Valentine's Day... an Optimal Time to Bust a Cheater.

[Ladyjane14]

I'm reminded by another thread that Valentine's Day is fast approaching. For those of you who have come to the Infidelity Forum because you are experiencing doubts about your partner's faithfulness... NOW is the time for action.

 

Problems can't be effectively solved until they're properly identified. So regardless of what a betrayed spouse elects to do with the information gathered, there's still something to be had in having the correct data before decisions are made. You might choose to end the relationship with your cheating S/O, or you might elect to repair it. Either way, you win if you're back in the driver's seat of YOUR LIFE. So, don't be an ostrich with your head stuck in the sand. If you have significant reasons for doubt... snoop away!

 

Holidays, particularly a romantic holiday like Valentine's Day, present us with a unique opportunity in that affair partner's tend to get clumsy. One can't forget, these people are choosing their actions based on their own emotional response to infatuation. Infatuation being the powerful beast it is... it can lead people into carelessness.

 

Now is the best time to set up your sting. High tech equipment like keyloggers and voice activated recorders can be installed in advance of the holiday. Don't forget... affair partners talk, and talk, and talk. Detail records on cell phones can sometimes tell you everything you need to know.

 

Likewise, steps should be taken to monitor financial accounts. It's difficult to provide your affair partner with a trinket without spending any money on it. Money can usually be tracked down. Even cash withdrawals that can't be accounted for, tell us something. Look for expenditures in unlikely places as well. Most cheaters use cash, but occasionally one will slip up and use a credit card in an otherwise innocuous place like maybe a gas station. Well, if it's in a location where your partner shouldn't have been... somebody's got some 'splainin' to do.

 

Now, alot of cheaters are fully aware that an already suspicious partner is going to have his/her radar on for such a romantic holiday. These ones will NOT make contact on the actual day. They will make arrangements to "celebrate" during the days/weeks previous or after. So, don't concentrate ALL of your surveillance on just the one day of February 14th.

 

Also, don't forget to be on the lookout AFTER the holiday for any "trinkets" your cheater might have in his/her possession. Check through vehicles and work spaces if you have access to them. Check in closets and pockets too.

 

Bottom line.... it feels weird to check up on our mate.

It makes us feel like a spy. And I would only encourage those who have a REALLY good reason to believe there's something going on before going that route. Let's not be paranoid for nothing, folks.

 

That said, cheaters will NOT volunteer the truth if they're involved in a romantic affair until they're caught out. The betrayed spouse is stuck in limbo, unable to make decisions that will move their own lives forward.

 

 

 

p.s. I would encourage any betrayed spouse that DOES end up uncovering an affair, to take a few days and decide what you're going to do with the information before divulging it. For example, a person who opts to divorce the cheater, might want to look into divorce procedures in their local area BEFORE confronting. The evidence gathered might be inadaquate for filing on grounds. Physical safety should be taken into consideration as well. Is your spouse violent? If so, you'll want to make certain that you've taken steps to protect yourself and your family.

[Zathrus]

Damn! This place is like the Twilight Zone!

 

I'm reminded by another thread that Valentine's Day is fast approaching. For those of you who have come to the Infidelity Forum because you are experiencing doubts about your partner's faithfulness... NOW is the time for action.

 

Problems can't be effectively solved until they're properly identified. So regardless of what a betrayed spouse elects to do with the information gathered, there's still something to be had in having the correct data before decisions are made. You might choose to end the relationship with your cheating S/O, or you might elect to repair it. Either way, you win if you're back in the driver's seat of YOUR LIFE. So, don't be an ostrich with your head stuck in the sand. If you have significant reasons for doubt... snoop away!

 

Holidays, particularly a romantic holiday like Valentine's Day, present us with a unique opportunity in that affair partner's tend to get clumsy. One can't forget, these people are choosing their actions based on their own emotional response to infatuation. Infatuation being the powerful beast it is... it can lead people into carelessness.

 

Now is the best time to set up your sting. High tech equipment like keyloggers and voice activated recorders can be installed in advance of the holiday. Don't forget... affair partners talk, and talk, and talk. Detail records on cell phones can sometimes tell you everything you need to know.

 

Likewise, steps should be taken to monitor financial accounts. It's difficult to provide your affair partner with a trinket without spending any money on it. Money can usually be tracked down. Even cash withdrawals that can't be accounted for, tell us something. Look for expenditures in unlikely places as well. Most cheaters use cash, but occasionally one will slip up and use a credit card in an otherwise innocuous place like maybe a gas station. Well, if it's in a location where your partner shouldn't have been... somebody's got some 'splainin' to do.

 

Now, alot of cheaters are fully aware that an already suspicious partner is going to have his/her radar on for such a romantic holiday. These ones will NOT make contact on the actual day. They will make arrangements to "celebrate" during the days/weeks previous or after. So, don't concentrate ALL of your surveillance on just the one day of February 14th.

 

Also, don't forget to be on the lookout AFTER the holiday for any "trinkets" your cheater might have in his/her possession. Check through vehicles and work spaces if you have access to them. Check in closets and pockets too.

 

Bottom line.... it feels weird to check up on our mate.

It makes us feel like a spy. And I would only encourage those who have a REALLY good reason to believe there's something going on before going that route. Let's not be paranoid for nothing, folks.

 

That said, cheaters will NOT volunteer the truth if they're involved in a romantic affair until they're caught out. The betrayed spouse is stuck in limbo, unable to make decisions that will move their own lives forward.

 

 

 

p.s. I would encourage any betrayed spouse that DOES end up uncovering an affair, to take a few days and decide what you're going to do with the information before divulging it. For example, a person who opts to divorce the cheater, might want to look into divorce procedures in their local area BEFORE confronting. The evidence gathered might be inadaquate for filing on grounds. Physical safety should be taken into consideration as well. Is your spouse violent? If so, you'll want to make certain that you've taken steps to protect yourself and your family.

[Rooster_DAR]

I'm reminded by another thread that Valentine's Day is fast approaching. For those of you who have come to the Infidelity Forum because you are experiencing doubts about your partner's faithfulness... NOW is the time for action.

 

Problems can't be effectively solved until they're properly identified. So regardless of what a betrayed spouse elects to do with the information gathered, there's still something to be had in having the correct data before decisions are made. You might choose to end the relationship with your cheating S/O, or you might elect to repair it. Either way, you win if you're back in the driver's seat of YOUR LIFE. So, don't be an ostrich with your head stuck in the sand. If you have significant reasons for doubt... snoop away!

 

Holidays, particularly a romantic holiday like Valentine's Day, present us with a unique opportunity in that affair partner's tend to get clumsy. One can't forget, these people are choosing their actions based on their own emotional response to infatuation. Infatuation being the powerful beast it is... it can lead people into carelessness.

 

Now is the best time to set up your sting. High tech equipment like keyloggers and voice activated recorders can be installed in advance of the holiday. Don't forget... affair partners talk, and talk, and talk. Detail records on cell phones can sometimes tell you everything you need to know.

 

Likewise, steps should be taken to monitor financial accounts. It's difficult to provide your affair partner with a trinket without spending any money on it. Money can usually be tracked down. Even cash withdrawals that can't be accounted for, tell us something. Look for expenditures in unlikely places as well. Most cheaters use cash, but occasionally one will slip up and use a credit card in an otherwise innocuous place like maybe a gas station. Well, if it's in a location where your partner shouldn't have been... somebody's got some 'splainin' to do.

 

Now, alot of cheaters are fully aware that an already suspicious partner is going to have his/her radar on for such a romantic holiday. These ones will NOT make contact on the actual day. They will make arrangements to "celebrate" during the days/weeks previous or after. So, don't concentrate ALL of your surveillance on just the one day of February 14th.

 

Also, don't forget to be on the lookout AFTER the holiday for any "trinkets" your cheater might have in his/her possession. Check through vehicles and work spaces if you have access to them. Check in closets and pockets too.

 

Bottom line.... it feels weird to check up on our mate.

It makes us feel like a spy. And I would only encourage those who have a REALLY good reason to believe there's something going on before going that route. Let's not be paranoid for nothing, folks.

 

That said, cheaters will NOT volunteer the truth if they're involved in a romantic affair until they're caught out. The betrayed spouse is stuck in limbo, unable to make decisions that will move their own lives forward.

 

 

 

p.s. I would encourage any betrayed spouse that DOES end up uncovering an affair, to take a few days and decide what you're going to do with the information before divulging it. For example, a person who opts to divorce the cheater, might want to look into divorce procedures in their local area BEFORE confronting. The evidence gathered might be inadaquate for filing on grounds. Physical safety should be taken into consideration as well. Is your spouse violent? If so, you'll want to make certain that you've taken steps to protect yourself and your family.

 

Excellent Excellent Excellent advice!

 

I could not have said it better myself. Thinking back regarding my situation, I am so glad I snooped and found the evidence I needed. I think if I would just have ignored the whole thing I would not have come out of the thing as emotionally fit as I am now.

 

Great post,

[Ladyjane14]

Damn! This place is like the Twilight Zone!

 

How so?

You know people come to "this place" because they're dealing with infidelity in their committed relationships, or because they suspect they might be.

 

Is it right for a man to go to his work-a-day job, busting his hump everyday... just so his wife can loll about in his very own bed with another man? Doesn't he have a right to choose if that's okay with him or not?

 

How about the woman who's tucking the kids into bed each night alone, shopping the discount stores and clipping coupons by day... just so her ne-er do well husband can spend the marital assets on his mistress?

 

How about the man or woman who is exposed without benefit of consent to the risk of STD's?

 

Do you REALLY think folks like these shouldn't be allowed to make their own choices? ... particularly when they already have enough cause for doubt that they're surfing infidelity forums?

[Zathrus]

Nah, I hear you. It's just odd to see this related to Valentine's day.

 

I'm just imagining some poor sap calling tech support for his PC because it's taking him forever to order that cruise package for him and the missus. Of course little does he know he's got 11 keyloggers on his system

 

How so?

You know people come to "this place" because they're dealing with infidelity in their committed relationships, or because they suspect they might be.

 

Is it right for a man to go to his work-a-day job, busting his hump everyday... just so his wife can loll about in his very own bed with another man? Doesn't he have a right to choose if that's okay with him or not?

 

How about the woman who's tucking the kids into bed each night alone, shopping the discount stores and clipping coupons by day... just so her ne-er do well husband can spend the marital assets on his mistress?

 

How about the man or woman who is exposed without benefit of consent to the risk of STD's?

 

Do you REALLY think folks like these shouldn't be allowed to make their own choices? ... particularly when they already have enough cause for doubt that they're surfing infidelity forums?

[NoIDidn't]

Cheating sucks. I don't know why anyone thinks this is an easier option than working through the issues with their spouse.

 

Anyone with any religious bent, seriously committed religious bent, probably already believes that the only real justifiable reason for D is cheating. The other issues that cheaters typically complain about can be fixed, if they and their partners get down into the mud and clean it up.

 

For the persons tasked with this job of hunting down the truth, the only thing I will add is: try to be as emotionally prepared as you possibly can be. Nothing hurts more and is more confusing than finding something you are suspecting but not expecting to be able to confirm. Have a plan in mind. Sit on whatever you find until you are ready to talk about it with someone. And don't tell anyone that is likely to get it back to your WS.

[tinktronik]

Nah, I hear you. It's just odd to see this related to Valentine's day.

 

I'm just imagining some poor sap calling tech support for his PC because it's taking him forever to order that cruise package for him and the missus. Of course little does he know he's got 11 keyloggers on his system

That was the first thing I though too. A valentines Day thread about spying and catching a cheater . What has the world come to?

 

The 11 keyloggers was funny though. :lmao:

[Ladyjane14]

That was the first thing I though too. A valentines Day thread about spying and catching a cheater . What has the world come to?

 

Yeah, it's a sad thing alright.

But you know what else is sad? ... The woman at the card shop, sifting through the valentines in order to find a "For My Husband" card with least amount of sentiment on it. After she finds one, she'll move on further down the aisle and pick out a mushy-gushy one for her lover.

 

Sadder still, she'll probably ring them both together at the register and then make payment from the joint account she shares with her husband. Later on that night, she'll pick a fight with him over nothing so she doesn't have to 'put out', and then sneak off to the bathroom with her phone hidden in her pocket where she'll text-message the OM and tell him how much she misses him.

 

Meanwhile, our unwitting betrayed spouse has a wide assortment of emotions to select from. Anywhere from bemusement, wondering why nothing he does ever pleases her, to anger over yet another sexual rejection, guilt, lonliness, frustration, you name it. He's living in limbo... but he doesn't know why.

 

And hey... reverse genders where applicable. It'll be the same old sad story going on all over the world.

[Rooster_DAR]

Yeah, it's a sad thing alright.

But you know what else is sad? ... The woman at the card shop, sifting through the valentines in order to find a "For My Husband" card with least amount of sentiment on it. After she finds one, she'll move on further down the aisle and pick out a mushy-gushy one for her lover.

 

Sadder still, she'll probably ring them both together at the register and then make payment from the joint account she shares with her husband. Later on that night, she'll pick a fight with him over nothing so she doesn't have to 'put out', and then sneak off to the bathroom with her phone hidden in her pocket where she'll text-message the OM and tell him how much she misses him.

 

Meanwhile, our unwitting betrayed spouse has a wide assortment of emotions to select from. Anywhere from bemusement, wondering why nothing he does ever pleases her, to anger over yet another sexual rejection, guilt, lonliness, frustration, you name it. He's living in limbo... but he doesn't know why.

 

And hey... reverse genders where applicable. It'll be the same old sad story going on all over the world.

 

Jesus! That is definately what's happenening and your context brings out the harsh and sad reality of it.

 

It gives me chills when I see an elderly couple holding hands, and after speaking to them, finding out they have been together for 20+ years. They are getting rarer and rarer, and it seems cheaters are the norm now. For me, I still will maintain my integrity and I will not cheat, never have never will.

 

Excellent post!

[Art_Critic]

On a local radio station here they do this show where they have women call in that think their BF's or Husbands are cheating on them..

She gives the radio station his phone number and they call him posing as a new florist in town and they got his number from a mailing list..

they then tell him he has won a free dozen roses to be delivered and where would he like them to go to..

 

You would be amazed at how many guys get nailed by having the roses sent to their OW..

 

hahahaha

[Unbeleivable]

On a local radio station here they do this show where they have women call in that think their BF's or Husbands are cheating on them..

She gives the radio station his phone number and they call him posing as a new florist in town and they got his number from a mailing list..

they then tell him he has won a free dozen roses to be delivered and where would he like them to go to..

 

You would be amazed at how many guys get nailed by having the roses sent to their OW..

 

hahahaha

 

heh, "War of the Roses" its called (KTU is it? at least in my area), I've heard that before.

 

Some valuable advice in that first post.

[Art_Critic]

"War of the Roses"

 

Yep.. but here it is Star94.. they must do the same show in different cities

[Rooster_DAR]

You know, I've been debating for a long time now whether I want a T-shirt and bumper stickers that verbalize how I feel about cheaters.

 

Something like;

 

"No Cheaters Allowed"

 

"Cheaters are Losers"

 

"Cheaters Suck!"

 

"IOI"

(Idiots of Indefelity)

 

"F**king Cheaters!"

 

 

Okay, but at least you got the idea.

[Art_Critic]

You know, I've been debating for a long time now whether I want a T-shirt and bumper stickers that verbalize how I feel about cheaters.

 

The cheaters tv show website has an online store where they sell t-shirts and stuff with slogans on them.. nothing radical though.

 

Like womens panties that say "CONTENTS OFF LIMITS" on them

[Rooster_DAR]

The cheaters tv show website has an online store where they sell t-shirts and stuff with slogans on them.. nothing radical though

 

Cool I'll check it out, that show is still airing? Me and my cheating EX used to love to watch that show. Seems fate has a sense of irony to it.

 

D'oh!

[magichands]

Who wants to be my "secret" valentine?

[Ladyjane14]

Jesus! That is definately what's happenening and your context brings out the harsh and sad reality of it.

 

It gives me chills when I see an elderly couple holding hands, and after speaking to them, finding out they have been together for 20+ years. They are getting rarer and rarer, and it seems cheaters are the norm now. For me, I still will maintain my integrity and I will not cheat, never have never will.

 

Excellent post!

 

Thanks Rooster. You know, it's sometimes the littlest things that show us best how truly ugly Infidelty can be. The betrayed spouse is left to just waste away in emotional terms.... still investing daily into a relationship in which he is being unwitting STARVED of what s/he needs, and unable to make sense of it all. It's like having a tapeworm in your gut. You might eat... but you're lacking any real nutrition.

 

 

I like observing little old couple too, btw.

But I did meet this one couple who'd been married for something like 70 years. The husband had a rather florid history of serial cheating in their youth, and weirdly, as senility began creeping up on them... this became almost like a current event for his wife.

 

I don't know as much about brain function as I'd like to, but it seems that the short-term memories leave us before our earlier ones do, almost as if the circuitry defects are akin to peeling an onion. The newest memories at the outside layers seem to be the first to go in alot of ways.

 

So here was this little old lady with VERY vibrant memories of her husband cheating on her... and FEELING those memories as if they were current. She was as angry as if he'd just stepped out on her the day before.

 

Anyway, I don't see the need for people to waste their good years on someone who doesn't value them the way they should. Better to invest in a partner who can give you what you need in order to feel content with your life. And while I don't believe in the old cliche...."Once a cheater, always a cheater", I think the betrayed spouse deserves to have a REAL CHOICE in the expenditure of their time and energy. They can't make the best decisions for themselves when they don't have all the pertinent data.

 

 

 

p.s. Great story Art.

That's a really unique and creative way to uncover the truth. Who's going to turn down FREE flowers?

[Romeo Must Die]

This is actually a good topic because you have to be timely to catch a cheater, and patience wears thin when you get to a point where you just know something is wrong, but you dont know what to do about it. So the arguement of spying on your spouse is irrelavant at that point, cuz they probably are cheating. Thats a no brainer. Its even harder if your (trusted) spouse is having a cloak and dagger affair he will deny it and swear on the heads of their children they are not cheating, even when they are.

 

I would add one more fact to this holiday investigation tip. Most men buy their gifts the day before Valentines day, or on that very day and at the last minute. You dont even have to monitor the computer as long as you keep good watch on recepits and purchases if you know what I mean. They may have the incriminating receipt in their pocket, in the car or even in the garbage can. There are PI's that go through the garbage cans to get info on the subjects they need to investigate. Logicly you would know everything about their activities, from their favorite toothpaste to what they had for dinner the night before. Very telling.

 

Anyway, That would be the best time to watch a WS. Many of us who have been betrayed will tell you that our WS were creatures of habit and we know our husbands well so that when they change, even just a little bit, we sense it like a pussycats instincts to retract her claws and hiss when she is cornered by a bad old doggie, that this cute little citty has some sharp claws....

 

*hisssss!!!!*

 

[Rooster_DAR]

You know, I seem to remember a time when I would posts topics on spying and met with much resistence regarding this topic. I remember many posters replying that they thought spying was unacceptable, and indicated you have insecurity issues. Perhaps for a small percentage of people, but generally this is stupid to believe.

 

I don't see this much anymore, perhaps these people finally realized that spying is acceptable under the right circumstances. To me this is a not brainer, we live in a world where cheating is the rule, and people would rather die they be truthful about their filandering.

 

I remember sometime back someone replied to one of my threads and stated "Trust has to be earned", and I really feel that was so true. I think I even may have convinced my therapist this is true without resistence from her. It doesn't mean you have to follow your partner around with a magnifying glass, it just means over a given period of time that they show you they are cabable of being honest in the relationship, to me that's not a whole lot to ask.

 

Cheers!

[scubafish]

ladyjane, have you ever thought about writing articles for magazines? or a book? you really have clarity in your writing!

[Rooster_DAR]

ladyjane, have you ever thought about writing articles for magazines? or a book? you really have clarity in your writing!

 

I agree, she has a good head on her shoulders and is very insightful.