rose45 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Hi,(decided to post this question in this area as well) I have been together with my b/f for about 2 years. I know you are supposed to trust but i feel its hard depending on the environment your s/0 is in..wouldnt you feel a little something if they were going to mexico for a week without you for spring break or something? Here is my situation My b/f rides a motorcycle and he likes going on a bike trip every year to places like myrtle beach where they have a rally..Its with a bunch of guys and usually some of the wives fly down...He says i dont belong on the back of a bike going cross country which i understand..And he also says he isnt going to spend an extra $1000 for me to come just so i am there to know what is going on. He really just doesnt want me to come on this thing..he wants it to be his own or something(from the view i am getting) He was saying--well then you are gonna have to fly back home and get back from the airport etc etc etc. Anyway--i feel these places are for people to hook up and not just look at the bikes or to ride. I feel insecure about it. Of course i tell him these things and he says things to reassure me and says i know what i am going there for..For anyone reading this post--if you look online and type in pictures of bike rallys for sturgis or daytona or myrtle beach--you will eventually come across these very hot women who work there and also women who walk around in bikini tops etc etc and pretty much close to nothing..and i can't imagine what the bars are like at night..there are pics of women topless as well. I am sure--this is not ALL he sees but i am sure it will be a lot and i can't help but just feel uneasy about it. Is this the type of an environment he should be going in? I hope someone does look up these pictures and tell me what they think. Alot of older people do seem to go(my b/f is 29) and some of the women looked wahsed up and some look like they are there to hook up. He says he isnt going to not go and he will go one these every year until he sells it. Please help with your own words and thoughts on the matter. I hope some respond who have been to these things or know or who looked up the pictures. Thanks. Also if you arent offended by nudity--i looked up some photos of this place and here are some DISGUSTING pics: [COLOR=#810081]BuffaloChip, Sturgis Rally[/COLOR] [COLOR=#810081]Misc Events -[/COLOR] I dont know what the hell to do..i wanna demand that i go along but i know i cant take that route
Limerent Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I dont know what the hell to do..i wanna demand that i go along but i know i cant take that route Hi Rose, Have you decided what you were going to do about your situation?
Author rose45 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Posted January 29, 2007 i havent brought it up yet..didnt wanna ruin the weekend or anything..i think i will have to bring it up sometime this week..tempted to do it on phone rather than in person.
Mz. Pixie Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Has he ever given you any reason not to trust him????
Author rose45 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Posted January 29, 2007 well i mean...if you think about it..you can always some sort of reason not to trust someone..like he didnt answer his phone..and the next day he said he fell asleep early or he didnt call back for an hour, what was he up to..its hard to look at things like that and say do i have a reason not to trust him b/c you can always look at certain things as suspicious. Its just with this..i dont know what i should do or when i should bring it up.
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 He's already told you he is going, and will be going each year as long as he owns the bike. He's already told you that you aren't going. I don't really see a compromise, unless you were to pay your own way and fly out to be with him. After looking at those pictures, I can totally understand why you'd have misgivings. However, he's not going to budge on this, so your only option is to decide if you can live with it, or not. How is the rest of your relationship? Does he make you feel like a million bucks all the time, and that you are special and important to him? Is it worth it to you to swallow your apprehension and anger in order to stay with him? Do you believe he's going to hook up with someone there? Do you believe he's only going for the bikes and really doesn't care about the naked women? For example, is he more into his machine than porn? Personally, I'd show him those websites and tell him that I wanted to go with him, at least this one time, just to see how these rallys are for myself, because from those sites, it looks like a drunken stripper fest and not a bike rally. Put your foot down, pay for it yourself, and see what's what. If he absolutely refuses, I don't know. You can tell him he needs to make this up to you with some major ass-kissing, and then go off on your own sunny vacation with your friends. And maybe let him know that you won't be having sex with him until he gets an STD test when he gets back. Or you can tell him he can go without you, but you don't want him back afterwards. It's your call.
Author rose45 Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 norajane, do you think threatening a b/f is the best solution? I know many guys where if you said..you arent sleeping me again until you get a test or if you go i may not want you back afterwards--they would not be back anyway simply b/c of the way you went about this.
scubafish Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 rose- from one lady who as actually been to these rallys, I can tell you, don't go if your only reason is to keep an eye on b/f. yes, there are wild women, yes there is nudity. no, I have never seen public orgies, although they may happen. there is alot of beer and testosterone, and I'm sure the women in these pictures are not out to seduce your b/f. they just like the attention. unless your b/f has given you reason not to trust him, let him go and enjoy the guy bonding. he will probably appreciate you all the more for trusting him. if you go, and are the type that can't stand him looking even, you are probably going to end up fighting. it just can't be helped. these women are just brazen. and guys can't help but look, doesn't mean he wants it though, remember that. I have been around alot of good guys at these rallys, who are there without the wife. they may have enjoyed getting an eyeful, but none of them ever chased the women. I didn't see how old you or b/f are, but it seems that the more mature guys at the rallys, who are not 'bikers' full time, tend to just be there for drinking and bull****ting, and looking at bikes, and pointing out bare breasts to each other. that is about as far as it goes. also, most of these guys are so drunk at the end of the night, they can hardly talk straight, much less hook up with someone! I am sure it does happen, and I have heard stories about the bikers clubs and their parties, but those are usually closed off. does he belong to some special club?
scubafish Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I don't really see a compromise, unless you were to pay your own way and fly out to be with him. Personally, I'd show him those websites and tell him that I wanted to go with him, at least this one time, just to see how these rallys are for myself, because from those sites, it looks like a drunken stripper fest and not a bike rally. Put your foot down, pay for it yourself, and see what's what. this is a great idea- if he cares for your feelings, he will understand why you are upset. are there any of his friends wives you can talk to? I have been to some smaller rallys, not sturgis.
norajane Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 norajane, do you think threatening a b/f is the best solution? I know many guys where if you said..you arent sleeping me again until you get a test or if you go i may not want you back afterwards--they would not be back anyway simply b/c of the way you went about this. If a guy won't get tested if I ask him to, then I guess I wouldn't care if he walked away. If I were concerned about who he had been with, I wouldn't have sex with him until he had a clean bill of health. You don't have to be bitchy about the request, but it's your health at stake. You could merely ask him if he'd be willing to get tested when he gets back. You don't have to say you won't have sex with him until he gets tested, but, again, it's your health at stake. Do you really want to have sex with him if you didn't know what skank he'd been doing lately? He's not giving you any room to compromise here. If he won't compromise with you, how can you compromise with him?
Author rose45 Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Norajane, i agree with some things you say..but a b/f can cheat at anytime..does that mean i am gonna request he get tested every week just to make sure he is ok? A couple of weeks ago he said in an annoyed tone if you really want to go, then pay to fly down..hopefully if he said that he meant it and i will be able to go..i havent mentioned this to him as of yet.
norajane Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Norajane, i agree with some things you say..but a b/f can cheat at anytime..does that mean i am gonna request he get tested every week just to make sure he is ok? A couple of weeks ago he said in an annoyed tone if you really want to go, then pay to fly down..hopefully if he said that he meant it and i will be able to go..i havent mentioned this to him as of yet. Of course he can cheat anytime. Do you trust him not to cheat other times? If so, then why wouldn't you trust him at the rally? If you don't trust him at the rally, then why do you trust him any other time? There are drunk girls in every bar. It comes down to trust. You don't trust him not to do anything with a woman at this rally. If that's the case, then yeah, I would think you'd worry about STD's. I'm not saying you need to make this test the main focus of your conversation. I threw that out there as one thing to mention. But you ARE saying you don't trust him, so why wouldn't you think about him getting tested?
Author rose45 Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 i dont think this 100% has to do with trust and is he gonna hook up with someone..i think its more along the lines that if you are going to an event where there this kind of thing takes place not for one night out but the whole week--your g.f should be invited.
Limerent Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 if you are going to an event where there this kind of thing takes place not for one night out but the whole week--your g.f should be invited. Yes, but the fact still remains that you didnt get invited. Again, I would like to restate something I have said before: Why would you ever want to go when he doesnt want you there?! Wouldnt you feel humiliated? Because you know that the only reason he would finally accept you going is out of sheer obligation and because you were chaffing his nerves raw... Rose, what do you think you are missing out on? You have stated before that this is not your cup of tea. You cant all of a sudden pull a 360 and feign interest in this event without him feeling as if this is just another thing you can control him with, as usual. I would like to point out, that perhaps if you had simply picked and chosed your battles throughout the relationship, instead of bearing down on him like a crazed entitiled harpy every time you wanted your way, he might have backed down happily on this issue, and actually asked you to come along. Your entire post smacks of desperation. I am sure you cant possibly feel comfortable living and feeling this way. While I do agree, those pictures are a bit daunting and would definately raise the hairs on my head, if I trusted that he wasnt going to screw anyone down there, I would take advantage of the free time without him to regroup and take time out for myself. Just answer this one question...And you can use any other excuse except for "if you are going to an event where there this kind of thing takes place not for one night out but the whole week--your g.f should be invited" Why do you really want to go? What do you possibly hope to gain from this trip that doesnt even interest you in the first place? Because if its this reason, and only this reason, then perhaps you need to rethink your place in this relationship. You being his GF doesnt give you the sole property rights over his mind and body. People dont like to be controlled. They like it even less when it is coming from someone that they expect better from- like their GF. And no, I dont think you should be a pushy mean broad and threaten him! What kind of immature nonsense is that?! If you spent more time figuring out how to live more harmoniously rather than how to threaten him into submitting to your wants and needs, you wouldnt be in this mess right now. You would already know how to get what you BOTH want. Remember that for the next time, if there is a next time. Now, you mentioned you have been with him for 2 years. You said that this rally takes place once a year. What did you do last year when he went, or did he not go? I do believe you should talk to him in person about this. Subtle nuances are not caught over the phone quite as easily. Dont be a coward. Face to face.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Hi,(decided to post this question in this area as well) I have been together with my b/f for about 2 years. I know you are supposed to trust but i feel its hard depending on the environment your s/0 is in..wouldnt you feel a little something if they were going to mexico for a week without you for spring break or something? Here is my situation My b/f rides a motorcycle and he likes going on a bike trip every year to places like myrtle beach where they have a rally..Its with a bunch of guys and usually some of the wives fly down...He says i dont belong on the back of a bike going cross country which i understand You shouldn't understand. thats a line if I ever heard it. He doesn't want you to go for obvious reasons. And he is going to spring break? ok...you do know what goes on at spring break right?...they aint baking cookies down there. ..And he also says he isnt going to spend an extra $1000 for me to come just so i am there to know what is going on. Wow..he sounds like a real @$$hole. You are not worth his time or money...thats what he is telling you. He really just doesnt want me to come on this thing..he wants it to be his own or something(from the view i am getting) He was saying--well then you are gonna have to fly back home and get back from the airport etc etc etc. Anyway--i feel these places are for people to hook up and not just look at the bikes or to ride. I feel insecure about it. Don't kid yourself or let him downplay it. Its more than just that. Its about as bad as Mardi Gras or spring break. Of course i tell him these things and he says things to reassure me and says i know what i am going there for..For anyone reading this post--if you look online and type in pictures of bike rallys for sturgis or daytona or myrtle beach--you will eventually come across these very hot women who work there and also women who walk around in bikini tops etc etc and pretty much close to nothing..and i can't imagine what the bars are like at night..there are pics of women topless as well. I am sure--this is not ALL he sees but i am sure it will be a lot and i can't help but just feel uneasy about it. Is this the type of an environment he should be going in? Sure...if he is single. Anyone with half a brain here knows why he wants to go and wants to go without you. Sounds like you need to ditch this boyfriend of yours. He is not trustworthy. My gut feeling tells me he cheats when down there. But aside from that, this "man" obviously does not care about you or value you in anyway. So let him go....don't be there when he gets back. Find yourself a good man...cuz this one surely is nothing of the sort.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Has he ever given you any reason not to trust him???? Sure he has...he is going to events like Daytona and doesn't want her to go with. That is reason enough.
Author rose45 Posted January 31, 2007 Author Posted January 31, 2007 Salicious Crumb, from this post you think he is untrustworthy and cheats down there? Have you been to these rallies?
Salicious Crumb Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Salicious Crumb, from this post you think he is untrustworthy and cheats down there? Have you been to these rallies? No I haven't, but a guy at work goes all the time and I hear an earfull about what goes on down there. Those pics you posted are just the tip of the iceberg. Fact is, he doesn't want you there....wonder why? A guys trip is a guys trip...like fishing or camping....but a whole week at a bike show where things like that go on...come on. Anyone can see that someone who doesn't want their SO to go is doing it so they can be free to do whatever they want with whomever they want. And the way you describe his explanation about not wanting you to go just shows that he thinks you are a nag. But that is just an excuse...of course he won't tell you the real reason...so he can get jiggy with those women who want to parade around with no clothes on.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Yes, but the fact still remains that you didnt get invited. Again, I would like to restate something I have said before: Why would you ever want to go when he doesnt want you there?! Wouldnt you feel humiliated? Because you know that the only reason he would finally accept you going is out of sheer obligation and because you were chaffing his nerves raw... Rose, what do you think you are missing out on? You have stated before that this is not your cup of tea. You cant all of a sudden pull a 360 and feign interest in this event without him feeling as if this is just another thing you can control him with, as usual. That is irrelevant...the real question is, what is the REAL reason her bf doesn't want her there? I would like to point out, that perhaps if you had simply picked and chosed your battles throughout the relationship, instead of bearing down on him like a crazed entitiled harpy every time you wanted your way, he might have backed down happily on this issue, and actually asked you to come along. Where in the hell did that come from? What has she said that gives you the idea that she is a "crazed entitled harpy"?? Or are you the type that likes to go places and absolutely does not want your SO anywhere in sight too? Your entire post smacks of desperation. I am sure you cant possibly feel comfortable living and feeling this way. With a guy that doesn't want her around him...you bet she can't be comfortable with that. Thats why she needs to dump his sorry @$$. While I do agree, those pictures are a bit daunting and would definately raise the hairs on my head, if I trusted that he wasnt going to screw anyone down there, I would take advantage of the free time without him to regroup and take time out for myself. That might, and its a slim might, be the case if your SO didn't so adamantly insist that you don't go with. But her "man", just is obsessed with her not being there. Why do you think that is? Because its not her "cup of tea"?...please. Just answer this one question...And you can use any other excuse except for "if you are going to an event where there this kind of thing takes place not for one night out but the whole week--your g.f should be invited" Why do you really want to go? What do you possibly hope to gain from this trip that doesnt even interest you in the first place? Maybe she doesn't want to go, but she wants to see his reaction to her asking....and boy did she sure get it...he doesn't want her there....insulted her by saying she isn't worth spending the money to go...etc. Because if its this reason, and only this reason, then perhaps you need to rethink your place in this relationship. You being his GF doesnt give you the sole property rights over his mind and body. People dont like to be controlled. They like it even less when it is coming from someone that they expect better from- like their GF. Exactly right, and they especially don't like being controlled when they are out cheating and doing things they shouldn't do while in a committed relationship. So yes, she needs to rethink her relationship, you are correct there, but not because she has a problem...her man does. And no, I dont think you should be a pushy mean broad and threaten him! What kind of immature nonsense is that?! If you spent more time figuring out how to live more harmoniously rather than how to threaten him into submitting to your wants and needs, you wouldnt be in this mess right now. No, they wouldn't be in this mess right now because it is CLEAR that her bf doesn't value her or want her getting in the way of his heathenistic bike week at Daytona, or whereever. They are in this mess cuz he is a jerk. You would already know how to get what you BOTH want. Remember that for the next time, if there is a next time. I hope there is not a next time. I hope she leaves his sorry @$$ and finds a good man who will value her and not act like she is a burden.
Author rose45 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Posted February 1, 2007 Salicious Crumb, while i agree with some things you say BUT you sound very negative. You automatically think a guy is going to go down there just to cheat and thats his plan? Wouldn he be cheating here as well?
Salicious Crumb Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Salicious Crumb, while i agree with some things you say BUT you sound very negative. You automatically think a guy is going to go down there just to cheat and thats his plan? Wouldn he be cheating here as well? No I don't automatically think that they go down there to cheat. But your situation is different....he doesn't want you there for obvious reasons..its almost as if you are a burden to him. You make it sound like he is angry that you want to go...like you will ruin his fun. And why would he cheat here as opposed to there? In close proximity to you he has a good chance of getting caught....when he is several states away from you it is not the case.
Joe's search Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 i would never go on a vacation without my gf and when we first started dating we both went together and got tested - that's the way to go. people need to understand that's important to reassure each other - there is nothing my gal and i wouldn't do together we did the testing we go to conselling we do everything and still enjoy our individuality pretty sweet an delicous eh
Author rose45 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Posted February 1, 2007 salicious crumb people can cheat anywhere and not get caught..i know a guy who cheated on his g/f and she lived like 2 blocks away!! and she never found out..i can be cheating on my b/f this second and chances are--he isnt going to find out.
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