Streetspirit Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 god... this nc stuff.. in theory it sounds great and everything, but actually doing it sucks. How long does it take before the ex gets out of your head?! It seems like whenever i see her, i'm getting my "fix". It seems pretty unhealthy to feel like I'm addicted to someone, but does anyone else feel the resemblance? It does give me a chance to focus on myself.. but the emotions man.. they're so hard to deal with. I've never felt so much before in my life. The longest I've been without seeing her is about a week.. she's seeing someone else now, and knowing that when I see her eats me up inside. Of course, I'll never admit that to her but still. I've been trying to do the no contact thing without saying anything about it.. and I usually last about this long until she calls and talks me into doing something with her. When I do, she's extremely flirty and touchy-feely and shes trying to play games with me. That's my biggest motivation for NC because I'm sick of it. It's not fair to me or the other guy.
Slooop Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I know it's difficult but you have to force yourself into true no contact. No calling, receiving calls, receiving emails, passing messages through your friends to her, no contact of any kind. Only then can you start the arduous process of healing yourself. Right now you're ripping the scab off the open wound every time you see her. It seems terrifying to think of not being with her. It's violently mind thrashing, but know that you have the strength within you to be without her because you DO. A helpful method I used was to just breathe and focus on breathing everytime the emotions started to become unbearable. Just focus on the word 'BREATHE', one breath at a time and let all other emotions melt out of your mind. Rinse and repeat. I think most of us here will agree that the first 2 weeks of NC are the hardest. I also made NC a game/challenge to myself. I tried getting through hour one, then hour two, then day one. I would wake up everyday and tell myself, "Ok, it's been 11 days...it's been 12 days....it's been 36 days". Every successive day I made it to was a victory that gave me strength to make it to the next day. It's now been nearly 9 months of NC. You're mind is going to play every trick in the book on you to get you to weaken your resolve and to go back to her. You have to know that going back to her will not help you in any way. There are hundreds of posts on this board that will attest to that. Do not let yourself wallow in the quicksand of denial. It is only through keeping a steadfast resolve of NC that you will slowly but definitely begin to heal. When you feel your resolve begin to weaken, take stock of how long it has been since you last contacted her and how you don't want to slide all the way back down the chute to square one, (like the Chutes and Ladders analogy?) There will be up days and down days, even up seconds and down seconds. Surround yourself with a good support structure and post here when you need a helping hand, we're all here to listen and help. We've been there. And, if you haven't already, I suggest you read this post, a good start for the dusty heartbreak recovery road........ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ Good luck on the road ahead, we're here for you.
JCD Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 It might be 6 to 12 months or more before you start to feel like your old self again. I guess the hardest thing is to come to realization that what you once had is really gone. From then on it's really easy as you made peace with your feelings and are ready to move on.
Author Streetspirit Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 Once again, I'm amazed at how great advice here is. You guys are right. I know this change is for the better, I do realize that, it's just very difficult to let go. It's a big change in life.. a huge one. Being without her is a path I thought I'd never be going down. When I posted this, She had called me so she could get the few remaining items she had left here. Now she has no excuse whatsoever to contact me again. I didnt say a word to her the whole time, I was just going through one of those down moments after seeing her. Man, I have an eerie feeling that once enough time passes, she'll come crawling back. Right now, I don't want her to, and I do hope it stays that way. With enough time getting back on my feet, I know it will. I have been more than willing to work through problems with her.. that's all I wanted, but nothing I could say would change her mind. She's seeing someone else now, but still tries to play games /w me. I don't ever want to be someone's second choice. whooo good to get all that out. Thanks for listening!
Author Streetspirit Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 I've got a date tonight.. I'm pretty excited about it. This girl is just getting out of a big relationship like mine too, and she was in pretty much in the same situation I was in. she's very awesome, I've got a pretty big crush on her so its weird. I feel like I'm in 8th grade or something haha. I've totally forgotten how to be smooth and I know I'll probably screw it up, but oh well haha
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