higherground5 Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 So I just recently called my girlfriend sending an email to her ex. She didn't know I caught her, so I confronted her about it. I asked her if she has contacted him recently and she said he texted her, so she texted him back. However, when I asked her about the email she denied it completely. I proved it to her by showing her the email, and she freaked out saying that I caught her in a lie. So, the level of distrust I have has escalated a great deal. First of all, she went out with him for 5 years and just recently learned he was moving to another state. I can understand it's hard not to talk to him, but she kept it secretive, and lied to me about it. This was a huge flag in my mind. Needless to say, I broke it off with her. I told her that I love her, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone who is thinking about someone else. She told me that she doesn't love him and loves me...but if she did love me so much she wouldn't have done this. Do you guys think I made the right move here? I sent her over an email saying that she needs time to discover who she is, what she wants, and who she loves. That I cannot be in this relationship until she has reconciled her past. On that note, I said for her to contact me when this has happened. Simply stated, if we really love eachother than it will work out. thoughts? Forbin
IpAncA Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 What sort of an e-mail was this and was this an on going thing?
JCD Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 You did everything right. It's unfortunate that some girls are like this. Maybe you'll find someone with the same values as yours and become happy.
Author higherground5 Posted January 28, 2007 Author Posted January 28, 2007 What sort of an e-mail was this and was this an on going thing? Well, she signed up for a completely new email account just to do this. It was an email stating "this is my new email address, ;)". And this was on the same day we had a talk about moving slow with the relationship because we both came out and said we are "so deep in it". Well, apparently she wasn't as deep as she said she was. I have a feeling she has been talking to him for a while...just stupid texts messages back and forth. I mean she says she loves me, but it's obvious she is confused. This kid is a ****in dick to her...always was in the relationship, so she definitely falls in line with the population of girls who are attracted to guys who treat them wrong. she has a lot of growing up to do. Yesterday I received an email from her that said "Anon, thank you for giving me time to figure myself out. I believe you are my soul mate and I want to come back to you. Please keep a place in your heart for me. Still yours --anon2". I mean, come on man! What is this all about? I mean I wish I didn't read that...it's tearing me up. Probably for the fact that I know I can't think she is coming back. Words are nothing to me. Forbin
westernxer Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 Please keep a place in your heart for me... ...in case my ex doesn't take me back. Still yours --anon2.
upsetnhurt Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 Forbin, Regardless of what she says to you, know that they are only words and her actions dictate her true feelings towards you. It's sad yet you got involved with someone who had not yet cleansed herself of her feelings for her ex. Realize that until she does so, she would have made your life a living hell and moreso an emotional rollercoaster. I would go completely no contact with her at this time as you need to know that part of her recovery is to probably go back to the ex at some point and attempt to work things out. Even then, if she came back are you going to be able to live with the fact that you were second best here? Nothing you did wrong and you probably were treated her like a princess....yet as much as her head tells her one thing, her heart just simply can't catch up. I do take exception with the way she communicates to you......she knows she is confused yet she still tells you that "you are the one and that she loves you." She obviously does not know what love means then and doesnt realize just how disrespectful she is being to you.......Let her go.
VinaAmez Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 ...in case my ex doesn't take me back. Still yours --anon2. Exactly. Be glad you found this out now instead of later.
Author higherground5 Posted January 28, 2007 Author Posted January 28, 2007 Exactly. Be glad you found this out now instead of later. Yeah. I agree entirely that her actions dictate her true feelings inside. On the flip side, I'm sure it's hard to just simply segregate yourself from someone after they shared a big part of your life with you. Regardless, she needs to figure it out. I definitely took what she said with a grain of salt. Right now I have to accept the fact she isn't going to come back, and she will probably go back to her ex. Of course there is apart of me that would like for her to come back to me, but I can't let myself think that so it's going to take some time to get over it. In reference to your comments, I do believe she is stringing me along just in case things don't work out between them. I mean she has just said so much to me it's very dishearting. I mean recently she kept on saying she still wants to move ahead with me, and that she loves me, and that she sees a future with me instead of him (this was before she sent the email). This email is just very deep...I mean when someone says "you are my soul mate", that is just too much for me..but it's hard not to believe her. However, it all goes back to her actions. I mean what do I do if she does come back to me? Of course it would be extremely hard to forgive what she had done. Thoughts? I just need to move forward without any contact and get over here. I still love her so much though. Forbin
VinaAmez Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 Yeah. I agree entirely that her actions dictate her true feelings inside. On the flip side, I'm sure it's hard to just simply segregate yourself from someone after they shared a big part of your life with you. Regardless, she needs to figure it out. I definitely took what she said with a grain of salt. Right now I have to accept the fact she isn't going to come back, and she will probably go back to her ex. Of course there is apart of me that would like for her to come back to me, but I can't let myself think that so it's going to take some time to get over it. In reference to your comments, I do believe she is stringing me along just in case things don't work out between them. I mean she has just said so much to me it's very dishearting. I mean recently she kept on saying she still wants to move ahead with me, and that she loves me, and that she sees a future with me instead of him (this was before she sent the email). This email is just very deep...I mean when someone says "you are my soul mate", that is just too much for me..but it's hard not to believe her. However, it all goes back to her actions. I mean what do I do if she does come back to me? Of course it would be extremely hard to forgive what she had done. Thoughts? I just need to move forward without any contact and get over here. I still love her so much though. Forbin She can only come back if you let her. If she does go back to her ex and it doesn't work out, do you honestly want to be her second choice? She claims your her "soul mate" but she still has to figure things out? I don't buy that. If she felt so strong about what she said, there would be no other guy. She wouldn't have to lie or create another e-mail account. I do agree, you should treat this as if she isn't coming back. Sure you love her but is she worth all the lies and trouble that she has caused?
Author higherground5 Posted January 28, 2007 Author Posted January 28, 2007 She can only come back if you let her. If she does go back to her ex and it doesn't work out, do you honestly want to be her second choice? She claims your her "soul mate" but she still has to figure things out? I don't buy that. If she felt so strong about what she said, there would be no other guy. She wouldn't have to lie or create another e-mail account. I do agree, you should treat this as if she isn't coming back. Sure you love her but is she worth all the lies and trouble that she has caused? Well, that's assuming she does go back with her ex. He's moving away to the midwest and I'm on the east coast, so I believe that's why she feels the need to contact him. She said she knew I wouldn't accept her contacting him either way if she lied to me or not. Also, she said that he shared such a big part of her life with him and he was her best friend, and that cutting him off was hard, but she knew he wasn't right for her. I can understand that. Is it possible for her to be looking for closure with him? She mentioned she had to figure herself out, which might not exactly mean she has to figure out who she wants to be with, or it might. Right now it's hard for me to say I would take her back. We had such a good time for the first 5 months of the relationship, that it's hard to completely shut her out of my life because there is such a small risk she might do the right thing. Thoughts? Forbin
Author higherground5 Posted January 28, 2007 Author Posted January 28, 2007 On another note, nobody is perfect. We all know that relationships have there ups and downs, and that there is always some type of issue with a relationship. That is just the reality here, folks. I know I have to get over her and move on. I just haven't accepted it yet. Forbin
westernxer Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 Is it possible for her to be looking for closure with him? She mentioned she had to figure herself out, which might not exactly mean she has to figure out who she wants to be with, or it might. A friend of mine was in the same situation, and she did come back to him. Then I never saw him again. LOL
VinaAmez Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 All you can do is wait and see what happends.
Author higherground5 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Posted January 29, 2007 So myspace is evil. Tell that to your friends. I cancelled my account the other day in light of pulling back and closing the door completely to the girl I just broke up with. If you are not familar with myspace, you have the ability to look at comments other people leave on pages, even if you are not a member. So apparently when my ex said to me in her last email after I broke up with that "thank you for letting me figure myself out, you are my soulmate. save a place in your heart for me", her saying that implies who should i be with and who do i love, my previous boyfriend or me". Why do I say this? Simple. She posted a comment on one of her friend's myspace pages saying "eenie minnie mini moe...exactly how i feel right now!" (which is written under her friend's occupation). So I mean the chances of this comment being related to an occupation is just bs, so obviously she is trying to decide where her heart is. What the heck man? This is obviously a game to her. I just can't believe it. Also, she took down a picture of me on her myspace page, and then right after that she texted me! Needless to say, I did not respond, this is the best thing for me. Does anyone have any advice on who I should call for therapy?
CaliGuy Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I think right now you're trying too hard to over-analyze everything. You broke it off as you should have. If she really wants to be with you she'll make the effort to repair the damage. Right now you need to occupy your thoughts with more important things like your career, working out, taking the trash out, washing the dog. Get my drift? Put her in the back of your mind and focus on you. Yes you are hurt but over-analyzing and poking into her every move is just going to frustrate you. Can't remember who said it but: "The biggest problems I ever had in my life never came to fruition." In other words, you're going to create a bunch of headaches for yourself wondering what she is doing and of course anticipating the worst. Better to focus on you and getting your mind, confidence and self-esteem in good shape. If you know you are worthy enough to break it off when she is treating you badly, then you should believe that and continue to focus on you, not her.
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