She said a weird statement to me.

[higherground5]

So as everyone knows I've been dating this girl for six months. The relationship has had its ups and downs, but we've managed to work through the downs. Recently, she was in bed with me just lying by my side, and said "seeing we are both so deep in the relationship now, I feel as if we both need to realize, if we feel our feelings going astray, we need to tell eachother". This was followed with "well, sometimes there might be external factors in the situation, and we might get curious to know more". Then "we should just let the other person know because it's just the right thing to do".

 

So...what the heck is this all about. She told me that she's happy and things are going great, but I don't know what to make of this. I mean I'm head over heals for this girl and I can't imagine saying something like that...I took it as more negative than anything. Does this make sense to anyone? I mean of course there are a lot of circumstances when a relationship might not work out, why did she have to address this? I mean she said she realizes I go out a lot, and she's not around half the time, but is she trying to justify something here?

 

Thanks,

Forbin

[dropdeadlegs]

I don't have a clue unless she is setting up the ground work for some kind of confession. That's what my BF calls it when somebody at work starts talking about things without being direct, like feeling sick. He's setting up the ground work to be absent tomorrow.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Your girlfriend could be attempting to unleash one or perhaps several issues all at once with that speech. Issues -or disappointments in the relationship that, in her view, require more attention thus far into the relationship.

 

From my point of view, I believe she isn't directly -or indirectly trying to profess to you her feelings-gone-astray, if you will.

 

Basically, she is doing a play on words. Somewhat like a tickle -or push of curiosity into the right direction -to unearth the realness [hindsight] of the relationship.

 

All in all, she is saying: There should be more trust, openness about one's concerns and love -and to take responsibility of the ins and outs. Since both of you [ -or at least you] are deep into the relationship, then it would be beneficial to express care and gratitude towards each other. Otherwise if you don't put enough effort and interest, the entire relationship falls apart.

 

Sand&Water

[Citizen Erased]

Either she is setting the groundwork for a future breakup, or she is insecure about your feelings for her and wants you to know that she would prefer it if you would tell her straight out. We cannot tell you, ASK her what she meant by it.

 

Communication is the best tool for a relationship so use it. Brace yourself for her letting you down, but if she has these fears you can set her right and you can truly move on.

[silentcharon]

Yes! Just ask her straight up what she meant by it.

[TheDC]

I think that she's trying to say one of several things

 

1. she wants to find out in a roundabout way if you have cheated on her
   
2. or if you do cheat that she'd want to know right away and not find out down the road.
   
3. she is trying to gauge your response because she has cheated on you and wants to know how you'll react without having to actually admit anything
   

[Art_Critic]

She is creating a door or window future use..

 

It might be that she senses that you cheated on her or knows something and is trying to get you to be upfront with her.

She will then use her statement as a reason for the breakup if you have lied to her..

 

Or she is laying the groundwork in case she needs an exit because she is thinking about somebody else..

 

No matter how you sum this one up it is an odd statement and stinks of something that has a hidden agenda.

 

Point blank ask her about..and by point blank I don't mean go after her and put her in a defensive stance.. I mean don't dodge around and just bring it up with her..

 

You could say something like :.. Hey babe.. the other night in bed you had mentioned .. etc.etc.. .after thinking about what you said I'm confused as to the meaning of your words.. I was wondering if you could explain what you meant when you said... etc. etc

 

Don't let this sit out there.. Talk with her about it...

[Mythical]

Mostly everyone has a very good point.

I don't think this is a bad thing at all. Me and my boy hade a talk about the same thing. She maybe be hinting to see if you would tell her/ or to see how you really do feel about her but its definetly not a bad thign she just deosn't want to get hurt. I told my boy..if you ever feel distant from me, interested in someone els, loss of interest wthat we have to agree to tell eachother which is obviously not as simple as it sounds but its showing she doesn't want to get hurt and that she respects you.

[serial muse]

Combining this with your other post from the other day (about her feeling like she can't talk to you during the day and that you don't call back - and, more importantly, in which you kind of admitted that you regulate how much attention you pay to her so that she won't start feeling too safe), it seems pretty clear to me that she's feeling waaaay insecure about your feelings for her.

 

So, I think maybe you've successfully accomplished the goal of not letting her get too comfortable - but now maybe you should try to make her feel more safe in the relationship?

[IpAncA]

She's talking about if your feeling go off where they shouldn't be (someone else or fade etc...), then you agree to mention it. Same goes for her. More like being open about things.

 

And yes it would be the right thing to do.