Babybird Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 A couple of notes before I start: My best friend has no computer and after hearing about this site wanted some opinions. *I am in no way, shape, or form trying to start a debate over abortion!* LIke I said my BF is 41 with 5 children and had been seeing a married man(with a wife of 15 years and 7 children) for a little over a year when she discovered she was pregnant. After a lot of thought she made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. MM agreed that it was the right thing to do and told her he would pay for half. The morning of her appt. he was supposed to drop off the money and never did. After arriving at the clinic she discovered that the procedure would cost $300 more than expected. She used an ATM machine and got the money that was supposed to pay her mortgage and paid for it. She called and left a voicemail telling him what happened. He never once called to check on her. She called him 2 days later. Jerk! Anyway This was about a month ago. Her mortgage fell behind and she can't seem to catch up with bills. She wants the money. She had to go out of town for a week and said if the money wasn't at her house she was going to mail the receipt for the abortion to his wife with a detailed letter of what's going on. I asked her if she told him his time was up and she said no. She called and left one more message before she left BUT left out the part about the receipt and letter. Can anyone else think of a better alternative? I feel sorry for MM wife. 7 kids on her own!! Ouch! That has been his excuse for not leaving. I actually believe that one!
quankanne Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 sounds like he feels she's completely responsible for the pregnancy and abortion, based on his behavior. If I were her, I'd chalk it up as a learning experience, because she's not going to see the money from him. Telling his wife is merely being vindictive ... unless she expects the wife to foot the bill? frankly, that should be a good indicator of what kind of rat-bastard she's been wasting her time with – he's doing whatever the hell he pleases at others' expense and will continue to do so unless she and the wife put their foot down. just my 2 cents
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I'm afraid your friend isn't ever going to see that money. Even if she tells the W - especially if she tells the W, all she will get out of that is 'thrown under the bus' and a restraining order put out against her, most likely.
tanbark813 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Can anyone else think of a better alternative? Don't f**k married guys. Just throwin' that out there.
norajane Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Perhaps she has something she can sell on eBay? Yard sale? Part time job? Are there any household expenses she can defer until she catches up on the mortgage? Basically, she needs to start looking at her financial situation from the standpoint that he isn't going to come through with the money.
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I hate to say this........But since you're her bestfriend, why not lend her some money? Or if you can't, maybe she has family who can help. Even a bank loan......
Romeo Must Die Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 If it were me, I would borrow money from my parents, or take a part time job bartending for cash tips. I wouldnt risk losing my house over that POS. As for the money, the way things look I dont expect he would ever pay for this procedure. The honorable thing would have been to be there for her and to pay for the abortion. This speaks volumes of his character. It pretty much answers all the questions. Funny he wasnt so hard to be reached when he wanted to get laid. (No offense towards your friend I mean that towards him) but if he isnt answering her calls, its no error. He is blowing her off. I'm really sorry to hear about your friend, BB. Its a traumatic, difficult procedure and this will just add to her misery. Her MM is a cad. I dont think telling the wife is the right thing to do under the usual circumstances of outing the affair, but a baby though? That kinda changes things. I would definately want to know that about my husband. I do think it should be done without asking for the money so it doesnt look like she is an extortionist if they sought to persue it in court. Who knows what they would do to make her look bad. At least your friend had enough resepect for herself not to put herself through raising a MM baby on her own and creating more financial hardships for herself later, but oh boy, this is tough. As one woman to another, the guilt must be killing her about the baby, huh? Please reassure her she did the right thing. Having babies at that age is dangerous, high risk and she could have easily had a downs child due to her age and then what would she have done then. At least this affair can be over and done with right now. No reminders or more problems.
Author Babybird Posted January 26, 2007 Author Posted January 26, 2007 Thanks for all of the advice and opinions. I read the responses to her and she is going to try and dig up some stuff to sell on e-bay. Good idea! I don't have the money to lend her and she has borrowed so much from her parents they were going to be the absolute last resort. She's praying she gets her W-2 so her taxes will come before her credit is totally screwed. She did decided against telling the wife. She said that he did enough damage to her life and she wouldn't want to destroy the lives of his children. I think she has finally calmed down. This has been extremely hard for her. She has tremendous guilt not only for the baby but for having the affair to begin with. She has five children, would've had six but she lost a twin when the baby was 3 weeks old. She didn't want to raise another one completely on her own and with absolutely no involvement from the father. She is in the stage where she wants to kick her own a$$. She has decided to begin again...without a man in her life and figure out why she keeps looking at either scumbags or married men.
puddleofmud Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 I am sending your and your friend my warmest regards and Prayers for her quick healing, and stead-fast recovery (financially and emotionally). Bless you for being there for her and so very sorry for her loss.
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