Dating Out Of My Class

[Guest]

I am a 21 year old bookkeeper and just met a 26 year old Yale attorney 3 weeks ago. I have a high school diploma. I am so intimidated by him. He has been calling me, taking me out and his kisses are unbelievable. I haven't slept with him yet. I'm so scared I am going to get hurt. I have started ignoring his calls when I see him on my caller ID. He took me to a party where all his ivy league friends attended and some of the female friends were rude to me. I don't want to be put in that position again. How do I tell him how I feel without sounding like a slug? I really could fall deeply for him but I can't see the two of us making it with our extremely different educational backgrounds. I don't know what he see's in me. Can two people like us make it in the long run? My girlfriends say he is just trying to see what it's like to sleep with someone on the "other side of the tracks"?

[saturnalia]

I do not think you should automatically assume that it won't work out.

 

Obviously, this man sees something in you and is very interested. I would take it slow and assess his actions and words. Be upfront with him about your concerns. Also, don't let his snotty friends get to you, but be sure he is acting appropriately in these situations. He needs to be aware that you are uncomfortable, and communication is key.

 

I am in the opposite position to you. I am a successful, well-education young woman and dating a guy that most would look down on as "beneath me" because he doesn't have a college degree but rather has a technical, stable bluecollar position. However, he has so many characteristics that I just adore. I nearly caved into the societal pressures at first, but came to my senses because he is really one of the sweetest, most compatible guys I have met.

 

You have to be honest about your concerns, as I was with him, and talk out these issues.

[Unbeleivable]

Maybe he likes you because you are down to earth. I come from a pretty white color group and I could never see myself dating any of the girls in my circle. Don't get me wrong, I love them, they are tons of fun and good people all around, but I just couldn't ever see myself with them.

 

You said the girls were rude to you. That just shows what kind of people they are, and could be the very reason he likes you instead of them.

[bab]

I am a 21 year old bookkeeper and just met a 26 year old Yale attorney 3 weeks ago. I have a high school diploma. I am so intimidated by him. He has been calling me, taking me out and his kisses are unbelievable. I haven't slept with him yet. I'm so scared I am going to get hurt. I have started ignoring his calls when I see him on my caller ID. He took me to a party where all his ivy league friends attended and some of the female friends were rude to me. I don't want to be put in that position again. How do I tell him how I feel without sounding like a slug? I really could fall deeply for him but I can't see the two of us making it with our extremely different educational backgrounds. I don't know what he see's in me. Can two people like us make it in the long run? My girlfriends say he is just trying to see what it's like to sleep with someone on the "other side of the tracks"?

 

Many men that have high earning degrees are looking for a woman who could be a support role for his career instead of competeing with him for the same positions. It is quite possible that he is looking for a woman that would be willing to do so. It would be hard for him to marry a woman that had an Ivy League law degree and get her to be a SAHM. I'm not saying that this is 100% what he is looking for, as clearly I've never met him, but it's quite possible.

[Road Rage]

OK, this is blunt! A fine piece of ass cuts across all social barriers....bar none. You OP must carefully decide what it is he sees in you. Women tend to be far too idealistic in this regard. The odds are ten to one he just wants to bone you and move on.

[Grrlish]

I am a 21 year old bookkeeper and just met a 26 year old Yale attorney 3 weeks ago. I have a high school diploma. I am so intimidated by him. He has been calling me, taking me out and his kisses are unbelievable. I haven't slept with him yet. I'm so scared I am going to get hurt. I have started ignoring his calls when I see him on my caller ID. He took me to a party where all his ivy league friends attended and some of the female friends were rude to me. I don't want to be put in that position again. How do I tell him how I feel without sounding like a slug? I really could fall deeply for him but I can't see the two of us making it with our extremely different educational backgrounds. I don't know what he see's in me. Can two people like us make it in the long run? My girlfriends say he is just trying to see what it's like to sleep with someone on the "other side of the tracks"?

 

 

1. The rude girls at the party are just your plain run-of-the-mill classless bitches. It has nothing to do with their level of education. You can find rude classless bitches with Ph.Ds and as well as with only junior high school educations. How you handle their rudeness will set you apart. Ignoring it is the best way to handle it. Don't lower yourself to their level.

 

Straightforward, I would not say anything to him about those girls' behavior.

 

You've only known him for three weeks and been on...how many dates? Too soon to sound like you're making judgement calls on his circle of friends.

 

Consider...perhaps these girls are just rude to everyone, in general, or to all 'outsiders'? Try to remember: their behavior really has nothing to do with you. Having this perspective can make it easier to almost be amused by their behavior. It makes it sort of like watching someone putting on an act instead of getting involved in the play, yourself.

 

Although, the truth is, that if you two are to continue dating, you could likely wind up being around these girls, or some other version of them.

 

2. I'm troubled by your girlfriends' comments. Or, rather, that people that you consider to be your friends are making comments like this to you. If one of my girlfriends made a comment like that to me, I would have to fathom a guess that she's jealous. I'd take a good look at the people you're calling friends before you take any of their advice.

 

 

Do you want to go out with him? If so, then go. If you're nervous about things, then just take it slow. It's only been three weeks, hon. Go on a few more dates and have some fun. If things don't seem to be going well after a few more dates, then don't go anymore.

 

Of course, if you're already sure that it won't work out, then don't waste your time. Or his.

 

I have a college education (not Ivy League) and grew up in an affluent area. The considerations for me about dating anyone are things like:

 

Can we converse comfortably?

 

Do we have similar views on life?

 

Do we have things in common and/or some overlapping interests?

 

Etc.

 

These things are not necessarily related to one's level of education.

 

I will be honest and say that someone who has gone through the Ivy League educational mill has likely had some different experiences than you have (or I have). Additionally, unless he got through on brains and scholarships/grants, then he probably comes from an affluent family, as well. These are simply things to be aware of without acting on them.

 

You're young and so is he. Have a little fun. Why not try to put the education difference out of mind for now and see how you two get along before worrying too much the future?

[Green]

having a yale law degree would be intimidating to even a person who had a law degree from a less impresive school. I mean its YALE. with that aside if your a charming person to be around thats what he sees in you. He could be a jerk, he could be the guy your looking for, what you need to do is have some courage and confidence in yourself and just see where things go you cant start living your life by fears of things you dont even know are true. So be brave live life, and be the best person you know u can be.

[Road Rage]

Geezus M Krice, what a romance novel world we live in:confused:

 

Remember ten to one odds:(

 

The thing is, after he has tasted the fruit, reality will set in and he will see that there is a whole galaxy separating the two of you. But now he is thinking with his little head and the message is clear, he wants that thang. Remember Bill Clinton.

 

Hey, if you want a sport f*ck with a Yale grad, and I bet you do, go for it. Just have some alcohol first so you have a real convienent excuse. It`s worked a billion times before for a billion women.

[D-Lish]

Girlie-

 

who cares about where he went to school or how rich his family is or how uneducated you feel you are in comparison.

 

That's your problem right there- the fact that you devalue yourself right off the bat. It's a confidence issue- and it's your issue, you have to own it.

 

Okay, girls' are bitches in all social classes- you'll find them everywhere. I'm sure you've dealt with that before. The're testing you- as they probably would in any new group you get introduced to, regardless of the social class. That is their problem.

 

This guy likes you- why are you devaluing yourself? You don't need a freakin Yale degree to be a good person. Why do you think like that?

He obviously doesn't think like that. The fact that he invites you to his pretentious parties means he wants to show you off... why? because he likes you- and he likes what you are.

 

lets' start over here... just be who you are, like who you are, and accept that he likes who you are. Confidence my friend, confidence. Don't you dare start feeling like you are less of a person because you didn't go to University. He'll pick up on those vibes- and you don't want him to!

 

Footnote: Those nasty girlies will pick up on that lack of confidence too...so don't let it show! Smile, compliment them- be the better person. Being really nice to people who are nasty often disarms them. you don't have to have a degree to charm people.

 

But, I want you to stop thinking of yourself as a lesser human being because of the education difference. Geez- it means nothing.

 

I have two degrees, come from a prominent, wealthy family- and I don't choose who I date based on anything but chemistry. I like nice people- I like good people...I suspect this guy is the same.

 

Give him a chance girl- but more importantly, give yourself a chance.

F*ck those girls- who cares? Be who you are and be proud of it.

Confidence is sexy- even if you don't feel it- pretend...I'm serious.

 

Pretentious party's bore the crap out of me.

lol.

 

Be yourself. Don't worry.

D

[Green]

that YALE LAW degree that guy has is incredible I mean That is quite the acomplishment for this guy to get into Yale Law school he would need perfect Undergrad grades and a really high near perfect Law School Admision test score. This man is part of a very elite group of people to have graduated from Yale law school and that alone is very impresive I mean hes on track for greatness fame and fortune here I dont think u people realize I mean this guy probably makes a minimum of 150-300k a year right out of school, heck he may be on track to be our next president. I mean wow yale law school. now that aside yes his impresive educational background set aside if he likes you and you like him thats all that should matter so unless you sop liking him or he stops liking you just have fun

[dropdeadlegs]

Based on your post I would be uncomfortable too. I don't want to hang out with people that are rude based on their family wealth/education/position. But I would have him hang out with my blue collar, generally uneducated, somewhat military background, crowd as a sure test. If he doesn't feel equally uncomfortable (and I bet he would) then I might have a few more dates.

 

Class difference relationships are the stuff of fairy tales. They don't often work out in the real world because his friends and family will not accept you due to your status. Even if you could accept the indifference (at best) of those he is close to, I think it would bother you in the long run to feel as an outsider. Or maybe it would just bother me. I'm intelligent, but not formally educated and could not boast my degree from a fancy college because I don't even have one from a community college. Those in the elite tend to talk a lot about their education /degrees/professions. That is hard to overcome. He and his family may go against the grain but I think it is rare.

 

Don't dump him if you enjoy his company, but be prepared that falling for him may very likely hurt in the long run. If it were to get that far be prepared for a highly technical family organized pre-nup.

 

I have never been in this position so my opinion should be taken as such; my opinion.

[CaliGuy]

I am a 21 year old bookkeeper and just met a 26 year old Yale attorney 3 weeks ago. I have a high school diploma. I am so intimidated by him. He has been calling me, taking me out and his kisses are unbelievable. I haven't slept with him yet. I'm so scared I am going to get hurt. I have started ignoring his calls when I see him on my caller ID. He took me to a party where all his ivy league friends attended and some of the female friends were rude to me. I don't want to be put in that position again. How do I tell him how I feel without sounding like a slug? I really could fall deeply for him but I can't see the two of us making it with our extremely different educational backgrounds. I don't know what he see's in me. Can two people like us make it in the long run? My girlfriends say he is just trying to see what it's like to sleep with someone on the "other side of the tracks"?

 

 

The only people who are out of your class are the ones you "think" are. If you believe you are worthy, no one is out of your class. I don't care how educated, rich or whatever they are.

 

"Those who think they can and those who think they can not are both right."

 

Cheers.

[norajane]

Well, I have the fancy degrees from the elite schools, but I grew up dirt poor and blue collar and on the wrong side of the viaducts. It wasn't until after I'd spent years in the workforce and had some measure of professional success that I began to feel anywhere close to being an "equal" even with people who had "lesser" degrees.

 

Eventually, I learned to stop evaluating people based on their background, and started to evaluate them based on their actions and principles. When I did that, I realized that my hard-working blue collar immigrant parents had reams of kindness and integrity, intelligence and compassion, determination and ambition - and they had instilled that in me, which is what made me a superstar, not my elite education. I'd be a superstar even without the degrees.

 

I can totally understand your hesitation and discomfort and fears. And I can understand feeling out of place with his friends, as well as feeling intimidated and hurt by their rudeness. Rudeness is not excused by pedigree.

 

I have to ask, what do you see in him besides his kisses? Do you two connect on any other level, like sense of humor, core values, conversation, interests, passions, dreams? If you do, then continue to see him. Be upfront and tell him your concerns. He will stand by you and help you feel more comfortable if he's worthy of you.

[Krytellan]

*Flying generalizations alert*

 

First off, guys don't care how much money you have. Successful guys WANT to have the power in a relationship financially. It makes them feel important and like they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. I wouldn't be surprised if he expected you NOT to work.

 

Second, and this is important, please remember that a Yale Law Degree does not make a man a good man necessarily (as the women on the site throw shoes at me and tell me to shut up because I'm runing their orgasm they get just thinking about his wallet). Expect a LOT of time alone when he has too many other things to do. Expect someone who is extremely focused and perhaps even uptight.

 

Just all things to consider.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

I have a happy story about that kind of situation.

 

I saw an interview of a couple considered "soulmates", you know, they clicked in every way, understood each other, loved each other more with time, and happy as day one after some 50 years of marriage.

 

As the story goes, this lady had a brother who went to Harvard and kept talking about this other friend of his that was "so smart".. but "so smart" even the brother's friends all said the same thing... and the brother wanted to introduce her to this guy.

 

She (Jewish too, which was a big plus... hmm) was completely intimidated since she didn't have that kind of education, and said in the interview that she thought "anything less than Socrates or Plato would be too dumb" (they both laughed).

 

So she decided to go and not speak a word, fearful of making a fool out of herself but went anyway. Soon thereafter she received a card from the guy saying that he had a great evening and wanted to see her again. She couldn't believe it, and they are still together.

 

So, good luck there, it can happen...

 

Ariadne

[Guest]

I have to ask, what do you see in him besides his kisses? Do you two connect on any other level, like sense of humor, core values, conversation, interests, passions, dreams? If you do, then continue to see him. Be upfront and tell him your concerns. He will stand by you and help you feel more comfortable if he's worthy of you.

 

Thank you all so much for your replies. First of all I met him at a party he attended with a friend of his. He was standing there and I started a conversation. We had fun and danced all night. We were together laughing and talking for 3 hours before he asked me what I did for a living. I told him and he told me he was an attorney. I thought "Oh gawd". The chemistry was off the charts right a way. I didn't even want to start dating an attorney but after he called and we talked for hours I went to dinner with him. We didn't talk about his job, school or anything like that until our 4th date and he dropped the "I went to Yale" thing on me. My mouth dropped to the floor. He made it through school on scholarships, grants, etc. His father (now deceased was a policeman and his mom was a SAHM. So I know he didn't grow up with a lot of money.

 

He spent Saturday night and Sunday afternoon with me. There was some hot and heavy kissing going on. He really doesn't talk about hisself very much. He told me this weekend that he felt very comfortable with me. He introduced me to a couple more of his friends (guys) this weekend and they were very nice. He knows my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and he asked if he could spend it with me. I thought that was sweet.

 

We both are young and maybe he is just dating around right now and I'm going to try to take this slow.

[D-Lish]

Well, if you can't handle dating someone with more credentials than you- then don't do it.

 

I really don't know why you are being so hard on yourself.

 

My neighbour is a 32 year old Brain Surgeon- he shamelessly flaunts his status to pick up girls. It works for him all the time. I'm more impressed by how often he gets laid than his academic accomplishments.

 

Good for him- he's a Yale Grad with a bright future ahead of him. What kind of person is he? You've spent so much time being in awe of his accomplishments that you haven't said too much about what he's like as a person.

[Mz. Pixie]

Good for him- he's a Yale Grad with a bright future ahead of him. What kind of person is he? You've spent so much time being in awe of his accomplishments that you haven't said too much about what he's like as a person.

 

Good point.

 

I was raised poor and have worked for everything I've ever had. My husband comes from a wealthy family. Ironically I didn't even know they were wealthy until after we were already married. I mean they had a nice home and nice cars but I truly didn't know they were wealthy.

 

I consider myself to be middle class. My husband knew if he dated girls from the country club more than likely they would only be interested in his future inheritance- he had been there and done that. Someone like myself who has had to work hard and not have everything they want was appealing to him because he knew I loved him for him and not the bucks he might stand to inherit.

 

Besides, it's just dating. It's not like you're getting married. If it bothers you so much find a person that you admire their style and ask them to take you under their wings and sort of "teach you the ropes" of the upper crust???

[Woggle]

I grew up very poor and I am with a woman that comes from a wealthy family. It works out great because of who we both are inside not because of class. She may come from wealth but she also travelled to thrid world countries and has worked in some of the worst ghettos in this country so she has an understanding of what other people go through and she truly appreciates what she has. To me it is all about what a person is deep down inside and not how much money they have or what schools they went to.

[stillafool]

OMG, you sound like me 20 years ago. I was dating a Harvard attorney at your age and I hope your story turns out better than mine. We ended up dating for 3 years. Initially he swept me off my feet. After I fell hard for him I found out he was still dating his ex gf from Harvard and every body else. He felt entitled. Anyway, it may have been that my guy was just a jerk. I would take it slow because he is only 26 and a Yale Attorney so he probably knows (like mine did) that women are crawling all over each other to go out with him. But then again, guys could be fighting each other to go out with you. I would definitely take it very, very slow.

[humblegirl]

okay I finally registered. I wrote a post yesterday under Guest but I think it takes a while to show up so I registered.

 

I met him at a party he attended with a friend of his. He was standing there and I struck up a conversation and we talked, laughed and danced for 3 hours before he asked me about my occupation. I told him I was a bookkeeper and he told me he was an attorney. I thought to myself "oh gawd". I don't normally don't date professionals and normally go for the "artsy" type of guy. Most of them don't have much money so I am use to that. Anyway, we never talked about school or anything until our 4th date and he dropped the "I went to Yale" thing on me. Yes I am a good person and I know it but when he told me he graduated from Yale I did wonder why is he dating me.

 

We went out Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. I met two more of his friends (male) and they were very nice. He knows my birthday is coming up soon and he asked me if he could spend it with me. I thought that was sweet. I'm going to take it slow because we both are young and chances are he will want to date around before he gets serious and I don't want to set myself up for hurt.

 

He has brought up sex but I told him I'm not easy and he said he will wait. I'm trying not to think negatively, but my male friend told me "of course he will wait, he probably has at least 10 other girls he's sleeping with." Maybe I need to stop talking to my so called friends.

 

Thanks for the advice and support. I need all I can get.

[humblegirl]

D-Lish he seems to be a nice person. We both love football, basketball, old films, and dancing. We laugh a lot when we are together. I didn't mean to sound like I was in awe of his accomplishments but I am a bit impressed by what he's done at his age. I really like this guy because he is gentle and I love the way he handles situations when we are together. I would like him just as much if not more if he were a janitor or a starving artist. At least I would feel like I could let my guard down and really show him how much I like him.

 

As I mentioned before, money is not a motivator for me. I grew up on a farm and am not use to fancy things.

[humblegirl]

Oh by the way, his father is deceased but was a policeman. He is the oldest of 5 kids and his mom was a SAHM.

[CaliGuy]

Good for him- he's a Yale Grad with a bright future ahead of him. What kind of person is he? You've spent so much time being in awe of his accomplishments that you haven't said too much about what he's like as a person.

 

That's what concerns me about her train of thought. I do think anyone who believes someone is "out of their league" should work on their self-esteem.

 

We all are going to end up six feet under some day (in my case, ashes). We can't take any of our posessions with us and when we stand before the maker, he really isn't going to lend to much weight to a college degree or how much personal weath or posessions we amassed.

 

He's going to judge us on what kind of people we were.

 

Maybe that is why I believe no one is better than or worse than anyone else and in God's eyes, were all equal.

[Green]

I dont know what a SAHM is but sounds like your in a good place. I mean would you wrather date a guy and say to your self he hasnt acomplished that much thats good because now I can date him? DLISH did you sleep with that brain surgeon guy or something...