Lauriebell82 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 wow more power to u that u dont care ur bf is unemployed. i think i'd flip out. anyway he probably got pissed off like everyone said that u were trying to distract him or manipulate him into spending time with u. my bf would probably do the same thing. he probably saw it as an attention-seeking tatic.
burning 4 revenge Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I would choose option C, because I'd think she was making fun of me
allina Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I think that getting pissy and walking out in a situation like this is not acceptable, and sort of childish, it's really not a way to have a happy relationship. Also,he said he wanted you to make more advances and when you did he acted like this, doesn't he realize that that's hurtful and may keep you from trying new things in the future? I'm confused about his intentions.
Author Walk Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 wow more power to u that u dont care ur bf is unemployed. i think i'd flip out. He's been paying 99% of the bills for the past 2 years. And he hasn't had a vacation in 3 years. Besides... he can't stand having me pay for stuff, and his ego will force him back to work long before I ever get annoyed by his unemployment. So.. the consensus from the posts in this thread is: I annoyed him. I had good initiative, bad timing. He over reacted. But I probably wouldn't have gotten a stellar reaction no matter what. Is that about right?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 sorry i didnt mean to come off mean like that..i had a bad experience with an ex who mooched off me, but sorry if i sounded mean. if he's been paying most of the bills then that is a nice thing for u to do for him actually. as far as the nakedness goes, ur timing was bad, but ur idea was good!
norajane Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 So.. the consensus from the posts in this thread is: I annoyed him. I had good initiative, bad timing. He over reacted. But I probably wouldn't have gotten a stellar reaction no matter what. Is that about right? I thought the guys all pretty much said they'd drop what they were doing if naked girl came into the room. I think his reaction was completely out of line. You have a right to walk around naked if you want anytime. That's not a cause for anger, even if he was in the middle of something and couldn't take time out for you. You could have done the laundry naked - no need to put on clothes in your home if you don't want to. I think the consensus was there are other issues going on here - I'd say some of them are his control issues, and possibly anger management issues. You did nothing wrong. He behaved like an ass to his naked girlfriend.
nicki Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 What James said. (makes a lot of sense!) I know how you feel. I really like it when my boyfriend comments on my naked body when I show it outside of the bedroom context. Sometimes I walk by him naked when he is working on the computer, just to see if I can distract and bewitch him! It's a girl thing. We all want to know our mates find us desirable. I don't expect a response every time, but two out of three times is good. Guys want the same attention from us, too, about their bodies. I always make sure to comment on my man's body when I catch him emerging from the shower. Just a quick comment most of the time....and sometimes I simply must have him right there and then. What I don't get is how stupid your boyfriend must be not to give you positive reinforcement for something he ASKED you to do. Usually how it works is that he asks you to walk around naked. You do. He reacts positively and with great attention, therefore, you will do it again. Pretty basic psychology. So, I would try it again another time. See if he responds. He could have been shy about you watching him work out....especially if he is not in the best shape and can hardly lift the weights. That might have been more on his mind than the fact that you were naked....just a thought. You sound like a thoughtful girlfriend. Is he as thoughtful as you are?
nicki Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Just want to add that no matter what, his reaction after the fact was mean and insensitive. It doesn't sound like he cares very much about your feelings, or is very attentive to you in the ways that make you feel valued and loved. So, maybe what happened is good information for YOU about him. I think any other guy would have either jumped on you, or at least later explained lovingly why he didn't.
milvushina Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 So.. the consensus from the posts in this thread is: I annoyed him. I had good initiative, bad timing. He over reacted. But I probably wouldn't have gotten a stellar reaction no matter what. Is that about right? Hey Walk, from the wisdom in most of your posts I don't know why I am trying to give you advice, but... I think several people are saying that you annoyed him, and he over-reacted. Not exactly because timing was bad, but because for some reason he has issues with you that are making him more sensitive than he should be. Even if you had accidentally made him feel like you were looking over his shoulder until he did what you wanted, his response shouldn't have been to throw a fit. Why do you think he reacted like that? Out of curiosity how long has he been unemployed?
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Bottomline - He's an A-hole at times, you know this Walk...So, don't try to figure out his reasonings, I doubt it would make much sense. I don't know ANY man who would have reacted like he did. MY GOD, WTF! Talk about OVER REACTION!! I was stunned reading how he acted toward you and how he left. WTF crawled up his ass and died? I am sorry that he hurt your feelings. I guess next time, don't put the feelings out there when you try to flirt/have sex with him...Maybe it's time to put the wall up at times, depending on his mood, so you don't get hurt when he pulls a stupid move like he did earlier today. He's been bouncing off the walls from boredom That's his problem and he needs to fix it so he's not bored and not taking it out on you. He needs to keep busier and GET his life together.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Of course his reaction to the situation was wrong. No brainer there. I honestly think that his actions had nothing to do with the workout or your naked appearance/distraction. He got angry and needed time to think for some other reason altogether. Maybe it's the unemployment just eating at his ego/manhood/self esteem. He lashed out in an inappropriate time because he needed to release some anger about something. It is totally unacceptable, but I have done such stupid things, even recently. The appropriate thing would be for him to apologize for his behavior and admit that it had nothing to do with that moment in time. Then he should discuss with you what is actually bothering him. For the record, if we had been talking about sex, my BF would have been waiting for me naked when I emerged form the shower! As a matter of fact if we had been talking about sex, I doubt I would have even made it to the shower.
Mary3 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Quck question... You're a guy, you're lifting weights at home. Your gf comes into the room you're working out in completely naked, and sits down in a chair nearby. Not unfriendly or anything, just not getting in the way of the work out. Would you: A.) Think that was cool. Finish your work out, take a shower and maybe have sex with your gf. B.) Think it was weird, finish your work-out and pretend it didn't happen. C.) Get upset about it. Yell at gf for it. Then take off for a drive to "clear your head". A I would have hot sex and then make some pancakes
Author Walk Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 Why do you think he reacted like that? I was wondering if maybe he felt he couldn't "perform" sexually at that point in time. He's not easily aroused on good days. He's the only guy I've ever met who doesn't get morning wood. So maybe, potentially, who the hell knows... he over reacted because I dinged his male ego toward "getting it up". Out of curiosity how long has he been unemployed? Not long. 8 days. He's already called on a couple jobs. I asked him not to take one of them. It was hauling gasoline in tankers. I used to freak out when he was hauling non-explosive things. I'd have a heart attack if he hauled gas. 'Specially on these icy roads. ick.
Ariadne Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Hi Walk, I second everything Limerent said. he started working out when I jumped in the shower... I'd even say that he started working out "not" to have sex with you. But then you went and sat there naked on a chair with a laptop like, I'm waitiiiiiingg... and that completely pissed him off. and make him feel less like a worthless sloth right now. I think you must make him feel that way somehow. Especially since you "go to school" and have "all those projects" to do and he is hauling stuff. And I think that having a fat girlfriend is not helping him feel any better. Thus the: He's been joking a lot about wanting me to gain more weight. Which I don't understand. Its becoming annoying.. the joke. Type of thing... Ariadne
JamesM Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I was wondering if maybe he felt he couldn't "perform" sexually at that point in time. He's not easily aroused on good days. He's the only guy I've ever met who doesn't get morning wood. So maybe, potentially, who the hell knows... he over reacted because I dinged his male ego toward "getting it up". Is this one of those "AHAA! moments? Could the problem all boil down to this? If he problems getting it up, then the pressure of seeing you sitting there waiting for him to finish becomes less of an incentive and more of a "performance deadline." His mind begins working and he is afraid that he will not perform. For those with sexual dysfunctions, I am willing to guess that spontaneity is better than scheduling. And as for you being the "fat girlfriend" as stated above...I doubt that is the case since you were talking about having sex earlier...and he seems to have been interested.
Limerent Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I was wondering if maybe he felt he couldn't "perform" sexually at that point in time. He's not easily aroused on good days. I am still sticking to my original thought. Compounded with this knowledge, his reaction still makes sense. It was a bit uncalled for, but who doesnt act like a moody a$$ from time to time? I would say that seeing you naked admist his private time irked him, and made him feel manipulated, as well as his inability to become easily aroused, mixed with his already mounting insecurities regarding not having a job, and having you foot the bill. He could have possibly "relieved" himself througout the course of the day as well, and that could have made him feel guilty, on top of everything else. You had no way of knowing that he was going to internalize it to that magnitude, and its not your fault. Dont process it as such. He most likely felt a mixture of guilt, feeling manipulated, stress, shame, and a touch of demasculinity due to his current jobless status. He might even feel a bit of anger towards you- The wonderful do all, be all girlfriend who works hard, pays his bills and still has time to be hot, sexy and exciting. Please further explain this statement He's been joking a lot about wanting me to gain more weight. Which I don't understand. Its becoming annoying.. as in, he wants you to gain more weight , or being sarcastic because of the fact you gained more weight?
Ariadne Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Hi again. He wants you to humilliate yourself. As in: Why don´t you gain some "more" weight and walk around the house naked for me... I´d certainly love that. Yes, he´d love that but not in the way you think. You want to be loved and admired, and you think that he is going to be aroused by looking at your naked body, but you got it all the way around. I was wondering if maybe he felt he couldn't "perform" sexually at that point in time. He's not easily aroused on good days. Yes, he can. But you have to humilliate yourself. Walk around the house naked as he told you, but in a, is this ok? Do you like this? Tell me if you want a bj, ok? Would you like me to make you something to eat? type of way. And make yourself look sexy but in a cheesy way. Not "sexy vamp," he´ll hate that. Put some high heels that you can´t walk well into, some dumb makeup etc. But not sure if you are up to the part. Ariadne
ilmw Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I'm still not getting this... You both talk about having sex... you go shower... he started to work out.. You finish.. and wait there naked.... he continues...working out.. Then he gets pissed at you... for sitting there... Damn girl... if that was me.... Id be all over you like white on rice... Does he not know a good session in the "sack" is awesome cardio!! Besides.. who the hell works out before sex? I could understand maybe some Yoga... if you were going to try out page 24 of the Karma Sutra.... but weights...?? I don't get it... Some people look a gift horse in the mouth... and when they lose the horse... they wonder why... ilmw...
dgiirl Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I think the consensus was there are other issues going on here - I'd say some of them are his control issues, and possibly anger management issues. There's definitely something else going on here! How is your sex life in general? Is there any tension? You mentioned that he's having some performance issues, which might be a main problem. You also mentioned that he wanted to see you walk around naked more often? I think the fact that you actually walked around naked the day after he asked it made him feel guilty. Perhaps he perceived it as you doing him a favour instead of you actually wanting to do it out of your own initiaition? Ppl are so messed up. They often ask for things, then feel guilty when they get it because they feel they shouldnt have had to ask for it. He should have appreciated the fact that you did it, instead of getting upset and angry. Him getting angry just made you feel even less secure with yourself. It's a vicisious cycle. My ex and I were having intimacy problems for a while. But I remember trying to spice things up every now and again. I remember how humiliated I felt when I bought lingerie for his birthday for the very first time. He liked it at first and took advantage, but the very next day he told me how selfish I was for buying myself clothes. That wasnt exactly the response I was looking for and it made me feel even worse about myself. I dont think there's anything wrong doing acts that will boost your own self esteem. For me to be intimate with someone, I need to feel confident. And to feel confident I need to boost my self esteem. If that means walking around naked and hoping for a good response from my partner to boost my self confidence, I dont see what's wrong with that. The more confident I am, the more turned on I'll be, the more rewarding I'll be towards him. Yes, you win, but so does the other partner. I think your bf was acting like an ass, just like my exh did to me. And knowing my own situation, I believe there might be something else going on for you two. I think you need to talk to him about what happened and how it made you feel. Ignoring the problem will definitely not fix it and will make things even worse. I felt tremendously humiliated by my ex's reactions and very resentful. And based on that, I didnt have very much desire to be intimate with him. And because I wasnt intimate with him, he resented me and in turn would make me feel humiliated because he was hurt. It just goes round and round and noone's happy.
allina Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 He wants you to humilliate yourself. As in: Why don´t you gain some "more" weight and walk around the house naked for me... I´d certainly love that. Yes, he´d love that but not in the way you think. You want to be loved and admired, and you think that he is going to be aroused by looking at your naked body, but you got it all the way around. Yes, he can. But you have to humilliate yourself. Walk around the house naked as he told you, but in a, is this ok? Do you like this? Tell me if you want a bj, ok? Would you like me to make you something to eat? type of way. And make yourself look sexy but in a cheesy way. Not "sexy vamp," he´ll hate that. Put some high heels that you can´t walk well into, some dumb makeup etc. But not sure if you are up to the part. Ariadne What?! This is the most confusing post
Author Walk Posted January 26, 2007 Author Posted January 26, 2007 I'd even say that he started working out "not" to have sex with you. I think you must make him feel that way somehow. Especially since you "go to school" and have "all those projects" to do and he is hauling stuff. And I think that having a fat girlfriend is not helping him feel any better. I'm not sure how to take your post. I'm insulted, yet laughing. Either way... thanks for pointing out that I'm fat, and my bf obviously goes out of his way to NOT have sex with me.
Author Walk Posted January 26, 2007 Author Posted January 26, 2007 I am still sticking to my original thought. Compounded with this knowledge, his reaction still makes sense. It was a bit uncalled for, but who doesnt act like a moody a$$ from time to time? I would say that seeing you naked admist his private time irked him, and made him feel manipulated, as well as his inability to become easily aroused, mixed with his already mounting insecurities regarding not having a job, and having you foot the bill. I think this is pretty close to what was going on in his head. Knowing him... it's all that, and probably some obscure guilt over not having money to loan to his brother or something unrelated. You had no way of knowing that he was going to internalize it to that magnitude, and its not your fault. Dont process it as such. He most likely felt a mixture of guilt, feeling manipulated, stress, shame, and a touch of demasculinity due to his current jobless status. He might even feel a bit of anger towards you- The wonderful do all, be all girlfriend who works hard, pays his bills and still has time to be hot, sexy and exciting. Please further explain this statement as in, he wants you to gain more weight , or being sarcastic because of the fact you gained more weight? I honestly think he's feeling insecure, and wouldn't mind if I gained weight so he won't lose me to some hot stud college guy. That's what I think... not that I'm fat, or that he really wants me to be fat. I think he's just feeling insecure right now. I did gain weight.. but like 5-7lbs. Not like dozens of pounds or anything.
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 I'm not sure how to take your post. I'm insulted, yet laughing I laughed too, but then was like WTF????? He needs to work on himself. Get more self esteem, self confidence and GET OUT THERE! Whether it be volunteering or working, he has to DO something so he feels like he's contributing in life, instead of taking out his frustrations (which are all about him, not you) ON you.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 What?! This is the most confusing post I laughed too, but then was like WTF????? You folks say what I just think. In Ariadne's defense, she strikes me a lovely person who has thought processes that I don't always understand. She can be very dreamy and poetic at times, and can seem to have random thoughts at other times that don't make sense to me, but I do think she means well. So, Walk, have the past few days been better? Any more strange reactions, or is it more like it never happened? As a woman, I keep expecting him to explain himself, but I think like a woman. I would want to explain my apparent craziness. But men often don't feel they've done anything wrong so no explanation would be necessary or forthcoming. Whatever!
Ariadne Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 Thank you, and can seem to have random thoughts at other times that don't make sense to me I just figured he'd work sexually like that. That was my gut feeling after all she said about the situation. The having a fat girlfriend comment was because some men (not all) feel validated by their gfs. They like to show off with them. And when their gf is fat they feel that's the best they can do. Of course if they love their gfs it really doesn't matter, but if they are feeling insecure it might not help. Ariadne
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