clearnow Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Ohh. I wish I had known about this forum long ago! It would have helped me A LOT! I have lots to say. So pls bear with me, I'll just give the highlights. The break-up with my ex was quite awhile ago. Almost a year now. We lived in together in my family's house for 8 months straight and stopped living in with me consistently because we found out I was pregnant and also because I got so jealous of his long time best girl friend flirting with him SO MUCH that we started fighting. He would stay with me a lot though on and of for the next 5 months, breaking up on and off because of lots of little reasons and his friend would still flirt with him and I would get to read all their messages. SHe even wrote him that she would love to get my baby when I gave birth and start a family with him!!! He finally broke up with me while I was pregnant and I was pretty set on not talking to him or seeing him after that especially since he made it clear to a lot of people how he doesn't really want to make time for the baby and because he mistreated me a lot verbally. But after a month of not talking to me, on my 8th month of pregnancy, he was so sweet, trying his best to be intimate (succeeded ) with me and clingy. He'd talk to me everyday how depressed and problematic he was and how we'd be good together. I asked him then if that means we'd get back together but he was being very vague about it. Then when I gave birth, he started distancing himself from me. It started when I was staying at the hospital (since I had a difficult pregnancy). He'd be sweet and all but at night, he'd leave, saying he needed to 'work' (I later on found out, he threw get togethers at his house. I found out much later). A week after I gave birth, he left the baby and I with my family to go out of the country for work. He'd chat with me online everyday and would act jealous when people would visit me, especially guys (since he thought even though I had just given birth, I'd attract guys). Then one day, he just started acting really cold and at time really pissed at me. It made me cry day and night and it made it difficult for me to care for my baby. My ex later on came back from being out of the country after a month. He didn't inform me right away that he was back nor did he try to see our baby. When I finally saw him, he was a totally changed guy. Clothes, hairdo, attitude (acting like he was so young again),his look, he even got a lipo!!! He was still trying to be sweet but I was so so hurt. So, I tried to stay away, not answer his calls but he'd get angry or act hurt. But when I'd try to call him, he'd get angry... I still wanted him back then since I wanted to save 'our family'...He encouraged me to start dating other guys as he informed me hewas interested in some girls ALREADY. I knew he was dating around (unsuccessfully since he's such a ... geek-really!) and had a hunch he was dating his girl friend who has been flirting with him. I tried to ignore my hunch since I knew they've been friends for about 6 yrs and has never even tried to go for her, he thinks all she wants with guys is money, and that he cant stand her bratty daughter. He later on thought (since my friends were trying to make him jealous someone was dating me) that I had an almost steady boyfriend (which wasn't true). When he found out, he then told me that he has been dating his best friend... So, that was 2 months after being clingy with me and 3 months aftr we broke up... My heart was broken and still is. But the good thing is I do NOT want him back anymore since I know he still likes putting me down, still lies and is just not nice to me... But I feel its so unfair! I love my baby and all but my whole life has changed and here he is having so much fun (or so i think), changed all the stuff about himself, spending money on everyone, has a new girlfriend and even takes care of her children! I'd like to think his relationship with her is a rebound. I myself have a best guy friend for 10 years now and I can never imagine having an intimate relationship with him. I dont understand how this can all happen. I wish I could just kick him out of my life, have nc ( which I had for 5 months even though he was trying to sms me). But here in the , where I have been my whole life,you cant get rid of the guy when he's the father. Phew. Sorry it was so long. But I had to put the important stuff in it. My biggest question would be, do you think it is a rebound. I'd also like to get rid of him in my life since when i hear from him or hear about him, I remember all the crap he put me through and it hurts and gets me angry! I have a lot more stuff I used to wonder about but anyone's input would greatly help....
silentcharon Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Wow, what happened to you could have happened to me. I was often jealous of my ex's best friend too, and after we broke up, they both kept denying that there was anything going on in between them. They started "dating" in october. Since then I haven't seen much of either one of them, even when we have mutual friends, I try to avoid them now. He got her pregnant in less than two months, and she had to get an abortion. Just saying, it could have happened to me, I could have gotten pregnant and my ex would have hooked up with his best friend anyway. But it was the other way around. I really feel for ya. It's probably a rebound, the first one always is. The girl my ex is currently with is a rebound for sure, that I am certain. But that shouldn't stop you from moving on- just cut your losses and move on. You can settle child support issues and all that through the legal system, you don't have to deal with him in person after you get all those things sorted out. good luck, take it easy.
Author clearnow Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Thanks so much for the reply. I'm glad you got out of your relationship before it got too much... I am trying so hard to move on. I definitely am sure I do not want to get back with this guy. But him texting me and his relatives calling me after him and his family not contacting me for almost half a year makes it hard. It also doesn't help that my family insists i lend my baby . Another thing that made it terrible was that he wrote me a letter (and xeroxed copies for each one of my family)right before christmas saying that all the things that happened between us are practically just in my head. And he had the gaul of saying he doesn't want me to contact him unless it's about the baby! When actually it was him trying to chat and text me and I never replied! I certainly do hope it's a rebound. It's just so unfair that he can treat me so badly then leave me and have a honeymoon of a time now . Stupid me, i always stayed hoping he'd change .
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