I have a cheating Dad!

[ConfusedTeen]

In June last year my Mom revealed to me that my Dad has been and still is cheating on her. I was devastated (I was a Daddy's girl) when I found out and he ruined my last day of Year 13 at high school. My Dad does not know I know and my younger brother, 15, doesn't know about it either. Although I suspect he knows something is wrong with my parents. My Mom has confronted him about it once and he denied it and turned it around and said my Mom mus be doing it and has a guilty mind. We know he is cheating for a fact because we have looked into one of his e-mail accounts and seen the e-mails, both sent and recieved. We have also managed to find out that it has been going on since at least September 2003.

 

There have been numerous women over the years and the latest one we know of has recently spilt up with her husband. She was also married and has children. She knows my Dad is married and has children because she sometimes mentions us at the end or start of her dirty e-mails to my father. Asking how Mom is at work, how I am at university and how my brother is doing at school. Amazing how she thinks that talking dirty with a married father of 2 goes well alongside chit chat about his wife and kids.

 

There isn't just the e-mails though. He has been taking pictures of him and her together and sending them to another couple and recieveing pictures in return. When I saw this I was physically sick.

 

I know that it has to come out again soon and I will fully support my Mom in her side of the fight. But I need to know what will happen from there. What is are they both entitled to if they divorce? And any help or advice will be greatly appreciated, I am totally lost.

[Unbeleivable]

Well, first off I don't agree with your mother's choice to bring you in and look at your father's email. OK, tell your child a parent's cheating, but to actively have them look over the cheating parent's personal emails is malicious and not necessary, but whatever...

 

What will happen from there? Assuming your parents are both level headed, employed individuals with no mental or substance issues, and they decide to divorce, you will most likely be awarded custody to your mother. A court typically awards the mother custody unless there is something wrong with her. I've been through the process myself. My father cheated on my mother for several years and they divorced. I live with my mother now.

 

 

Overall, its a very common thing (unfortunately) and try your best to not let it affect you too much. Don't try to judge anyone either. Cheating isn't something that should be taken lightly, but he is still your father and I'm sure he loves you immensely. Understanding of your parent's relationship (or lack there of) will come as you mature and get to know relationships better yourself.

[ConfusedTeen]

I am 18 and live at university so there will be no arguement over where I reside and I believe my brother will end up with my Mom anyway.

 

Just to clear things up about my Mom. She did not ever plan to tell me about my father until they had split we were just having a discussion about his attitude towards his family, which has always been total crap. Neither did she make me look at his e-mails, that was my own choice.

 

I am extremely grateful for the fact I was already in a stable relationship when I found out and still am. I will find it hard to trust men again, but I will try not to let it affect me.

[Ladyjane14]

Amazing how she thinks that talking dirty with a married father of 2 goes well alongside chit chat about his wife and kids.

 

I'm sorry for the way that must make you feel.

When I 'walk a mile' for you, I'm not comfortable with this stranger of dubious character having personal details about me and my family. I feel rather violated and angry about that.

 

Understand that this has NOTHING to do with you, or your brother, or your mom. And EVERYTHING to do with your dad. He's got a hole in him somewhere, and he's elected to fill that hole with adultery rather than to find meaningful solutions for his problems. There are ALWAYS better solutions than to engage in cheating and lying, but people will be fallable. We can either accept them or reject them... but we can't change them.

 

For what it's worth, I don't think your mother is wrong to let you know what's going on. It's got to be hard to watch your kids struggling to figure out what's gone wrong with their family dynamic, and then to withhold the truth which would enable them to make sense of it. At 18 and already in a stable relationship of your own, you're certainly old enough to know the truth. In fact, at 15, I personally think your brother is old enough too, particularly if he's confused about what's going on at home.

 

What is are they both entitled to if they divorce? And any help or advice will be greatly appreciated, I am totally lost.

 

Your mom should see a qualified attorney in order to get those questions answered. I don't think you'd go amiss in encouraging her to do that.

[ConfusedTeen]

One of my close friends here at university has also told me she should see someone but my Mom is very apprehensive about talking about my Dad and what to do about him and the future.

 

I know I have to go at her pace but should I start pushing what I think about it? Or should I tell her what I think she should do now?

[Ladyjane14]

I know I have to go at her pace but should I start pushing what I think about it? Or should I tell her what I think she should do now?

 

Honey, knowlege is power.

She NEEDS to find out where she stands legally. And you know what?... she'll probably feel a little better too once she's got all the information in front of her. Sometimes, when we don't know what's going to happen, we tend to fixate on the worst case scenario.

[Ladyjane14]

I know it's got to hurt like a b*tch, watching your mom go through all this. But keep in mind that even though that's your father... it's her husband. She's got to handle it the way she sees fit. So by all means, give her your opinion, but then... let her do her thing.

 

Just remember you're ALREADY helping her, just by being YOU.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Good grief Confused Teen, as I read you post my gut tightened and the tears flowed. I thought for a minute that it had been written by my own daughter. I honestly believe that if people would allow themselves to understand the intense pain that these situations cause the family that they would not do it. I have been told on this board that it was wrong to let my teenage daughter know what was going on but generally it was people who were taking part in these situations who felt that way. Here is something I posted in the past in regards to that about my own daughter finding out.

 

"I'm reposting... tell me when you see YOUR own child trying to make sense of something... that she deserve to know what she is dealing with so that she can actually deal with it. Having someone make a decision to hurt you is one thing but it takes on a different life when they hurt your/their child. Asking everyone to call it what it is not behooves only the betrayERs. Reread please and tell me what SHE needs to know.

 

The family unit crumbles the kids see their life changing but can't put a finger on it. He could have chosen to leave, THAT would have been in the best interest of the kids as far as the situation was concerned but he's staying for the kids so that he can watch their confusion. I have a teenager and during the time after D, supposed reconcilliation, D, ect.. I was cleaning and found peices of paper with drug rehab info on it as well as pamplets from resources in our comunity. I thought on top of everthing now my daughter was dealing with a drug problem. I woke her up one morning and sat on her bed shaking and said to her, honey, I love you, I'm here for you and I can help you through anything, I'm sorry I've been a wreck there have just been some things happen that were out of my controll. She said, I hate to tell you this mom, but I think dad is doing drugs. She pulls out from under her bed more information and procedes to explain his actions. She said I've called these places, I asked her what she said to them... her reply crushed me.... she said I told them I need to find out how I can help my dad. AWWW GEEEE.... That is love? Staying for the kids? Yeah, right! You can't fix him, honey, noone can.

 

Here a 16 year old wants to make things right. Wants to help her family by fixing her dad. Takes it on her OWN to figure out what is going on and what she can do to fix it. You believe that she does not deserve reality. Who besides him does that behoove? She is in tears when she breaks it to her mom that "something" is wrong with Dad. What did hiding the truth to protect her accomplish? I should have been upfront from the begining. I don't want to hurt her dad, I want for her to be able to work through the issues that HE created for her!"

 

I can tell you what you can do for your mom - that is to give her time and space to heal. Let her make her decisions, understand that she may waver and change her mind. Love her regardless but don't try to take on HER emotional load, you have your own to deal with and I know that THAT affects her the most. Also love your dad, you can dislike what he has done and be as angry and hurt as you like, but in HIS mind he didn't do this to you - his behavior is actually to fill some void he posseses within himself. I'm so very sorry for what you are going through.

[ConfusedTeen]

Thank you so very much

[ahsumgurl909]

OMG that was such a sad story. It broke my heart. I hope all is well with you and your daughter now IWWH

[ConfusedTeen]

What hurts the most about my whole situation with my Dad is that I have to be normal with him, I can't tell him how I feel about it all because he doesn't know I know.

[Citizen Erased]

Oh honey I went through something similar, except it was my mother cheating on my dad.

 

The worst day of my whole life is the afternoon I overheard my mother talking dirty on the phone to the guy she was seeing. I knew she wasn't talking to my Dad because he was coming out of the study, having heard her talking as well. She didn't know we were home. I will never in my entire life be able to forgive my mother because of the look I saw go across my fathers face.

 

This needs to be dealt with asap. No need in drawing it out. It is difficult on her and you. You should have a talk with your mum and ask her when she will do this. Tell her you cant keep seeing him and not saying anything.

 

Hugs to you! I hope this is sorted out soon, you should be happy at this time in your life. Good luck.

[PoshPrincess]

Confused Teen, I really feel for you and the sitch you are in. My Dad decided to leave my Mum (supposedly there was no one else involved but who knows?) and told me a couple of weeks before he told her. I was in my 20s at the time but it was still very difficult to deal with, knowing what was going on when my Mum had no idea.

 

I agree with what LadyJane said that you had a right to know what was going on, so you can't help being involved, although I am not sure that it was right to let you see the emails. I hate to say this to you but I was a OW (something I am NOT proud of!) and my ex-MMs W showed their teenage daughter texts that I had sent him. The girl was already having 'issues' so this really didn't help her state of mind (although neither did his A with me of course, all of which was the catalyst!)

 

I think you should be there for your Mum as much as you can, as she obviously needs you. Maybe she should talk to a professional for some advice on how to deal with it all, and maybe even YOU could. Re your brother, I just think it's a make thing that they don't pick up on what's going on, my brother was exactly the same and even though I was always aware that my Dad was unhappy (since long before my teens) he still says now that he had no idea.

 

We will all be thinking of you and you know you can come on here for any help, advice and moral support that you may need.

 

Best of luck.

[ConfusedTeen]

The main reason my mother has not told my brother about it is because he is currently in his 1st year of his GCSEs and does not want to disrupt his education. And the only time the arguement and it can all explode and not disrupt my university education is in the summer months but my Mom will more than likely not want to do it then as my birthday is in early July.

 

I want to ask her to set some time aside when we are together so we can talk about the situation do you think this is OK? Just to get it all sorted so I know when it might happen.

[outofdarkness]

In June last year my Mom revealed to me that my Dad has been and still is cheating on her. I was devastated (I was a Daddy's girl) when I found out and he ruined my last day of Year 13 at high school. My Dad does not know I know and my younger brother, 15, doesn't know about it either. Although I suspect he knows something is wrong with my parents. My Mom has confronted him about it once and he denied it and turned it around and said my Mom mus be doing it and has a guilty mind. We know he is cheating for a fact because we have looked into one of his e-mail accounts and seen the e-mails, both sent and recieved. We have also managed to find out that it has been going on since at least September 2003.

 

There have been numerous women over the years and the latest one we know of has recently spilt up with her husband. She was also married and has children. She knows my Dad is married and has children because she sometimes mentions us at the end or start of her dirty e-mails to my father. Asking how Mom is at work, how I am at university and how my brother is doing at school. Amazing how she thinks that talking dirty with a married father of 2 goes well alongside chit chat about his wife and kids.

 

There isn't just the e-mails though. He has been taking pictures of him and her together and sending them to another couple and recieveing pictures in return. When I saw this I was physically sick.

 

I know that it has to come out again soon and I will fully support my Mom in her side of the fight. But I need to know what will happen from there. What is are they both entitled to if they divorce? And any help or advice will be greatly appreciated, I am totally lost.

I am so very sorry that you have been put in this position. I agree with the poster that this is between your Mom and Dad only! Should kids, specifically teens, be told...We told our's on the advice of our MC. They were actually preteens, 12 and 13..I had completely fallen apart and asked him to move out, and our MC said to be honest so that they did not become angry with me for "kicking Dad out"..They were very hurt and went through and extremely painful and difficult time, but they rebounded...We had them in family therapy with us, IC, and group therapy with their peers. They have really come out on top, and are so strong and compassionate. Were they angry with their Dad? Of course, but he spoke openly about how sorry he was for hurting them and how wrong he was for carrying on like that for years. He acknowledged that his actions had hurt them, as well as myself and he continues to answer questions when asked and build new and more healthy relationships with both of them.

 

You are in a rock and a hard place because your parent's are aware the each knows but unwilling to get it out in the open so that SOME sort of healing can take place, whether they stay together or not. I believe that whatever the decision is as far as to stay or go, the kids need to know that they are both very loved, and that will not change. I don't know what they are entitled to because every state is different, but it is not YOUR responsibility to find out. Your Mom needs to consult with a good attorney and try to lean on a support group or a trusted friend to confide in.

 

Your Brother probrably already knows, or at least knows something is very wrong. I would encourage your Mom and Dad to sit down with all of you in a therapists office and talk about it. It's not your responsibility to tell him, it is your parent's. In my opinion, this should not be done until she confronts him and they are ready to move in one direction or another. Just as with you, if your Mom or you tells him now, he will be forced to "side" with your Mother...That is NOT right. He is your Dad, always will be and deserves respect and the chance to love you and help you heal..

 

I was VERY close to my Mom growing up, and she was always talking to me about the problems between she and my Dad. I grew to hate him over the years, and when it finally came out what he was doing, I went after him with a vengeance. This is something that I now regret...Even though I know it's not good for me personally to have contact with him due to his many problems and his unwillingness to get help, I still regret getting so involved and pushy...It was not my place to make decisions for my Mom or get involved in the nitty gritty of their divorce. I learned from this and did not handle the situation with my husband this way at all, and I am so very thankful that we DID handle it the way we did.

 

I hope this helps..I feel your pain and am praying for you..

[PoshPrincess]

Note OutOfDarkness's second to last paragraph. Don't judge your Dad totally. I know an Affair is NEVER the answer to marital problems but things aren't always as cut and dried as they seem. I now feel that my Dad was wrong to involve me but I knew something wasn't right and questioned him till he had no choice. Luckily, as an adult I had been in relationships and totally understood that things aren't always 'right'. That he was unhappy and couldn't pretend to love my Mum if he didn't. Everyone deserves a right to happiness and this is sadly often at the expense of someone else. Yes, he should have dealt with things differently but if he is seriously unhappy with your Mum then maybe it is time to end their marriage. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh but I am just trying to be honest. Saying this, sometimes an affair is just a cry for help and if she confronts him again (on advice of a therapist) maybe they can sort things out and their marriage could be stronger than ever. From what I have read on this site that wouldn't ber unusual!

[ConfusedTeen]

I was not forced to pick my Mom's side, no matter how I had found I out I would not support the cheating member of the family. Thanks for the advice but we don't need family therapy, we can sort our own problems out without running to some 'professional'. And there is no difference in states I'm from the UK.

 

Just please everyone stop telling me it is between my Mom and my Dad I know that! I am 18 years old for God's sake, I know what is going on. And I was never planning on telling my brother about it, my Mom doesn't want him to let it get in the way of his education.

 

Stop saying my Mom was wrong to do anything she has done, she has no close friends she can trust not tell anyone, everytime we go out as a family she has to sit there and pretend to love a man she hates, do you know how painful that is for me and my brother to watch? Even before I knew about the affair. Neither of them are happy in this relationship and a split is the only way healing will start. But I AM NOT going to do ANYTHING without the full support of my Mother. I am the only one she has got to talk to, she dare not tell her own mother or brother in case it upsets them, she'd rather suffer alone and I can't have my Mom go through that.

 

I know she should probably be the one to go and seek legal help but my Mom would rather inconveinence herself than anyone else on the planet and I don't normal protest against her wishes but I'm sorry I CANNOT sit here and watch my Mom be miserable with this horrible man. I know you all say he still loves me but I don't love him. The dynamic of the family has always been shocking. My Dad picks on my brother for everything he does, we never knew why, but my Mom stuck up for him because he couldn't fight back so my Dad treated her like crap too. Now I've started sticking up for him he treats all 3 of us like we are something on the bottom of his shoe! He claims he gets no respect in 'his' house but he neither deserves it or shows it to anyone else. Whenever arguments arise about what goes on TV it always comes down to my Dad saying "It's my TV we'll watch what we want..." or when I tell him not to swear at me or my brother he replies with "It is my house I can do what I want in it". He thinks he owns us as well as the house.

 

What makes it worse it that when he goes out whether with us or not he treats everyone so nicely, makes a real effort to go out of his way to help people. He his friends, family friends, family, work colleagues, neighbours, everyone better than he treats his own family. People say to my Mom how nice he is to them and how kind he is and my Mom just thinks "Well he isn't like that with us at home." I know Dads have problems with their little girls growing up and will be slightly off towards their boyfriends but my Dad has never made any of my boyfriends feel welcome, he barely says a word to them, OK fair enough in the beginning. But I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 10 months now and he only says hello if my boyfriend says it first! Basic rule for my Dad is 'If they come to the house and they haven't come to see me or spend time with me; ignore them.' That is how he is.

 

He went to do training for his new job last year, went away for 2 weeks. When he came back he had got his wife and 2 children a present. We got a cheap, last minute idea statue of the mermaid in Copenhagen (he went to Denamark). Guess what his OW got? Boxes of cigarettes and a nice little present to go with it.

 

His family means nothing to him and has done for a long, long time.

[outofdarkness]

I was not forced to pick my Mom's side, no matter how I had found I out I would not support the cheating member of the family. Thanks for the advice but we don't need family therapy, we can sort our own problems out without running to some 'professional'. And there is no difference in states I'm from the UK.

 

Just please everyone stop telling me it is between my Mom and my Dad I know that! I am 18 years old for God's sake, I know what is going on. And I was never planning on telling my brother about it, my Mom doesn't want him to let it get in the way of his education.

 

Stop saying my Mom was wrong to do anything she has done, she has no close friends she can trust not tell anyone, everytime we go out as a family she has to sit there and pretend to love a man she hates, do you know how painful that is for me and my brother to watch? Even before I knew about the affair. Neither of them are happy in this relationship and a split is the only way healing will start. But I AM NOT going to do ANYTHING without the full support of my Mother. I am the only one she has got to talk to, she dare not tell her own mother or brother in case it upsets them, she'd rather suffer alone and I can't have my Mom go through that.

 

I know she should probably be the one to go and seek legal help but my Mom would rather inconveinence herself than anyone else on the planet and I don't normal protest against her wishes but I'm sorry I CANNOT sit here and watch my Mom be miserable with this horrible man. I know you all say he still loves me but I don't love him. The dynamic of the family has always been shocking. My Dad picks on my brother for everything he does, we never knew why, but my Mom stuck up for him because he couldn't fight back so my Dad treated her like crap too. Now I've started sticking up for him he treats all 3 of us like we are something on the bottom of his shoe! He claims he gets no respect in 'his' house but he neither deserves it or shows it to anyone else. Whenever arguments arise about what goes on TV it always comes down to my Dad saying "It's my TV we'll watch what we want..." or when I tell him not to swear at me or my brother he replies with "It is my house I can do what I want in it". He thinks he owns us as well as the house.

 

What makes it worse it that when he goes out whether with us or not he treats everyone so nicely, makes a real effort to go out of his way to help people. He his friends, family friends, family, work colleagues, neighbours, everyone better than he treats his own family. People say to my Mom how nice he is to them and how kind he is and my Mom just thinks "Well he isn't like that with us at home." I know Dads have problems with their little girls growing up and will be slightly off towards their boyfriends but my Dad has never made any of my boyfriends feel welcome, he barely says a word to them, OK fair enough in the beginning. But I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 10 months now and he only says hello if my boyfriend says it first! Basic rule for my Dad is 'If they come to the house and they haven't come to see me or spend time with me; ignore them.' That is how he is.

 

He went to do training for his new job last year, went away for 2 weeks. When he came back he had got his wife and 2 children a present. We got a cheap, last minute idea statue of the mermaid in Copenhagen (he went to Denamark). Guess what his OW got? Boxes of cigarettes and a nice little present to go with it.

 

His family means nothing to him and has done for a long, long time.

I am so sorry, and all I can say is been there done that. Sorry about not noticing that you were from the UK as well. I know the loyalty that you feel towards your Mom and I know how it feels to live with an emotionally/verally abusive Father. It can be just as damaging if not more as physical abuse. I know you want to be there for your Mom, and I do understand wanting to handle things within the family. Often times, when things have been so dysfunctional in a family for so long, isolation sets in and noone feels the need to go outside of the family for help. In my opinion, this is both unhealthy and unproductive, but I am sure there are some families that this works for. It just seems to me from reading your posts, that your's has been this way for a very long time...I feel like families are lucky now days to have professionals who are trained and eager to help families in trouble. That is just my personal opinion and not meant to push you in that direction. I think that many times it takes an unbiased and disinterested third party to see the whole dynamic and what needs to happen to change things...

 

I know what you are feeling and want to help...I will be praying for you and thinking of you...

[ConfusedTeen]

I am sorry about the last post, I got a little worked up about my Dad being so crap towards us. I mean when I got my GCSE results (I was 16 when I finished them, not sure what the US equivalent is) I got 2A's 7B's and a D in art, which I'm rubbish at and didn't try in. The highest grade available was an A* (1 above an A). My results were considered pretty damn great but when I read them I burst into tears because I knew they wouldn't be good enough for my parents, I had been predicted more A's. When I text my parents my results because they were both at work my Mom sounded disappointed but said well done anyway. I Dad replied with "I think you should go home straight away and we'll talk about it when I get home", like I had disgraced the family or something! I am the 1st person in my family to get into university and will quickly be followed by my brother but my Dad only picks up on the negative, admittedly my Mom does as well but she does it out of constructive critisism, my Dad does it so he can be right.

 

I have not got a closed mind towards the therapy option but I think there are steps we need to take before that can happen, like legal advice.

[outofdarkness]

I am sorry about the last post, I got a little worked up about my Dad being so crap towards us. I mean when I got my GCSE results (I was 16 when I finished them, not sure what the US equivalent is) I got 2A's 7B's and a D in art, which I'm rubbish at and didn't try in. The highest grade available was an A* (1 above an A). My results were considered pretty damn great but when I read them I burst into tears because I knew they wouldn't be good enough for my parents, I had been predicted more A's. When I text my parents my results because they were both at work my Mom sounded disappointed but said well done anyway. I Dad replied with "I think you should go home straight away and we'll talk about it when I get home", like I had disgraced the family or something! I am the 1st person in my family to get into university and will quickly be followed by my brother but my Dad only picks up on the negative, admittedly my Mom does as well but she does it out of constructive critisism, my Dad does it so he can be right.

 

I have not got a closed mind towards the therapy option but I think there are steps we need to take before that can happen, like legal advice.

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders! I do agree that your Mom needs some legal advice first...I also know what it's like to feel like your parent(s) are disappointed in all that you do. My Mom was sort of like a drama queen, not so much into the whole academic stuff, but my Dad seemed to be disappointed and find a way to criticize every little thing that I did, right up until the time I stopped contact five years ago. I am 43 now! Some things never change...teens have been going through situations like this w/ abusive and/or negligent parents forever and will contineu to, sadly enough. The thing you need to make sure of is that you don't continue this unhealthy pattern in your family. I married someone more like my Dad then I ever thought. History repeats itself! You can break the cycle, but it takes alot of works. As parents, we only now what WE were taught, so we repeat it, unaware that it might be abusive or unhealthy until someone breaks the cycle. Hope this helps you, I am thinking and praying for you..Have to run..

[ConfusedTeen]

The guy I am with now is NOTHING like my Dad at all and things are wonderful with him and I can't see an end to it, neither can he.

 

So I know I will try my best not to repeat the actions of my parents.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

God, if these men in their persuit for happiness had to live one day in the lives of the family they crushed they wouldn't be able bear their selves. Of course your dad acts like that, he HAS to put himself in that frame of mind to live with himself and to continue as he does. Its called projection. They have to do it to deal. Kinda sick. Confused teen, the day you get PM I'ld love to send you my daughters email, incase you two ever might want to talk. Your situations are so similar, the differences are so slight that everytime I read your posts I can't help but think its her! Good luck to you and your mom and your brother.

[ConfusedTeen]

PM? It would be nice to talk to someone who has been through it, thank you.

[outofdarkness]

PM? It would be nice to talk to someone who has been through it, thank you.

pm is private message..you can go to your settings to get this...yep, it's nice to be able to just chat one on one with someone who can relate...

[PoshPrincess]

I am sorry about the last post, I got a little worked up about my Dad being so crap towards us. I mean when I got my GCSE results (I was 16 when I finished them, not sure what the US equivalent is) I got 2A's 7B's and a D in art, which I'm rubbish at and didn't try in. The highest grade available was an A* (1 above an A). My results were considered pretty damn great but when I read them I burst into tears because I knew they wouldn't be good enough for my parents, I had been predicted more A's. When I text my parents my results because they were both at work my Mom sounded disappointed but said well done anyway. I Dad replied with "I think you should go home straight away and we'll talk about it when I get home", like I had disgraced the family or something! I am the 1st person in my family to get into university and will quickly be followed by my brother but my Dad only picks up on the negative, admittedly my Mom does as well but she does it out of constructive critisism, my Dad does it so he can be right.

 

I have not got a closed mind towards the therapy option but I think there are steps we need to take before that can happen, like legal advice.

 

There really is no need to apologise hun. You are obviously going through one hell of a bad time at the moment and at a very important time in your life.

 

What is it with Dads? Yours sounds very much like mine. I did ok in my O Levels (as GCSEs were called back then!) but he was never particularly encouraging - any praise was always a backhanded compliment like, "Well, that's ok, but you should've done this..." kind of thing. I used to get comments like, "Aren't you interested in anything other than pop music and make-up?" (Of course not, Dad, because I am 16!!!!) I did have other interests, just nothing that interested HIM! I know my younger brother feels the same; in fact it was probably worse for him. I still get comments now like, "Didn't they teach you anything at school?" and I'm a 35 year old mother. Like you say, we learn from our parents mistakes and try not to make the same ones, which is a good thing.

 

I am sure deep down your parents must be very proud of you, even if they don't always show it. No doubt your Mum is, what with all the support you're giving her at the moment. They should be very proud about the fact that you have made it to university and good on you! I wish I had done.