tui1987 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I'm gonna try and make a long story short... Me and my bf went out for his birthday 2 saturdays ago...his ex who i will call jon (who he is still friends with) came along and so did his cousing (jan)..the night went on...and jon was flirting way too much with my bf as far as i was concerned. i text jan telling her i feel really uncomortable at the mo and that i wanted to knock jon out. whici i admit i shouldn't have said but i was getting annoyed. she agreed with me that jon was all over him...so i spoke to my bf about it when we were alone and he told me that i was right, jon was flirting too much and it's not fair on me. turns out that jon is generally very flirtatious and does it with everyone. so i got over it in a heartbeat. anyway the next day my bf's housemate (jim) wanted me to get out of the house and go home. he thinks i was insensitive and wrong to have text jan instead of going straight to my bf. it was his night and he was having a good night...i didn't want to ruin it..plus he was drunk and when he's drunk it's hard to explain thigs to the guy cos he doesn't listen.. anyway...my bf went to work and then came home saying that it's over between us. he said this because number one he can't bare the atmosphere between me and his housemate. number two he thinks that i'm always going to be jealous whenever jon is around and he doesn't want the trouble. i kept saying to him that it was my first time out with jon being there and i never knew what he was like. i never liked wot i saw and i explained that to him..but now i know i'm not going to stress myself out and go thru the whole jealousy thing again...especially if it causes the problems it causes. but he wasn't having it..he's made his bed and now he has to lie in it. the next day i was in his house on my own and i was getting ready to go home. i wrote him a note from the heart telling him how much i'm going to miss him etc...and he emailed me sayingthank you for the note it meant a lot and he will always keep it with him. then he told me he still loves me and always will..and that he feels really bad about it and just wants to cry and who knows what will happen in the future... so my question is, why is he putting himself and me through all this pain...all i've done for the past week is cry...i've not eaten properly, i can't sleep without dreaming about him..i'm distraught. i was doing the whole NC thing as well...then he text me at 2 this morning to tell me that his friend has gone in hospital...i didn't know what to say..i told him i was sorry and that i'm here if he needs to talk or needs to help..but why did he contact me...he's got plenty of other really close friends he could have told.... and i want him back so badly...one minute it's over, next minute he's finding it so hard and he didn't wanna loose me..i don't understand.. ive got myself crying again now just thinking about it!! thoughts please..
RocketMan2 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Hey there, sorry to hear about your situation Firstly you need to stop trying to understand it. Love is emotional and can't be explained with any logic. The reasons will become apparent with time, so try and be happy knowing that you will probably understand at some point, just not right away. Accept this. It sounds to me like hes confused as to what he wants, and is keeping you hanging around while he decides. You need to show him that you deserve better treatment than that. Stop all contact with him to give youself time to come to terms with your emotions and feelings. Its so hard, but it really does pay off in the end. Dont get caught up on the things he said, people easily say things which they dont mean, or end up not meaning. I spent a lot of time (and i still do) wondering why she did this to me when she looked me in the eye and said she still loved me. Who knows? I just try not to think about it. The sooner you stop yourself thinking it the better. Give youself a certain amount of time each day to have a good cry about it, let it out, dont try and contain it. However once your times up you need to buckle up and get on with something else. NC will also give you time to work on yourself. By that I mean get to know yourself a bit better, spend some time understanding your emotions. If he comes running back now, you'd accept right away yeah? Silly mistake if you ask me. Your judgement is too clouded with the emotion of the loss. What might be a good idea is to have a think about what he means to you as a boyfriend. Is his flirting REALLY flirting? My gf was SUPER jealous of my female friend, who is just a friend, we just get on really well. If i said hello to her my ex would go bright red with anger. Over the top i know, im not saying youre like that, but just suggesting you review your opinions with a clear mind, because people can be mistaken. I tried to comfort my exs jealousy and reassure her, but after a while its just pointless and you give up. Thats when i started snapping at her about it, which probably drove her away. Maybe the same things happening to you? If you think he was flirting in front of you, then what does that say about him? Really? I wouldn't stand for that. In fact that reminds me, thats another thing my ex did to me! Thats another reason to hate her added to the list, nice one! A good way to deal with the pain is to write down all their bad points. Dont just think it, write it down in lots of detail. Post it here, it will make you feel better trust me. Keep us updated Rocket
Speedo Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 It sounds odd that he would break up with you over a text message. Are you sure there's nothing more to your story? Have you been bugging him about "jon" more than you're telling us? If all you did was send a text about your concerns of his ex hitting on him (which is a completely understandable concern I might add), and he broke up with you than surely he's been looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. When someone wants to get out of a relationship they will look for a reason to get out. When the opportunity comes they will go for it. His roommate being upset at you and your text is a sorry excuse to break up with you. Like I said, either we don't know the whole story, or he was wanting out for awhile. I know this is tough to hear, but you're on the right track with the NC. Is there any evidence that maybe he is still interested in "jon?"
Author tui1987 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 i haven't nagged him about it at all....i admit i did say that i wanted to knock "jon" out and kill him and i did say i'm giving up but i was angry...simple...apparently my texts were said with such conviction that they must have been true...anything i said or did that night was said purely out of love...i'm still in love with that guy and always will be...not sure if he is still interested in "jon"...all i know is that they went out with eachother and they have a history...he told me that they'll never get back together and "jon" has accepted that...but i'm not sure he has... maybe i am being clouded by my emotions but i would do anything for that guy...i've wondered if he was looking for an excuse, but he made so many commitments to me...he was even looking for jobs in london so he could be closer to me... Rocket, i don't get angry at him for chatting to his friends..they're his friends...simple as that..we've all got friends...doesn't even bother me that he's friends with his ex...it's the way his ex was acting on the night and the fact that my bf and his cousin both agreed with me says something i think and i want him back so bad...no one can replace him
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