The Lost Boy Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 ok, this is my first time here, please bear with me. thanks. I knew this girl from my course, we're basically in the same class. she's 3 years older than me, a widow with 2 kids, and has cancer (so she says). we got really close for about a few months and got together formally on january 2006. to cut things short, in october she dumped me. guess it was my fault really. she told me once during our time together that she can't be shouted at (because of all the physical and sexual abuse her ex-husband did to her), and on that certain day I got really pissed at her and said not too good things to her through sms. that was the first time I really threw potty mouth talk to her, but it was not the first time I shouted at her. on that day she smsed me and called it quits, coz she can't stand all the pressure. I told her that I was sorry many times, I even begged her for forgiveness and that she'd give "us" a try and me a second chance. but turns out that my begging made things worse. (the begging took place a few days after the breakup in front of some of our course mates). she told me to bug off and to never talk to her again, she said she hated me. I am really sorry for my actions, and I really care for her. i stood by her through all her painful times (though not physically there, but through phonecalls and smses), her sad times. I was there for her when nobody seemed to care about her, I believed her even when people seemed not to, I was there when her friends left her. I love her so much and I still care for her. it has been about 4 months since that day, and I still feel the pain everytime I see her in classes. I thought that I could get over it all but seems like I can't (yet?). I tried thinking bad thoughts about her; that she just used me when she had nobody else, and now that she's surrounded with her friends again I'm just yesterday's garbage; maybe she had someone else before we broke up, and that she was cheating me; etc. but I didn't want to do that, that's just wrong. the result, I'm still here, wondering whether I can have a second chance. I didn't contact her much after she told me off, but she would sometimes sms me asking for course related stuff, and i did sms her wishing her happy birthday. and things seems like she got over me and just treated me like another campus person. she didn't wear her "good luck" necklace that I gave her anymore, instead she wears different jewelries. These past weeks I have been asking the same questions again and again: does she think about me? does she miss me at times? do I have a chance in getting he back? has she forgotten our past? the happy times we had together? can one mistake really erase all those good from our past relationship? was my action really that bad? well it was bad, but was it really THAT bad? and the most important one: does she have another guy? (she did tell me back when we were still together taht she would not see another guy if we ever broke up). these things I want to know but cant seem to find the answers. and although I know it's not right to contact her again, I have that great urge to do so. To all the people out there, please help me. I feel like I can't get on with my days anymore, better somebody shoot me in the head right now... advice please.... thank you P.S.: me and her are of different race and religion. from where I come from, parents are still very sensitive about their kids dating others with a different background. the other reason why me and her can't meet up so much. Oh and I'm sorry if my typing is not too good, this is my first entering a forum.
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