curiousnycgirl Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 I am so sorry in advance for how long this will be, but I need to get it all off my chest. I started dating my man in June of 2004. We met on a fairly kinky site, and to be honest, it started out very passionately. However by September/October 2004 - his interst in sex totally waned. Then he lost his job in February 2005. I tried to be supportive but the lack of physical intimacy really bothered me. To cut to the chase, the last time we were intimate was March 2005. Over the past two years my self confidence has become completely shot. I have brought up the subject on several occassions - but he is really not a talker. Once however he did say it was because I smoked - so I quit (can you tell I love this guy?). However still there was no sex. As time continued passing us by, the relationship grew in everyway but that one. He decided he didn't want a job, but wanted to start his own company - I supported him (not financially - in every other way). Unfortunately still no sex. Two weeks ago - we had been on yahoo IM a bit, and then were each just doing whatever and out of absolutely no where he IM'd me - "come for me baby" - I was floored. Clearly he was engaging in cybersex with someone. He denied it - I didn't believe him, led to a big discussion. Basically he told me he didn't find me attractive because I wasn't happy with myself. I told him it was a viscous cycle since I look to him to validate my attractiveness as a woman - and that before meeting him I didn't have any of these issues (I truly didn't). He then said it was concerns over my health and that he and I should try to work together to lose weight. That's it - I guess I was too fat. I tried to accept what he was saying at face value - even when he denied having cyber sex - and agreed to give it a try - however I simply can't. I feel completely rejected, over and over and over again. So I sent him an email saying that i couldn't take the rejection anymore. And that I felt my weight was just his latest excuse (I have not gained any signficant amount of weight since we started dating) - and that it would take a long time for me to lose an appreciable amount, safely, and that I felt he would then find a new reason to reject me. And I told him I didn't think the relationship could work, etc. I told him, in the email, that I was still his friend, but I needed time to recover. I guess he's respecting my need for time - but what I REALLY wanted him to do was come running to break down the barriers. To woo me. To do all those things he hasn't done for over 2 years. I guess I'm a total loser. But I loved him so much. If you've read this far - then all I can say is thank you and any/all insights are appreciated.
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