Celll phone locater and my discovery

[outofdarkness]

I asked my H, whom I discovered had cheated on me for 10 years, to please allow me to sign up for the gps locater service that our cell phone Co. provides. He agreed, I suppose thinking that I would never really use it...That I'd lose interest and it would become too much of a pain to actually sit down and check the stupid thing. He was right, I did become lazy...for a time...For some reason, I fired the thing back up late last week, and worked it out on the main menu so that two auto "safety" checks, as the cell phone co. calls them, would be done per week. One can set up these checks for any day, and any time. I actually forgot that I had done it, due to the fact that our son was in the hospital again for almost 10 days this time. Yesterday was my H's first day back at his office..One of the checks is set up for today.

 

Well...I had forgotten about it until I checked my email, which I put down as the contact when the phone has been located. He was located at a different place then his office...I jotted down the address and headed out as soon as I knew our son was settled...I could not find the exact address, but the only thing I did find were condos and townhomes...It's only a residential area. Traffic was too heavy for me to go slow enough to see the numbers, and some did not have numbers. I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt, so I called him on my way home and asked if he was hungry, saying that I was running late after an errand and had gotten into traffic..He said no, he was not hungry..I asked if he had taken one of his diet meals, yes, he's been on a diet, to work for lunch..He said he had along with some fruit. I commented on what a beautiful, sunny day it had been, and asked if he had gotten the chance to get out at all. He told me that no, unfortunately, he had not...He said he had been at the office all day. So...I gave him every opportunity to tell me if he had mabey dropped something off for a collegue, or taken a drive...

 

My heart dropped, and I am truly heartbroken. As sick as our son has been, I just don't know if I can handle another D day. The one that happened 2 years ago was devastating, and I was just feeling strong again. I know I probrably should post this on infidelity, but I am really intersted to know what the OW's on this forum think about this...Is this pretty typical?

 

I would really appreciate your advice. You all have been good to me for the most part..and I really value your opinions.

[NoIDidn't]

I am so sorry for your discovery. I know exactly how you feel. It is heartbreaking to know that he is lying to you, but you're not ready to confront him on it. Even if it does turn out to be something else, he was not forthcoming with you and that hurts.

 

Not an OW, but wanted to let you know, I know......I understand how you are feeling.

[GreenEyedLady]

I don't know if it's typical, but it does sound very suspicious and like he lied to you...You should definitely call him on it pronto...

 

I'm sorry about what you're going through...(((HUGS)))

[Rooster_DAR]

I asked my H, whom I discovered had cheated on me for 10 years, to please allow me to sign up for the gps locater service that our cell phone Co. provides. He agreed, I suppose thinking that I would never really use it...That I'd lose interest and it would become too much of a pain to actually sit down and check the stupid thing. He was right, I did become lazy...for a time...For some reason, I fired the thing back up late last week, and worked it out on the main menu so that two auto "safety" checks, as the cell phone co. calls them, would be done per week. One can set up these checks for any day, and any time. I actually forgot that I had done it, due to the fact that our son was in the hospital again for almost 10 days this time. Yesterday was my H's first day back at his office..One of the checks is set up for today.

 

Well...I had forgotten about it until I checked my email, which I put down as the contact when the phone has been located. He was located at a different place then his office...I jotted down the address and headed out as soon as I knew our son was settled...I could not find the exact address, but the only thing I did find were condos and townhomes...It's only a residential area. Traffic was too heavy for me to go slow enough to see the numbers, and some did not have numbers. I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt, so I called him on my way home and asked if he was hungry, saying that I was running late after an errand and had gotten into traffic..He said no, he was not hungry..I asked if he had taken one of his diet meals, yes, he's been on a diet, to work for lunch..He said he had along with some fruit. I commented on what a beautiful, sunny day it had been, and asked if he had gotten the chance to get out at all. He told me that no, unfortunately, he had not...He said he had been at the office all day. So...I gave him every opportunity to tell me if he had mabey dropped something off for a collegue, or taken a drive...

 

My heart dropped, and I am truly heartbroken. As sick as our son has been, I just don't know if I can handle another D day. The one that happened 2 years ago was devastating, and I was just feeling strong again. I know I probrably should post this on infidelity, but I am really intersted to know what the OW's on this forum think about this...Is this pretty typical?

 

I would really appreciate your advice. You all have been good to me for the most part..and I really value your opinions.

 

Lying **stard!

 

Usually when there is deception there is bad news. I'm sorry for this, but you're not alone. I've been married twice and recently engaged, and they all pretty much cheated and lied and each time very devastating.

 

Hang in there and let us know what is going on.

 

Regards,

[outofdarkness]

Thanks all for the encouraging words...I am tired and having a really hard time pretending like I nothing is wrong. I don't want him to know yet that I suspect b/c I need to be able to monitor things and if he knows, he'll cut it off immediately just until I "calm down"...This time, I'm going to do things differently so that if something really is going on, I can catch him hands down, no if and buts about it...

[BenThereDunThat]

Have you done a directory search on the address? Maybe it will give you a name and number?

 

That really sucks. I'm sorry you're going through that.

[movinon05]

Thanks all for the encouraging words...I am tired and having a really hard time pretending like I nothing is wrong. I don't want him to know yet that I suspect b/c I need to be able to monitor things and if he knows, he'll cut it off immediately just until I "calm down"...This time, I'm going to do things differently so that if something really is going on, I can catch him hands down, no if and buts about it...

 

I think you should do this as well. Nail him when you have proof so he can't weasle his way out with some bullshyt lie to make YOU feel like you're in the wrong. They're very good at that.

[lover's rock]

That sucks big time. I completely understand. I almost fainted when I found out my H was still seeing this OW after D-Day. Needless to say you have alot more self control than I had at that point. I'm better now but it's hell to go through. You have to decide whether he is worth the pain because love is not beautiful all the time. IMHO, 50% of the time it down right sucks. It's the nature of humanity that ****s it up. But be strong. Don't ever think that he's irreplacable.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks all for the encouraging words...I am tired and having a really hard time pretending like I nothing is wrong. I don't want him to know yet that I suspect b/c I need to be able to monitor things and if he knows, he'll cut it off immediately just until I "calm down"...This time, I'm going to do things differently so that if something really is going on, I can catch him hands down, no if and buts about it...

 

I am sorry that you're going through this. And acting like all is OK is gonna be rough on you...Keep posting and we'll help you through this.

[outofdarkness]

Have you done a directory search on the address? Maybe it will give you a name and number?

 

That really sucks. I'm sorry you're going through that.

Yes, I tried to do a directory search on the address, and no name came up. I am by nature a "detective sort" so I will keep trying. I think it's most likely a condo complex and that is what is confusing the searches I've done. I plan to hit the road again tomorrow after taking our daughter to school and making sure our son is ok...I've got loads on my plate right now, and this is the LAST thing I needed. Either he's very sick or just plain mean...I thought he was sick, but now I'm beginning to wonder...

[Romeo Must Die]

I think you should do this as well. Nail him when you have proof so he can't weasle his way out with some bullshyt lie to make YOU feel like you're in the wrong. They're very good at that.

 

I second that.

 

You can do this OOD. Worst case scenario he is cheating, and no matter what happens as a result of this, you must face it head on with courage. This is just the sh*itty cards we are dealt in life. What really matters most is how good we are at playing them. Just never reveal your hand until the end.

 

[outofdarkness]

Yep, he's good at making ME feel crazy...What we've been going thru w/ our son is a good example...I suspect that he's been conversing w/ the Doc's the few times that I've not been around....Just home to take a shower, etc...It's sick...

[a4a]

Yes, I tried to do a directory search on the address, and no name came up. I am by nature a "detective sort" so I will keep trying. I think it's most likely a condo complex and that is what is confusing the searches I've done. I plan to hit the road again tomorrow after taking our daughter to school and making sure our son is ok...I've got loads on my plate right now, and this is the LAST thing I needed. Either he's very sick or just plain mean...I thought he was sick, but now I'm beginning to wonder...

 

Do a tax search on the property. You should be able to locate the owners name at least. Of course it could be a leased property. Most county govt. now have tax info and payments available online.

[puddleofmud]

O my Gosh, you poor baby (not saying that to be condescending---I really mean it)!

I am just so sorry and also quite PO'd for you.

Do what you have to do to take care of yourself and have peace of mind and stay in touch.

Big BIG hugs to you!

[Jane Doe]

You need to develop a paper trail. Keep all the emails from the locator service and see if a pattern develops at that particular address. I know it's hell right now, but try to remain calm and gather all of your facts first. If he's indeed doing this to you again, I think you have your answer in regard to your future.

[dothawoman]

I've been on your side of the fence of the house and now i'm on the other. instead of chasing the OW he should be more supportive of you considering that you have a sick child. Is this a marriage that you want to stay in? if this is something that you have to think about chances are you really don't want to. If he's been doing this for 10 years now don't continue to go through with it. This haven't change and chances are they probably won't. You don't need the added stress in your life. It sounds like to me you have enough to deal with taking care of your son.

[BUTAFLY]

What makes you think he is cheating? Did you see his car? If he is cheating, and you catch him 'red handed', what will you do differently that you didn't do in the past 10yrs? will this change anything?

 

I feel investigation work and tracking a spouse down and all the energy you put into proving infidelity should have a purpose behind it. What will happen diffently this time?

 

PS you should post this in the infidelity room where people going through orwho went through the same thing can share their experience and give you contrustive support.

[outofdarkness]

What makes you think he is cheating? Did you see his car? If he is cheating, and you catch him 'red handed', what will you do differently that you didn't do in the past 10yrs? will this change anything?

 

I feel investigation work and tracking a spouse down and all the energy you put into proving infidelity should have a purpose behind it. What will happen diffently this time?

 

PS you should post this in the infidelity room where people going through orwho went through the same thing can share their experience and give you contrustive support.

I SAID in the beginning that I probrably should have posted it on the infidelity forum, but I have gotten better feedback on this one..I also said that he has a history of cheating, THAT is why I suspected that he might be up to something. I said that I was going to keep quiet and spend some time observing this time because this is totaly different from how I treated it D day 2 and 1/2 years ago...If nothing is going on, then I won't have put up a stink about it, but if something is, then I have the evidence and support that I need...Get it? If you don't want to read my thread, then don't read it. Why would you get so po'd about my thread? I am a person just like you are...We are all betrayed in some way shape or form when ever A's are involved, aren't we??? Why so bitter???

[lover's rock]

OOD, I didn't get a pissed off vibe from Butafly. I think that all of this is really having it's toll on you and wearing you down mentally. I really hope you are taking care of yourself.

 

I suppose the question posed is, if he is cheating, what are you going to do about it? (If you are going to do something about it)

 

I'll tell you one thing, you've already survived his other infidelities so this will be no different. You are a stronger woman now and nothing can beat you down, not even his stupidity.

 

Best of blessings, dear.

[outofdarkness]

I have a question for you all, or at least those that feel comfortable answering...How leery should the BS of the MM be about Valentine's Day? I have read and heard that it is a big day for MM who cheat...I never thought of this before, but I guess it makes sense. I never got more then a box of candy and a card and sometimes I had to remind him to get the kids something to give to me.

 

H had a trip planned for that exact day; on business, but I was honest and told him that I knew it was traditionaly a big day for OWs and MM. He rescheduled it. Now, he has informed me that he has something scheduled for the 12th and 13th of Feb...I also read to be leery for the days just before and prior to V day..The wierd thing about the first planned trip that he cancelled, is that he had it scheduled over a month ago...not his M O for a business trip. I don't ever see them scheduled for that far in advance.

 

I know you all are sick of me asking questions, but I could really use some input so that I play my cards right and stay one step ahead. I had my head stuck in the sand for too long. Now, I really want to stay informed.

 

Thanks in advance for any info...

[JamesM]

First, let me say that I have been following your thread. You have my sympathy...you seem to have gone thorugh this before with this man. I am guessing/hoping if this A is true that you will push him out the door....for your own sanity.

 

A couple of questions...

 

H had a trip planned for that exact day; on business, but I was honest and told him that I knew it was traditionaly a big day for OWs and MM. He rescheduled it. Now, he has informed me that he has something scheduled for the 12th and 13th of Feb...I also read to be leery for the days just before and prior to V day.

 

Does he know or suspect that you know something, or is this a remnant from past problems? Since he as another business trip planned, do you have any way of checking up on where he is...and if he is alone? Does he regularly call you?

 

How leery should the BS of the MM be about Valentine's Day? I have read and heard that it is a big day for MM who cheat.

 

I would think it is a big day for any love affairs. As we get married, we tend to slide by some of these days, and we expect less from them. But in new relationships full of that first thrill, Valentines Day is important. If he is in an affair, I am guessing that he told her something came up at home or he said business is keeping him home. The question is...will he take YOU out for Valentines Day? Maybe you can schedule something with him?

 

I know you all are sick of me asking questions, but I could really use some input so that I play my cards right and stay one step ahead. I had my head stuck in the sand for too long. Now, I really want to stay informed.

 

I am pretty certain that most people are not sick of you asking questions. If they are, they can choose to ignore this thread quite easily. Rather many of us are interested where this will lead. Will she find him in an affair? Will he confess? Or is he simply on business? Stay tuned. Seriously, I am concerned what happens to you. Please keep us informed. I am still wondering whose house that was.

[NearlyThere]

I have a question for you all, or at least those that feel comfortable answering...How leery should the BS of the MM be about Valentine's Day? I have read and heard that it is a big day for MM who cheat...I never thought of this before, but I guess it makes sense. I never got more then a box of candy and a card and sometimes I had to remind him to get the kids something to give to me.

 

H had a trip planned for that exact day; on business, but I was honest and told him that I knew it was traditionaly a big day for OWs and MM. He rescheduled it. Now, he has informed me that he has something scheduled for the 12th and 13th of Feb...I also read to be leery for the days just before and prior to V day..The wierd thing about the first planned trip that he cancelled, is that he had it scheduled over a month ago...not his M O for a business trip. I don't ever see them scheduled for that far in advance.

 

I know you all are sick of me asking questions, but I could really use some input so that I play my cards right and stay one step ahead. I had my head stuck in the sand for too long. Now, I really want to stay informed.

 

Thanks in advance for any info...

 

I will tell you what I think, but the trouble is that although all A's have the same purpose they are all conducted in a different manner.

 

If you read some threads on here, some people see the MM every day, some once a week, some less than that, some for long periods of time, so short.

 

So if I was you, in the lead up to V.Day, I would be trying to ascertain if there deviation from his normal schedule and if that then follows any routine. Maybe then you can pinpoint when he will be going for the visit. Obviously the person he is visiting my have some sort of schedule as well, unless the person does not work.

 

In my view, if he is cheating, and I gather from the posts on here that its not 100% yet for sure, you just know he did not fess up when he had the chance to say he was not in the office, that he is going to visit her with at least a card for sure, or he will get his a$$ whipped by her, (sorry if that upsets you). Like I said you just wont know when it is. He might also send her flowers or a gift via a shop or on-line, so maybe look carefully for receipts, make yourself familiar with on-line cookies, to see where he goes, check credit card receipts. Of course you could put a key logger on your PC. You could go the whole hog and get a PI to put a tracker on his car and see if his movements match.

 

Thats about my only suggestions I'm afraid. Dont know if its any help. Sorry if you have already thought about these things.

 

Good luck to you.

 

NT

[stillhere]

OOD, i never have a problem with any of your posts. You are more than welcome to ask questions like this, and i feel comfortable answering you.

 

Yes, i would be very leery. Especially since you said that it's not normal for him to schedule a business trip so far in advance.

 

How far away from home is he supposed to be travelling? Is there any way for you to accompany him? And as far as this cellphone locater, can you check where he is whenever you want, or is it only certain days or times? Sorry, i'm unfamiliar as to how it works!! I know there are GPS phones that they advertise for parents so they know where their children are at all times.

 

Keep a close eye on him, i really think he is up to no good once again. I'm so sorry that he's putting you through all this.

[NoIDidn't]

OOD,

 

I have a couple of questions for you.

 

Do you ever call his office? Or do the people in the office know you? Could you call and speak to his secretary or assistant and make something up about trying to surprise him with an early V-Day gift and lunch? If he is indeed going out on business, they will tell you that his schedule is full for those days (the 12th or 13th) as he will be out of town. You can claim that you forgot that he did mention that. This will only work if he has someone that keeps up with his schedule for him or if you have access to one of his close co-workers that would know.

 

This really sucks. I hope it is nothing, but those in LTAs tend to get used to the routine and don't get out of the A right away.

 

I can think of a couple of other ways to get at the truth about his "trip", but I will get back to you on that.

[outofdarkness]

Thanks all for the advice and kind words...I will answer all of your questions after he goes to bed tonight. He does NOT use the home computer anymore, as this is where much of his past activity was...He knows I have a keylogger on it, b/c I check on our children's activities on it...He finally figured it out after I had his work e mail password for a couple of months and found out about the now famous dinner/drinks w/ an attractive coworker night...I caught him lying about it. So, I have to be careful when I am on this site. He always askes me when he's here who I'm e mailing or what I'm doing. I had to put the comp in a space in our bathroom suite after D day b/c I was so freaked out knowing that he had done all of that stuff at home with our kids around.

 

I will write tonight if I have the right opportunity.