skurvylover Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 my ex and i broke up about eight months ago...... she brought up the idea of maybe taking a break because we both knew that there was a problem in our relationship....... for starters, she was school and work both full-time and i was about to start a full-time job myself..... the night we broke up I was in total shock, I will not lie there were times where i did think maybe a break was necessary, to help us see what it would like without eachother and see if we were really right for eachother..... I must have said a bunch of stupid things that night, not insulting or anything, just like "i cant see you with another guy", "im gonna miss you", things like that. when we finally got off the phone i felt terrible.... and the next day may have been the absolute worst day of my life..... i called her that week and we spoke for maybe 2 seconds before she said she had to go... she never called back..... my friends said just let go her go and let her call you, which i thought was the right thing to do, i knew her life was much more stressful than mine and i dint want to add to it (in reality, i just didnt want to do anything to push her away further), but i mean i still would go out, talk to other girls, just to try to get my mind off of her because i was a mess. whatever, a month went by, no phone call, nothing, i texted her a week and a half after we broke up asking her to talk and she said we will but not today.... well..... months went by, my birthday, more time, nothing. i passed by her in school (we went to the same school, but i only saw her a total of 3 times), and we just looked at eachohter, said nothing. i had found out from her friend that she had become really full of herself, because she was getting so much attention, and it blew up her head...... when i saw her i can honestly say it was awful..... i felt terrible.... there she was the girl i'm in love with and she looked at me with this look of hate. i know i'm partially at fault for the break up obviously..... but i didnt think i deserved that. well regardless, time has passed and i am doing a lot better. problem is, i have nights like this still, where im a mess, and i cant stop thinking about her.... and it hurts because it feels like the second we broke up she stopped caring about me.... and i know there's things i could have done different in the relationship, but im not a bad person, i've done stupid things yes ( not cheated on her or anything), but it's awful. here i am, i cant make a mental connection with anyone anymore, and she's out ther with someone now. our would be 3 year anniversary is next month, and i try not to think about it, but it's awful. i have dreams about her where im back together with her... but i know she's not the same person anymore... and i guess the fact that i really didnt want to break up the night we agreed on a 'break' hurts more. it wasn't a break she wanted. she wanted to break up. i found out from someone else. so i was b.s.'d on the night we broke up and im all alone. i cant stop thinking about her doing things with other guys, or me not finding someone who's right for me, because as great and unique as she was, i look back and wonder whether her and i were really compatible. we were togther for a long time, but i was more of a crazy type kid, that loved just hanging out with friends, going to bars with everyone and having a great time, she was more into just going to the movies and bowling, things like that, that i love, because i dont want a crazy girl, but it feels like everything i feel like im going to be ok and move on and find someone who is perfect for me, it turns out to be nothing more than a plateau, and im feeling like crap again. and i cant take it anymore. i had my worse semester in school last semester because i couldnt take her off my midn and i was depressed all the time, and i promised myself that i would do great in school this semester like i use to, but the date looms and a month away and im already feeling awful again. please someone help me. i dont know what to do, maybe this is a great way to vent, but man i feel as if though i'm being punished and i deserve every minute of this, and maybe i do, but then if i do, for how long???
Author skurvylover Posted January 27, 2007 Author Posted January 27, 2007 i guess another thing that bothers me.... A LOT....... how is it that 8 months later i still care about the things that she apparently does not care about at all?
DatingQuestions Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 I am so sorry that you are going through this. (((((hugs))))) Do yourself a favor and snap out of this. You've been in this mode for too long, and until YOU decide to get well, things won't get better. Remember that you are the only one that have that power to make a change for your own sake! Do you want to live the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself? Or do you want to see yourself in a new light and CHOOSE to live a victorious life? I hope that you will make the right decision! Good luck to you!
rab5 Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Yes it's very hard. especially frustrating after 8 months. I was released the same way, "we are going to take some time off" which was exactly your situation, an end with no intention of getting back together. I wish people can just be honest and say it's over than the healing process would be quicker. Seems as if the little hope for reuniting makes it worse. In your case it sounds like you really have to try the jealosy factor, be seen with a girl and walk right by her; giving her a blank stare back. I sucks playing games but it sounds like you really have to move forward and someone new will expedite this. Or talk to a professional whom can help you make light of this to why your still stuck. I, after three, months am trying to push myself to talk to someone to get my life back because not healthy to hold on to long. Best of luck and go get someone....
Author skurvylover Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Thank you for your inputs. The night I wrote that I was in a particularly sad state and I've felt better since then. I too feel that the way for me to move forward is by meeting someone. Lately I have become more accepting that what's done is done, however meeting someone will be another challenge. it's not a problem, i go out a whole lot but I have a lot of trouble making an sort of real connection with anyone. I dont' know if it has to do with her because I was talking to someone for about a month and a half just fine but we ended it because it just wasn't going anywhere. However, I truly feel that I need to meet someone at this point, I'm not talking serious relationship because I know I won't be ready to give that sort of thing a chance for a while, but at least someone to have some contact with, go see a movie go to dinner things like that, other than the typical meet a girl every weekend gig, I'm just not very good at that (haha). As far as my problem with not being able to make any sort of connection, is this a problem? I just am not interested, in ANYONE, or anything. Regardless, thank you for your help, any more suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am so glad I found this site, I honestly feel like I needed to vent that night, and my friends just cant bear to listen to me anymore. But yes, it is time for me to move forward. Thanks again guys.
Recommended Posts