foxtrot127 Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 My ex girlfriend and I broke up in mid-November '06. We had good times, were in love at one point, but we had some very bad fights in the course of a year and a half. I have a hot temper and don't control my emotions very well at times. I slam things, shout, this is something I am working on now bigtime to improve about myself. This is the main thing that pushed her away. We moved in together in a new town so she could finish her degree, and living together things slowly deteriorated. We were not ready for it. I had been going through some trying times personally(looking for a job, etc.) and spiritually. Could never seem to please her with anything I did. We finally had a big fight about I don't even remember what now. I constantly blame myself now for not making more of an effort sooner to make her happy. I know she had been thinking about breaking up for months. After the break up we lived together but did not speak so it was very awkward for a few weeks. Then in December I realized she was talking to someone she met online. She even went and met him in person an hour away. At this point, jealousy kicked in and I looked like a jealous, desperate, broken person. She finally moved out Jan 1st. I then initiated no contact. She called once after a week to see what my plans were about moving too and when she needed to get rest of her stuff. I told her no biggie, I don't have plans yet. Didn't talk for another couple weeks. Then she came and got more of her stuff when I was at work today. She called and told me because she had to take some appliances. She still has a key and a few things at my house. I was short but cordial. I know she has moved on, and I am trying to be strong. I would like her back, but I know it is probably a lost cause. She said that it was the hardest relationship she has been in. Should I tell her to please get rest of her stuff and leave me her key, so I can quit accomodating her like my house is her storage shed? I don't want to be rude, because she has not been rude, but I do feel like I should not be so accomodating to her, and her coming to my house even when I am not here is not helping me move on. Any advice? It is probably noticeable that I have a tendence to beat my self up and blame myself about things, but I am filled with regret.
notmakingsense Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I think you are already doing the right things. Tell her again that she's got to get the rest of her stuff out -- you need to get to the place when you can have true No Contact and healing. Having her stuff at your place, however minor that may seem, is a hurdle in your process towards progress. And, regarding that progress -- just try to focus on things that make you feel good about yourself: your friends, your hobbies, working-out. Rebuild confidence/self-esteem, think about kind of person would work best for you / not bring out the negative in you -- and you'll find someone so much better for you in the future.
Author foxtrot127 Posted January 24, 2007 Author Posted January 24, 2007 thank you. its tough when you know you are a better person than some of your actions made you appear, and now it is too late to go back and change it. My family tells me we just weren't compatible obviously, but I am not so sure about that. I would like to remain in contact with her and try and be friends, thinking that maybe she will see a new me, but I know that goes against every piece of advice on this site. When she gets her last few things, I guess I should just continue NC(since its only been a few weeks, except for the short business-like call from her tonight). How long should I do this?
notmakingsense Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 You should continue NC until you don't care about her romantically any longer. You can't be 'friends' with her until this happens either. There isn't a set time. Some people take a very long time, others not so long. Here's a test: Imagine your reaction when she introduces you to her new lover. If that eats you up inside -- then you aren't ready to break NC yet.
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