Davis Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Hey everyone. I thought I would go through some of the red flags or signs that I saw that should have told me she lost interest or wasn't that into me from the beginning. 1. Disinterest. They are not interested in your work, your life or family. They talk about everything except things with any depth or meaning. They don't really ask in depth questions about you, your future, what you want in life. They only help you as a means to make themselves feel good, not really because they really care about you. 2. Family / Kids. They are hesitant or make excuses not too meet your family or for you to meet theirs. Why? Because they don't see a future with you. They make excuses why you should not meet their kids. I agree kids should not be involved right away. But when after months when you can't even be introduced as a friend, I think it's trouble. 3. Lying. They lie to you and you know it. In my case, my ex would "act dumb" and have a blank look on her face when I called her on the carpet about something. The other way she lied was exaggerating. I always knew she was full of sh*t when she had a long story or explanation. ALWAYS trust your intuition! 4. Focus on sex. In retrospect, my relationship with my ex was mostly about sex even though we got along well and had fun other times. I thought we had a good relationship. Her text messages and IM's always had to do with sex or had some kind of sexual comments. My ex was also very focused on "how hot" my body was. Be careful if they start to seem detached when you are having sex or afterwards. After one hot session together, I asked her about it the next day and when we could do it again and she really didn't give me an answer. 5. Wandering eye. They are the type of person that looks around the room or checks out other people. If they're that into you, they are not checking out other people. I made it a point NOT to look at other girls when I was out with my girl. Your friends tell you that they have a wandering eye or they are the type to check out other people. Trust your friends because your emotions are clouding your judgement. 6. Talking about other guys / girls. My ex would mention other guys just "in passing" as if she and I were having a regular conversation about the day. She would then say "I would never date him" or "blah" or "he's not my type". Turns out she was full of sh*t and covering her bases. She was hooking up with some of these guys. If they are even casually mentioning others, be careful! It can easily mean that other person is really on their mind. 7. Lots of opposite sex friends. There are exceptions I suppose, but I always think this is trouble. My ex had lots of guy "friends". Turned out she was screwing a few of them even though when I asked she said "eewww" or "i would never" about them. Some of them used to just "drop by" her house to say "hi". Yeah, right. They knew she was a whore and they were waiting for an opportune moment. 8. They stop saying nice words. My ex always used to send me texts and IMs that always said "sweetie, honey, baby" etc. Towards the end I noticed that slowly started to change. While I wondered about it, I should have paid much more attention to it. 9. Their affection changes. My ex slowly started not kissing me and hugging me as much when she saw me. She seemed "busy" when I showed up. At the end her kisses were "pecks" and she would not put her arms around me. 10. They make excuses. They have to go home to hang out with their roomate. They want to go out with "just the girls" and you're not invited. They have to work late. They change their schedule. For example, my ex started going to the gym at odd times. Some of this is normal, but if your gut feeling is that they are lying or something isn't right, GO with your intuition!! Everyone, feel free to add your own !!
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 That pretty much sums it up. Good post. These are all red flags.
orangehose Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Yeah, this seems like a pretty good list. OP, I'm sorry whatever experiences led to the compilation of this list. On the other hand, having spent much of my past relationship feeling ambivalent and suppressing feelings of frustration with my partner, I have to say I've acted in several of these ways myself. By the end, I was definitely exhibiting #1 and #8-10. And then there's only so long you can act like a fake about things.
orangehose Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I also wanted to add, what a person demonstrating these signs secretly wants (even if they're not consciously aware of it) is probably a showdown or confrontation of some sorts. I remember acting like this while a part of me was asking myself, "why doesn't he notice that I don't act affectionate anymore? Why doesn't he care that I seem to turn down his invitations?" I wanted to be called out on it and have a discussion, since I tended to get dismissed when I brought things up differently. I think people (guys in particular, not to generalize) tend to ignore negative signs or underestimate their importance... leading to a vicious cycle of passive-aggressive behavior from their partner... Not that any side is the more at fault.
polywog Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Write a Book!! Your list is great! Much better that the "He's Just Not That Into You" that what's his name chucklehead wrote.... it all rings so true to me ! polywog, veteran of the love wars, with a purple heart
DyingHeart Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Weird. My ex did not show any of those signs at all. He's not with anyone else and he always showed me affection, love and support. Mostly, it had to do with me and my issues. He admitted that he still loves me very much, but he wants me to be more independant. Not rely on him all the time. So, when he broke up with me, it was confusing to say the least. And HE is the one now breaking no contact. Not me. Sigh, we'll see. He is one confusing man, I'll give him that.
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