cowgirl6 Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 What is wrong with me? Why do I feel the need to talk to him all the time. I am one of those annoying people that just needs him to contact me....and if he doesn't I contact him. Why is it so difficult to ignore him. Yes we broke up because he wants to be a better Husband to his wife and feels aweful for what he did, however, he still flirts with me, a little. Gives me hints like "You keep talking to me that way, I might have to get a hotel room"....Which makes me think we might end up together.... So confused....my last post never ended up on here for some reason, so I am trying again..... Please do not say "Keep yourself busy" it doesn't work for me. I might be addicted to him:)
PoshPrincess Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 What is wrong with me? Why do I feel the need to talk to him all the time. I am one of those annoying people that just needs him to contact me....and if he doesn't I contact him. Why is it so difficult to ignore him. Yes we broke up because he wants to be a better Husband to his wife and feels aweful for what he did, however, he still flirts with me, a little. Gives me hints like "You keep talking to me that way, I might have to get a hotel room"....Which makes me think we might end up together.... So confused....my last post never ended up on here for some reason, so I am trying again..... Please do not say "Keep yourself busy" it doesn't work for me. I might be addicted to him:) Hey Cowgirl, I can totally relate to this! It DOES get easier believe me, but I still have my moments when I am desperate to hear his voice even though it tortures me and makes me feel even worse! My ex-MM decided he couldn't leave because he 'couldn't put his kids through it' and ended things with me, although he is still apparently unhappy with his wife. He made it quite clear that he was staying put but on the occasions that we speak he still flirts like mad even though he was so concerned about my state of mind not so long ago. I know it's my own fault as I should stick to NC but sometimes I really miss him. Pathetic! Honestly though, it really DOES get better. I can go weeks sometimes, even though I still think about him every single day. Believe it or not, that's a vast improvement on thinking about him 24/7. He's not the first person on my mind when I wake up anymore (apart from the times when I dream about him). Sometimes I wonder if he's my obsession too though. I guess maybe it IS an addiction of some sort. Perhaps we should try hypnotherapy?
NearlyThere Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I'd even try a lobotomy, if I thought it would help.
hardknocks Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 i hate to sound like a broken record. i was posting a little bit about this in another thread. don't kid yourself, all love is some part physical addiction and when you are trying to leave somebody there are chemical levels in your body that cause you to feel symptoms of withdrawl. don't trivialize it as just you being weak, understand that you are in a fight here with your own body chemistry. And the symptoms will subside in time. As an OM in NC, I feel your pain.. there could be nothing harder than having to look into the eyes of the person you love most in the world and tell them you don't want to see them anymore it is gut wrenching. all our lives we have been programmed to hold onto the ones we love, to fight for them and to not give up. in our heads we're fighting a war between conflicting ideas and seemingly no win situations. Because of the situation our ideas of caring are pitted against our ideas of honesty and it makes us get stuck in situations we don't want to be in since we can't see any good way out. as hard as it is, the only way to do it though, as you know, is to break the cycle. keep reading, keep thinking, keep searching for those answers that will help you justify yourself moving on. you'll find it, and one day you will 'click' and be able to regain control of YOUR life and your precious time on this earth. keep trying, don't give up!
addicted2love Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Hardknocks...would you mind reading some of my old posts and share your insight with me? I would really appreciate it. Thanks A2L
hardknocks Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Hardknocks...would you mind reading some of my old posts and share your insight with me? I would really appreciate it. Thanks A2L hehehheh ... well ok ;-) i'm much better at rambling pointlessly though ;-) let me ask you .. and this isn't specifically pointed at you.. just something i was thinking about when it comes to MW that are in a similar situation to you...how often do you have sex with your H. is it satisfying (you know what I mean) and how many hours a day would you say you spend in contact (talking, eating, cleaning etc) with your H. you don't have to answer if you feel they are too personal.
addicted2love Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 hehehheh ... well ok ;-) i'm much better at rambling pointlessly though ;-) let me ask you .. and this isn't specifically pointed at you.. just something i was thinking about when it comes to MW that are in a similar situation to you...how often do you have sex with your H. is it satisfying (you know what I mean) and how many hours a day would you say you spend in contact (talking, eating, cleaning etc) with your H. you don't have to answer if you feel they are too personal. My H and I do not have sex as often as I would like and 9 out of 10 times I'm the one coming on to him. In our 13 year M I've always had a higher libido. I used to think that sex wasn't important to him, that was until he cheated twice (possibly 3X). It could be very satisfying if he put forth some effort....he has become very lazy. As far as contact is concerned we spend about 3 to 4 hours per day in each others company. 2 of those hours we are accompanied by our child. The other 1 to 2 hours is spent watching tv or talking about his job. There is no "intamcy" in our relationship...no kissing, hand holding, flirting etc. Sex has become routine...get on, get off, roll over. After which I'm crying in another room and he's snoring. And yes...I have expressed that this bothers me, I've made requests for more intimacy and we are currently in MC trying to figure out how things got this way. But I will say it's been this way for years and not because I haven't tried everything I can possibly think of to try. At this point I've all but given up. Hope that answers your questions. BTW...I didn't mean to "threadjack" the original poster's thread...I'm sorry about that. A2L
GreenEyedLady Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Gives me hints like "You keep talking to me that way, I might have to get a hotel room"/quote] Is it just me or is this comment really rude and disrespectful? You can do better cowgirl...
kymberann Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 What is wrong with me? Why do I feel the need to talk to him all the time. I am one of those annoying people that just needs him to contact me....and if he doesn't I contact him. Why is it so difficult to ignore him. Yes we broke up because he wants to be a better Husband to his wife and feels aweful for what he did, however, he still flirts with me, a little. Gives me hints like "You keep talking to me that way, I might have to get a hotel room"....Which makes me think we might end up together.... Cowgirl what you are searching for is assurance. Assurance that the A is real, that your feelings are real, whether they are healthy or not, assurance that the A will continue in one way or another and assurance that what MM says or feels is real and that you make him feel that way. All natural... I never needed as much assurance as when I was in my A with xmm. I could and can give or take people who come along now who aren't married, but there was something about needing that extra assurance and it had to be from MM just to make me feel stable and emotionally secure. Only did I realize this after the A was over. Then I realized even so much more! NC is doable! and it helps heal, ut helps all the way around. You will know when the time is right for you. Just keep in mind though that MM is stringing you along...wanting to work on his M, flirting with you and then telling you "I might have to get a hotel room". Now that is not cool! Just hang in there! Best
ratingsguy Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Gives me hints like "You keep talking to me that way, I might have to get a hotel room" Is it just me or is this comment really rude and disrespectful? You can do better cowgirl... The same thought crossed my mind. It hurts, but hardknocks said it best. It is a fight against your own body chemistry. There are so many chemical changes in your body when you're in love. NC is so tough that you can't possibly comprehend life without the person you're in love with... at least in the beginning. Speaking as an OM who may have to soon go the way of NC, I am not looking forward to it at all. But if you stay in a dead end situation, the pain will last longer. Go NC now, and you'll be able to move on with life more quickly. My problem is that I don't know if my situation is a dead end... it's actually very open ended at this point. That's where I stand. Again, like hardknocks said, it is very very very difficult to tell the person you love that you can't see them anymore. I can't think of anything more emotionally painful. But there are plenty of people here who will tell you that NC has worked for them. The hardest part is just committing to doing it.
puddleofmud Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 The point of NC is so you won't have to hear things like that. But since you did: getting a room does not say "I love you", "I care for you" or that "I want you". All it says is "I want to get naked and have sex" in a hotel. When a man says that to a woman is it a genuine compliment? I would at least expect room service, two dozen roses, champange and a jaccuzzi...alllll weekend, and the NEXT-- with lunch on Monday, Monday night at his place, a movie on Tuesday then back to my place, pizza at my place on Wednesday and back to his place let the dog out and sleep, sushie on Thursday night at his place, dinner and a play Friday eve, at his place and my car washed on Saturday at his place. YOUR place, HIS place, all the time. "Hotel" for kinks and luxury...breakfast together is a STANDARD. It is a luxury to be treated like a Queen--don't go for the brass, it tarnishes quickly!
Guest Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Jebus - you folks have it easy. I think about her in my dreams, and when i'm awake - its not an addiction - she is just a part of me. she is connected in everyway - thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, artwork, etc. it is the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that you can be walking alone down the back streets of downtown taking pictures of graffitti art and thinking about her being there with you and you wanting to show her yer pix. i don't view this as an obsession - for me it is simply she is part of my spirit and soul and she is THE ONE i WANT to be with forever. right now i am being patient and waiting for the moment she decides what SHE WANTS and if I am happy in my life now, jebus, wait until you see the happy dance jigg i do if she comes home to joe! lol as far as i am concerned, we ended NC months ago, and have worked hard to communicate our issues and concerns, taken the time to do the work and show each other what we BOTH WANT FROM EACH OTHER AND LIFE - and it is a sweeet and delicious golden thread opportunity for us. wink
hardknocks Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Hardknocks...would you mind reading some of my old posts and share your insight with me? I would really appreciate it. Thanks A2L A2L I'm going to reply under one of your old threads.
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