Quick - tell me not to contact him again!

[alasia]

Hi, you can read my last post for the background/recent happenings on my story, but at the moment I really need someone to give me a quick reallity check.

 

I left a message on my ex's answerphone yesterday afternoon asking if he could collect a bag I'd left on one of his company's buses a few nights before. He texted back straight away saying it had been handed in and he'd pick it up later. I didn't reply because there wasn't really anything to reply to...he then phoned on my home phone five minutes later, telling me exactly what he'd just said in the text message!

 

I told him I knew and when he asked if I'd recieved the text and I said yes, he replied "ohh..because you didn't get back to me!". Like I was some huge deal. I ended the conversation and hung up, and then couldn't get him calling out of my mind ALL DAY. I didn't think about it constantly, but quite a lot - you see, he practically never phones me, at least not since we split up. He replies to about half of my text messages so the fact he replied so quickly to mine yesterday was a miracle in itself; and then to only give me five minutes to reply before PHONING, well that's just unbelievable.

I thought I did well by keeping the conversation short and only about the bag, didn't contact him all day after that and then I went and ruined it...

 

I left another voicemail just before he was due to get back to the depot (he's a bus driver, btw) at midnight. Again it was short and sweet, just reminding him I need that bag asap as there's something in there I need to get to someone else by the end of the week.

He sent a text before he listened to the voicemail saying "whats up" which I didnt reply to, then he texted again at 00.10 saying "do you want me to give it to neil (another driver) so he can give it to you on wednesday?".

 

I didn't reply, because I didn't want to waste anymore money on him - I've run up a huge phonebill at my dad's house from phoning him and spent so much money on mobile phone credit it's unreal; so I figured it's his turn now.

 

He hadn't contacted me by 1am, so I phoned him and asked me to ring him back, The first thing he said was "you're not going to talk for long, are you?" which annoyed me. I said no, and he told me he'd call in a minute.

Five minutes later I hadn't heard anything so I called him back, and he said he was watching tv.

When I said this is important too, he agreed to call me back straight away. He was really off-hand with me which immediately put me on the defensive; I asked about the bag and that I couldn't collect it from neil on weds, so he said thursday. Apparently my ex has swapped his shifts this week which is unusual, because he loves the shift he was supposed to be doing and wouldn't normally swap. I get the feeling he did it because his bus on that shift comes into my town, and he thought I'd be stalking him or something.

But really, I have better things to do with my time! Although I have been slightly stalking him recently - just because he won't talk to me, and I felt like I needed answers! I realise I was acting insane though.

 

Anyway...he eventually said he'd post the bag and when I asked why he couldn't just bring it over, he said he had better things to do. Nice.

 

I got frustrated and (stupidly) brought the conversation round to us.

The basics of what he was saying was he hates me, thinks I 'nag' him all the time, I'm the most boring woman he's ever met, he's not bothered whether I keep this baby or not or if he ever sees it, and he'd be happier if he never saw me again.

I had to get all that out of him by asking questions, so I'm still not sure how much of it he meant, and how much was just to hurt me.

Then he said I didn't have to contact him again, and he said something about not taking no for an answer.

 

So..I've messed up. I think if I'd have just left him alone or kept to very limited contact, there might have been a chance of us working things out.

 

The thing I can't get over is why he initiated a 'break' three weeks ago, asked for no contact to sort his head out but whenever I did occasionally phone and ask what was going on, he didn't rule out the chance of us getting back together.

A week after the break started he asked me back to his house, I spent 3 days out there and he said he still loved me and still wanted me in his life. Then he backed off, so did I and a few days later, I ended up spending another three days at his place! We slept together (bad!) but he still said he had feelings and that he wanted to see me again - then the day after he brought me home again, I get a text message saying he never wanted to see me again!

 

He's been so up and down over he past few days too; one minute saying he still has feeling when he sees me but doesn't want them, then he says he can't ever see me and doesn't have any feelings - and at one point yesterday I asked if there was any chance of us ever working things out and he said "I don't know what to do with you. Maybe..I don't know, I can't at the moment".

 

It feels like he's just been messing with my head and that's what I need him to answer; if he was lying when I spent those nights at his house and he said he had feelings, whether he thought he had feeings...or what.

 

I realise I've handled things badly but am I wong for wanting answers?

 

I almost called him a few minutes ago, just to apologise, say I wish we could have worked it out or remained friends but I won't contact him again - is this a really bad idea?

 

I guess I should show him I'm going NC, there's no point in telling him...

[lovelorcet]

You don't tell someone that you are starting NC... You just do it.

[spinback]

Sounds like he's got you more or less where he wants you. You're almost grovelling at his feet, ready to apologise for everything that went wrong, while he is still messing with your head and stopping you from moving on with your life. So, seems like a fairly simple choice to me.

 

Either:

 

Continue to be strung along, remaining in endless uncertainty about where you stand and hoping that there is a light at the end of (what seems like a very long) tunnel, or...

 

Go cold turkey -- no contact... texts, calls, voicemails... stop it all. Go through a bit of pain to get yourself some long term closure. Then maybe you'll find someone else who's not going to string you a long, and who you might have a chance for a future with.

 

I realise that you probably won't want to make it look like you don't care, but regardless, I know what I'd do. If you go NC, he'll get the message -- surely he doesn't need to be told.