Guest Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I have driven my friends crazy about this, I think that despite all the support they have given me, I need an outside point of view. I would really appreciate any comments or even just that little nudge of encouragement. I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year on and off, but have known him as a friend for 4 years. I am 24 and he is 25. We used to "mess about" a bit throughout those 4 years, but he used to sleep around a lot and I never considered him boyfriend material until a year ago when he seemed to have grown up a lot and was ready to commit and settle down. Well the last year has been very up and down. We live about an hour away, (which isn't really that far when you hear about people living in different countries!), but we don't see each other very often anymore so it feels like we are thousands of miles apart. I am stuck in a break up-make up cycle with him. We must have broken up 6+ times in the last year. When we first got together or when we get back together after a break up, he is perfect, giving me lots of attention and complements and just generally seeming to care and can't get enough of me, but after a few months, sometimes weeks, it dwindles. I would be lucky to get one night a week with him. I feel unwanted and unappreciated and end up leaving him to avoid getting hurt. He turns on the charm and we get back together. He would be beyond perfect again for a month....then the whole cycle starts again. The last time we broke up, I was so happy and moving on with my life, then he got in contact after 3 weeks as his relative had died and he had realised how short life was etc. He showed me diaries he had written about his feelings for me and discussed us living together. I was convinced and I even offered to move to his area, yet now only 2 months later, he is more concerned about buying a place of his own and having his brother as a lodger. I am insecure anyway because of the distance and his previous playboy lifestyle so that was a huge blow. I try to see things from his point of view and give him space, but it has got to the stage where we no longer text or email - i stopped because he never replied and it was making me feel bad. We never see each other on weekends anymore either because he wants to watch sport all weekend and I don't want to sit there like a lemon when i have my own stuff to do! So as it stands, we speak on the phone for 2 minutes every night (like friends, no romantic stuff) and I see him one weeknight a week, if he can be bothered to! When we do see each other he never wants to go out or do anything fun. I can see this is bad, I have tried talking to him, as from my point of view it looks like he isn't interested, yet when i bring it up, he says i am blowing things out of proportion and lists nice things he has done for me. I want a boyfriend i can text, love and spoil but at the moment am alternating between giving him a taste of his own medicine by making him low priority and being overly nice to set a good example - exhausting! Deep down I know I don't want to spend forever with this man. I am just scared of making the break and getting hurt and regretting AGAIN - what if we are sposed to be together? When we break up I miss the nice things he does - he can be so sweet. I am worried this is my fault, he has called me high maintainace in the past. I guess I just want someone to agree with me that he is being an idiot and that I deserve better cos right now he has squished my self esteem and made me think that his behaviour is normal. I am a well educated, sensible girl, so why do I let him treat me like this? Do other people behave like this?!
ShoeGirl Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Deep down I know I don't want to spend forever with this man. I am just scared of making the break and getting hurt and regretting AGAIN - what if we are sposed to be together? When we break up I miss the nice things he does - he can be so sweet. I am worried this is my fault, he has called me high maintainace in the past. I guess I just want someone to agree with me that he is being an idiot and that I deserve better cos right now he has squished my self esteem and made me think that his behaviour is normal. You acknowledge that you deserve better than him and that you know you won't be with him forever, so start looking for the guy that you can see yourself with forever. If you are dating him now break up with him and start no contact, if you are not dating right now then don't answer his calls/texts when he starts trying to get a hold of you. If you start answering his calls again you are just continuing the cycle.
Guest Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 You acknowledge that you deserve better than him and that you know you won't be with him forever, so start looking for the guy that you can see yourself with forever. If you are dating him now break up with him and start no contact, if you are not dating right now then don't answer his calls/texts when he starts trying to get a hold of you. If you start answering his calls again you are just continuing the cycle. sorry for jumping on random posts here i am trying to response to you in here and pof - i can't keep up and i really laughed at the name 'don't perv on me' - i never perv - i tease ya. do u think i want to cross into the perv zone in yer mind again? no way. i am battling the image of perv, abuser, betrayer, lair, etc. like i want u to think of me that way - that's been extremely painful for me - never going there again. and i will express myself and my wants and desires in a way that is honest and playful - if u see it as pervy - that is yer issue not mine but we can work together to unpervyify the images of perv u have roaming around in there. i can't wait to see u though and to be honest the notion of just falling asleep with u, snugged as we did, is like a dream - that would be delishhhhhhhh
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