confusednbewildered Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 I posted a while back about my sexless marriage. We don't have sex at all. Its a long story but I have learned some other facts that really are tormenting me and I really don't know what to do. I need to confront my husband but I am so afraid to. I know my husband looks at porn daily - that doesn't bother me - I figured its something all men do and it don't necessarily mean that they don't love their wife. My husband has a messenger which he leaves open all the time and he does have ladies on there that are his "friends". He usually chats with them when I am there - its just harmless things that they say to each other. Now one of these ladies asked him if he finally got married - he told her yes, so I was ok with that. BUT the other day I noticed in his email he had received an email from her - it was just a link to some pictures, the first picture looked harmless enough but then when I looked (I know I shouldn't have and I guess it serves me right) there were pictures of her taken with her webcam in a state of undress! Now I havent let on I saw these pictures and he has never mentioned them. Of course I was upset that she had sent them but I figured I would let it go - for now. Well it appears that my husband is chatting on the computer while I am at work - he works from home. There is a new name on his buddy list and he seems to want to spend more time at home these days. Especially the past week or so. He used to call me several times a day but all of a sudden he has stopped talking to me as often - I get one call a day if I am lucky (we own our own business and I work at the office because I have to be there he works at home because there is stuff that can only be done from home). Usually on a saturday he comes in to the office with me - he has suddenly told me that he will not be coming to the office with me tomorrow as he isnt feeling well. I am sorry to say that I really dont believe him. I think he is staying at home so he can talk to someone on line. This morning he IM'd me to tell me that he loves me lots - I find this a sign of his guilt over something. He never has open displays of affection like that come out of the blue - he usually asks how my day is going or something but to just keep telling me he loves me makes it feel like he is feeling a little guilty over something. I know I need to confront him I have only been married a year and this just seems to be gnawing away at me - but how on earth do I approach him? I just wish he would look at me when I am naked and touch me, but he doesnt and then to find he has recieved pictures from someone like that has really torn me apart. I love him and I know he loves me - he told me he cannot believe he has someone in his life who loves him so much and he has told me that we will be together forever. Right now I am not feeling that is true. Sorry for the rant but I just needed to get it out. Thank you for reading.
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 Tell him you know what's been going on, and his 'chatting' with other women online has to end. That was fine when it was just chatting, and nothing else, but now he's taken it to another level and that's cheating, even if it's online and he thinks it's harmless - Maybe it is to him, but the women on the side of the screen probably doesn't see it that way... Also, check your phone bills, his cellphone bill too. Let him know you love him too, but you're not going to put up with him doing this online. It will ruin your marriage, and your trust in him even more. Keep posting and please, talk to him soon. I know it will be hard for you, but once you two talk, atleast you can deal with what's going on.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 I posted a while back about my sexless marriage. We don't have sex at all. I love him and I know he loves me - he told me he cannot believe he has someone in his life who loves him so much and he has told me that we will be together forever. OK, confusednbewildered, what's wrong with the above picture??? Mr. Lucky
Author confusednbewildered Posted January 29, 2007 Author Posted January 29, 2007 Mr. Lucky - I don't know!
Mr. Lucky Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Mr. Lucky - I don't know! At least to me, there is an obvious contradiction between the two statements. You can't love someone so much and make plans to be together forever in a sexually frustrating vacuum. At the risk of stating the obvious, sex is one of the main forms of communication between spouses. How does you husband explain the sizable gap between "I love you" and "I don't want to have sex with you"? Mr. Lucky
Flyin in Clouds Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 ... How does you husband explain the sizable gap between "I love you" and "I don't want to have sex with you"? Particularly after just one year of marriage! I mean if you had been married for 10, 20, or 30 years I could understand a little better but ... one year? So, buy some sexy new clothes, change your hair color and get made up really hot and say "Honey, don't wait up" as you walk out the door. If that doesn't bother him, if he goes on ignoring you, then you need to face that it's over between you.
azera Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 U have only been married for one year, how do u plan on spending the rest of your life with him without sex. People need to have sex. Ive been married 27 yrs and we have sex everyday. I couldnt imagine not having sex, thats the best part of being married. I would ask him what is going on with these other women and ask him why he doesnt want sex with u.
MoonGirl Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 CNB, I'm in a sexless marriage and it sucks. It has been well over 2 years since I've been touched and during our 6 years together, I think we've had sex less than 30 times. It takes a toll. Get some help now before it's too late. Your husband should not be talking to ladies on line. It's obviously affecting your marriage!
Karma24 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 So, buy some sexy new clothes, change your hair color and get made up really hot and say "Honey, don't wait up" as you walk out the door. If that doesn't bother him, if he goes on ignoring you, then you need to face that it's over between you. I agree with this post. ************************ Sorry about your problem, toots. Sounds like red flags all over the place. Me, personally, I couldn't do without sex. Regardless of whether you could do without it or not is irrelevant at this point. The issue is whether or not your husband is up to no good (which seems to be the case).
woodyman Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 I am young, I know, but it seems to me that while you are out, he may, MAY, be using pictures to release pent up sexual energy. If this is the case during the days, then he wont so much feel in the mood when you are home. I agree with what was said about you going out, however much it may make you feel a bit wrong, bare in mind, he is doing (albeit in a different way), the exact same thing to you to make you feel like you are. Get a sexy dress on, make-up, hair done, all the things that make a women feel great about herself, and when (if) asked...you are just going out with friends. His reaction will tell you how much he really is arsed about you. This might seem childish and petty, but i am sure people that class it as that have felt that emotion before...sometimes doing the "petty" things can in fact spark a stronger emotion than anything else.
hopeto Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 My husband is additiced to porn. this is the reason for the no sex life for you. my husband goes as far and belittles me all the time. thats ok cause I will show him who is fat and nasty when joe shmo takes his place!!!!!! we have been married and together for 18 years. to long and now he is really mean to me and lays all the blame on me. thats ok cause GOD says what comes around goes around ten times over!!! he will be married 20 times like his mom and half crazy when he is in his early 40'sr. he will not change unless he loves you. and to me if someone has an adiction then they have to relize it is an addiction. love is not enough trust me been there done that and fixing to go through a really nasty divorce.
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