flowergirl Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 Hey everyone, what's goin' on? So, I've been going out with a lovely young man for a little over a year now.(you can read my "Stupid Philosophies" post for more background on us). For that entire time, I've been going to visit him, first at a house he shared with some guy friends and now at his apartment where he lives alone. I usually go 2-3 times a week and sometimes stay for the weekend. I casually mentioned moving in together, not necesarily to make it happen now, but just to gauge where he was in the process. He logically said that I'd have to stay there for at least 3-4 nights in a row before moving in, to see if that works out, which of course makes sense, but, although he's casually mentioned the future since the last conversation, he hasn't actually asked me to stay over more. He did say that I should just let the relationship happen. He's always happy to see me when I do come over and when I'm not there, he asks when he'll see me again, excepting the night he's hanging with his friends, and on those nights, he'll call on the phone. Now, I'm 31 and he's 26, and I'm aware that young men that age generally need to have their independence and get their bearings, and I'm not really trying to rush anything, jsut wondering if I'm being too impatient on this matter and whether I should be worried at all.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 how far away do u live from each other? and why doesnt he come see u? it sounds like moving in together would just be u not having to come see him all the time because u'd already be there. he's not ready to move in obviously (or else he would have taken u up on ur suggestion), so maybe ask him if he wouldnt mind taking turns with the visitation.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 My personal opinion is that anything less than a full two years in a healthy relationship is too soon to move in together. I don't believe that either partner fully lets their guard down, takes their mask off, until at least a year. The second year is to experience more situations that can possibly stress a relationship to it's fullest extent. I have spent a lifetime (okay 22 years of actual adult time) moving in with and marrying people too fast. I simply did not know the real men when I took things to a further plane. It has always been a mistake for me and I just learned that we are all on our best behavior in that first year. We're afraid to step on toes and truly speak our minds, feelings, and opinions. So, if you experience any red flags in that first year, trust me they only get much worse. If he/she seems quick to anger, run. If he/she seems dependent on drugs/alcohol/name-your-poison, run. Any thing you know you can't handle long term generally rears it's ugly head in that first year and that demon grows and grows. Yet many of us ignore the beast that lives within. So, I wouldn't think about it for several more months. I also think that if he were enamored with the idea it would have come up again. 3-4 nights in a row? C'mon, at least 3-4 weeks in a row, and I would suggest months but I know most would not live with someone and continue paying bills at their own place that long (with the possible exception of myself.)
Author flowergirl Posted January 27, 2007 Author Posted January 27, 2007 Well, Lauriebell, I live with my parents. I have bipolar, and I attempted suicide so I moved back in here to recover, and I got comfortable, as sometimes happens. Anyway, I think it would be weird to have him come here for the entire weekend with my parents around, but he does come around every couple of months to have dinner and once even made dinner for me, my mom and her friend over here. Dropdeadlegs, I understand what you mean about red flags. I've had a history of dating bad boys, so I used to worry because my BF used to like his whiskey, but that's changing and now he might have a glass or two every couple of days, which is a vast improvement. Anyway, thanks for the input.
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