MoonGirl Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 Hi all! Until yesterday it was about 2 weeks of NC between me and OM (emotional affair). I decided on NC due to a lot of emotional confusioin with my marriage and OM. I felt I needed to separate from H before moving further with OM to keep my integrity intact. I saw OM last night at a function and we spoke briefly. Now I find myself thinking about him constantly (AGAIN). Well, not that I wasn't already thinking about him a lot, but now he is occupying WAY too much of my mind IMO. Anyway, I am moving out of my house on Feb 3rd. For all of you OW/OM, at what point do you think I should call OM? I THINK I will be okay emotionally after I move out since I have been thinking about it for over 2 years. Maybe I am wrong though. I just don't want to screw things up with OM, but I miss him so much. I'm afraid if I wait too long he'll forget about me and if I call him too soon I will be too unstable. Thanks for your advice!
norajane Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 Maybe you could wait and see how you feel after you move. You'll know if you are too unstable. It's doubtful he's just going to "forget" you. If he did, so quickly, then what kind of relationship did you really have? Love doesn't "forget" in a few weeks.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I don't know...I think you should give him a heads up ahead of time...otherwise you call and expect everything to be peachy keen and things could have changed for him...
hardknocks Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 OM perspective here. First about him forgetting about you. I am in NC now - for just a little over a month. I have a feeling, if my MW came up to me 150 years from now I still wouldn't have forgotten and the feelings I'm sure would come right back. My personal feeling - is when you're really in love.. you have a hold on that person for a long long time.. maybe even for life. So, I wouldn't worry too much about him getting over you in a couple weeks. If I was your OM I would wish that you would be at least legally seperated and moved in completely and ready to go NC with your stb exH. I think if I got a call from my MW saying that - I would be pretty freakin' happy. good luck. im glad you're finally getting yourself unstuck!
Author MoonGirl Posted January 29, 2007 Author Posted January 29, 2007 Thanks for the feedback! I know my OM loves me, but I often get anxious about the situation because I am a ball of nerves right now. OM won't tell me how he feels because he thinks it is not morally right to say anything like that to a woman who is married. But I do know how he feels based on how he behaves and the fact he won't tell me (I assume if he had no feelings, he would tell me). hardknocks, I will be moved in to my apartment completely this month. My H and I rarely talk even though we currently live together, so NC with him won't be a problem. Someone would certainly have to imprison and torture me to want H back. We do have 2 children, so complete NC is not possible... but OM has 1 child, so he understands the complexity of dealing with an ex. As soon as I move I am filing for divorce. In the state where I live, you have to be physically separated before you can file. I'm glad I am getting myself unstuck too.
ratingsguy Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 For all of you OW/OM, at what point do you think I should call OM? I THINK I will be okay emotionally after I move out since I have been thinking about it for over 2 years. Maybe I am wrong though. You never know. My MW separated on Jan. 1 and a week or so later she told me that she needed time to herself for a while. It came as a surprise, but honestly it really shouldn't have. I guess I'm just new to this situation... as is she... and so are you. You will need time to yourself to sort out a lot of emotions. Even if your marriage is ending badly, you still need time to mourn it and then concentrate on the next chapter of your life. How much time you will need depends on a lot of things. I just don't want to screw things up with OM, but I miss him so much. I'm afraid if I wait too long he'll forget about me and if I call him too soon I will be too unstable. It's funny because I wonder if my MW feels the same way... I'm pretty sure she does. Hardknocks said it best when he said that once you're in love, you hold on to that person for a long time, possibly for the rest of your life. Love doesn't forget in a few weeks as LJ said. Both are very good points. Take the time you need, but also tell him how you feel exactly. If he truly loves you, he will be patient with you. It's tough because that's where I am right now too. A part of me understands the benefit of giving her time instead of jumping right into it... even though in our hearts, we want to be together... now. This is the mature thing to do.
Author MoonGirl Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Thanks ratingsguy, I know I don't need time with other men, but you're right that I may need some time for myself. OM has really backed off (NC), which scares me (I guess that was the whole point of NC). I saw him and his family this week (it was a "mandatory" function I attended) and they all told me that he loves me very much...I know it sounds like a very strange situation and it is. I have known my OM for 10+ years and his family and I are very close. His mom invites me and my kids over for dinner, sleep-overs, etc. She is much nicer to my children that my H's parents are. lol. I know you're right that love doesn't disappear overnight, but I still feel lost without OM and each day that goes by I feel is another chance I will loose him. I am probably just being paranoid.
puddleofmud Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Once you become SINGLE and OM is SINGLE then why walk on egg shells? This is single life and welcome to it! Now, you have every right to persue any all available single men so why not the one you love? Hope it works out well for you, sweetie!
Author MoonGirl Posted January 31, 2007 Author Posted January 31, 2007 Thanks POM! You're right that I should call OM when I feel up to it after I move out. I guess thoughts of still being officially married make me somewhat hesitant. But I really can't wait until I don't refer to OM as OM anymore.
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