myhotrod123456789 Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 This is a pretty generic question, but I would like to ask it in terms of my situation. I broke up with my ex about 4 months ago. I typed out my long rant of a story in my first post. Anyways, she has said many things to make me believe that she isn't interested in other people (ie. when I asked if her desire in me had declined because she wasn't attracted to me or because she was interested in someone else, she said absolutely not. And things like she can't handle the responsibility of a relationship now and that she is learning things about herself being single after being in a 5 yr relationship with me)... at least when we broke up. As recently as 2 weeks ago, she told me she would get back into a relationship for sure if she felt like she could dedicate time to it and not feel torn between that and her other responsibilities (as some background, I had made her feel really bad about not hanging out with me as much as I wanted - which was a lot because I had become reliant on her - when she moved an hour away to start grad school). Also at the time of the break, she made it clear that her only wish is that I don't resent her. It is clear she still cares a lot about me. She calls at least once a week. I've made it clear to her that I would like another try. Since then, I've given her space and backed off a lot. I rarely initiate contact and try to not initiate plans. I don't act needy or clingy on the phone. Just playing it cool. She can be a pretty socially anxious person and historically all her relationships have stemmed from taking a good friend and bringing it to the next level. I know she has a bunch of single guy friends out where she is (about 1 hr away). One she has told me is essentially her best friend out there. They hang out a lot and it is clear to me that he is very into her. However, as recently as a month ago he posted buddy buddy comments on my MySpace page even though I've only met him maybe 3 times before. Thought that was strange. My question is if she will tell me if she starts getting involved with someone? Will she change around me when we talk/hang out? Will she not contact me as much? I know it's really not my business at this point, but my desire to talk and hang out with her will decline if I find out she is getting involved with someone. I would also find it hard not to resent her given the fact she told me a lot of things that would make her seem disingenuous (in essence, whatever relationship we could have had or salvaged will be at a worse place than if she had originally just told me 'I would like to try other relationships' when we were breaking up'). I would appreciate any thoughts from personal experience.. especially when the ex is someone you genuinely care about and love.
notmakingsense Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Thinking about others is very destructive to your ability to seperate and heal -- so try not to. I hate to be harsh, but the reality is that she is just not that in to you any more -- and this will eventually lead her to spend more time with other guys. If she was really in to you, she wouldn't risk losing you. So... dont dwell on WHY she isn't in to you, just start focusing on getting ready to find someone who IS in to you. This means making sure your life is full and happy, self-esteem and confidence are high, and you don't feel like you NEED someone else.
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