagine how you'd feel if you betrayed her further, if she found out, if she realized that you had tossed aside everything you've built together for an infatuation. Look, workplace chemistry is common. People meet, they spend lots of time together, they get to know each other, and they become attracted. So what? You don't have to act on the attraction, no matter how strong you think it is. It will fade, as does all attraction if it is not fed. I know, I know, she's your soul mate. Bladeeblah. Loving someone is an action, a choice. You chose to love your wife and forsake all others. You didn't choose to love your wife until someone else came along that made you take notice. What is more important to you - your life with your wife, or an affair with a married woman? Do you want to hold your head high and have the respect of the woman you married? Do you want to sneak around and lie to her? Do you want to break your vows and destroy your self-respect, your marriage, and your life? Do you want to get caught, lose your wife's trust, end up in divorce court? Do you want to be that repentant husband who tries to regain your wife's trust after you smashed it to bits? Ever been in a car accident? Once the frame is bent, the car is totalled. There's no going back.
Krytellan Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Hmm. It's one thing if your wife treats you poorly or is abusive in some way. If this isn't the case, you need to get a grip. You didn't marry your wife "for better or until someone else comes along whose personality is closer to mine than yours so lets spend some time married until that happens OK?" You married her because you loved her, and you say you still do. When you married did you think for one minute that there was NO ONE ELSE in the world that you could be compatible with? I sure hope not. My personal opinion is step up to the plate and be a man. You married... deal with it. Don't let this other woman make you feel bad about your marriage... let your marriage dictate how you see this other woman. As a friend and nothing more. THIS is why America has such a high divorce rate and it's sickening. I come off strong and I'm sorry. I just wish people could take marriage more seriously. It's really sad that it's become nothing more than dating to people involved.
hopeto Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Hmm. It's one thing if your wife treats you poorly or is abusive in some way. If this isn't the case, you need to get a grip. You didn't marry your wife "for better or until someone else comes along whose personality is closer to mine than yours so lets spend some time married until that happens OK?" You married her because you loved her, and you say you still do. When you married did you think for one minute that there was NO ONE ELSE in the world that you could be compatible with? I sure hope not. My personal opinion is step up to the plate and be a man. You married... deal with it. Don't let this other woman make you feel bad about your marriage... let your marriage dictate how you see this other woman. As a friend and nothing more. THIS is why America has such a high divorce rate and it's sickening. I come off strong and I'm sorry. I just wish people could take marriage more seriously. It's really sad that it's become nothing more than dating to people involved. I love your last statement. I wish my husband loved me enough. I am the same way about marriage.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I have been married for 4 years now to a woman that I sincerely love. However, I have recently fallen for a co-worker whose personality is so much like mine that it scares me at times. Well summed in your first two sentences. Temptation is part of married life, we all face it. I would ask you this - what happens if you leave your wife for this co-worker and then fall for someone else? At some point you have to decide what marriage means. If, in addition to sex and love, it means respect and comittment, then the answer is simple. You work hard at making the best of what you have, forsaking all others. Only you can decide. I hope it works out for you. Mr. Lucky
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I would ask you this - what happens if you leave your wife for this co-worker and then fall for someone else? Or, you leave your wife for the co-worker and then the co-worker dumps you afew months or even afew weeks later? Are you willing to throw away your marriage for unsure bet? A case of "is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?" Think about it...
norajane Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Or, you leave your wife for the co-worker and then the co-worker dumps you afew months or even afew weeks later? Are you willing to throw away your marriage for unsure bet? A case of "is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?" Think about it... Not to mention, the co-worker is married as well, so it's not likely she's going to just drop her marriage to be with the OP anyway...the grass is muddy on the other side of the fence.
Peony Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Go for it I say! I'm a married woman feeling the same way about a married male co-worker and I'd just love for him to make the first move - just see where it goes and have some fun
Guest Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I was unhappily married for 15 years and met a man who actually married the same day. We were friends forever and did everything together. Our spouses weren't bad people, we just couldn't spend the next 20 years with them. When we were friends we shopped together, helped each other with chores and errands. We have been married for 5 years and could not be happier. We are the major caregivers for our kids and have pretty good relationahips with the former spouses. We actually kept clear of each other when we decided to divorce for a few months which made everything easier and we knew that we needed to be together. We are so well suited and do the one thing that we never did with our former spouses, communicate. I know we are probably the fairy tale but the fairy tale occurs sometimes. After 5 years we can not stand to spend the night apart.
Dadaal Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I have been married for 4 years now to a woman that I sincerely love. However, I have recently fallen for a co-worker whose personality is so much like mine that it scares me at times. I have never met a woman who understands me in the ways that she does and so now I am confused. To make matters worse, she is married also. We have gone out on a few 'dates' under the guise of friendship and our relationship just seems so natural. Having this much chemistry with another woman makes it extremely difficult for me to feel the same way about my wife...I'm not exactly sure on how my 'friend' feels towards me but it seems like she is giving me hints. I am so confused...what should i do? Interesting!! Before you do anything, listen yourself and your heart.Llook at what you want and DO.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I have been married for 4 years now to a woman that I sincerely love. However, I have recently fallen for a co-worker If you have fallen for someone else, then no....you do not sincerely love your wife whose personality is so much like mine that it scares me at times. I have never met a woman who understands me in the ways that she does and so now I am confused. To make matters worse, she is married also. We have gone out on a few 'dates' under the guise of friendship and our relationship just seems so natural. Having this much chemistry with another woman makes it extremely difficult for me to feel the same way about my wife...I'm not exactly sure on how my 'friend' feels towards me but it seems like she is giving me hints. I am so confused...what should i do? End it...especially if you have children....think about the lives you are going to be destroying and quit thinking with this entitlement attitude.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Hmm. It's one thing if your wife treats you poorly or is abusive in some way. If this isn't the case, you need to get a grip. You didn't marry your wife "for better or until someone else comes along whose personality is closer to mine than yours so lets spend some time married until that happens OK?" You married her because you loved her, and you say you still do. When you married did you think for one minute that there was NO ONE ELSE in the world that you could be compatible with? I sure hope not. My personal opinion is step up to the plate and be a man. Exactly....... be a man.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Go for it I say! I'm a married woman feeling the same way about a married male co-worker and I'd just love for him to make the first move - just see where it goes and have some fun Yah!....have some fun...wreck a couple homes...destroy some lives...hurt people and the kids in their lives.....sounds like a plan! Great advice Peony!!
EnigmasMuse Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Go for it I say! I'm a married woman feeling the same way about a married male co-worker and I'd just love for him to make the first move - just see where it goes and have some fun And when the fun ends you will be where? Just remember that even if the grass looks greener on the other side, it still has to be maintained.
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