pricillia Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 What would you do if your MM did leave and eventually started a life with you? All of a sudden he cheated on you, either one time or started an emotional/physical affair. I know for me if the shoe were on the other foot my self worth would suffer. I often think we see one side of this whole thing..(our side) Would you believe your man and trust that he would not try seek affection else where? Once you are living with him, it changes things, sometimes better and sometimes worse...
GreenEyedLady Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I'd do exactly what I did before with my XH...LEAVE...
Babybird Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Good Question! What would I do?? This is a question that has crossed my mind many times. Of course we, as the OW, want to believe that we have found our soul mate and we are the one person that is finally going to fill the void in his soul and complete his life. Right. Living together would take away so much of the excitement surrounding the relationship. No more worries about getting caught, sneaking around and having the passionate forbidden love. I honestly believe that flame would burn itself out very quickly. Odds are that in the bgeinning things would be wonderful between OW and now SM. Things may be harder because of talk surrounding the couple but that can't interfere with soul mates right? Eventually the newness would wear off. Would he be the first to wander or would she? Sad as it sounds to me being the OW they'll probably both cheat. I have a theory about myself...once that newness wears off and the in-love feeling fades then my boredom sets in. Will I find the right person to keep me interested? Who knows. If he cheated on me I would kick him to the curb. Yes, I might be a hypocrite but I wouldn't be able to trust him. Who knows how many lies he told me and his wife through out the relationship but I bet he's become a pretty good liar and I don't want to be the next victim.
princesspeaches Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 What would you do if your MM did leave and eventually started a life with you? All of a sudden he cheated on you, either one time or started an emotional/physical affair. I know for me if the shoe were on the other foot my self worth would suffer. I often think we see one side of this whole thing..(our side) Would you believe your man and trust that he would not try seek affection else where? Once you are living with him, it changes things, sometimes better and sometimes worse... I've been on both sides. When he cheated I really did my best to get past it. I tried to understand it, I did. But he broke my trust and I think had he been honest and told me I might have been able to believe that he would change. I gave him a second and third and fourth chance and he really made me regret it. I looked like a fool to all our friends. I didn't understand the whole thing until I was the other woman. Please don't get mad at me, I swear I had no idea he was in a relationship. I found out six months into our relationship when we were hanging out with other coworkers and someone brought her up. The worst part was that I couldn't end it because he was manager and it was so awkward. The affair taught me that it's not always about sex. We had so much in common, common interests and likes it was weird. We could spend hours just talking, we connected on a level that him and his girlfriend never connected on. Once he quit, I stopped all communication but he didn't. He missed the connection and the talking. i don't know if that helps with what you were looking for....
BUTAFLY Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 What would the OW do if the shoe were on the other foot? Thats easy....DUMP HIS ASS!
Meaplus3 Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 What would you do if your MM did leave and eventually started a life with you? All of a sudden he cheated on you, either one time or started an emotional/physical affair. I know for me if the shoe were on the other foot my self worth would suffer. I often think we see one side of this whole thing..(our side) Would you believe your man and trust that he would not try seek affection else where? Once you are living with him, it changes things, sometimes better and sometimes worse... In my situation I would not be able to be with ths XMM in a long term realtionship because I would not trust him not to cheat. Afterall, look what's been going on right under his W's nose! I can remember when I was very young and first married I was so afraid the first year of my marriage that my H would cheat on me. I was a fool. My H never even gave a reason to believe that, the issue was within myself. Just the simple fact that XMM was involved with me while in his M, that's enough right there to break my trust. AP:)
Kwanzaa Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
stillhere Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I can honestly say, i don't think he would cheat on me, i really don't. Call me crazy, naive, stupid, whatever you like, but i know this man. He is not a serial cheater, other girls don't turn his head. In all his life, i'm the first person he's ever cheated with. With that being said, if we do end up together, and he does cheat on me, i'm not sure what i'd do. I would like to think i would kick him out, but i can't say that for sure. So many BS's here had the exact same mindset, until their spouses did cheat, then it wasn't such a cut and dry situation. This is a man that they loved and cherished, and they wanted what they had with them to work. Maybe i'd feel the same, i really don't know.
cbl Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Leave. I am a believer of "once a cheater, always a cheater". That's why my xMM and I would never get together for marriage. We've made it clear in the beginning.... he doesn't go for a divorce and I wouldn't ask him for a divorce.
frannie Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 If he cheated on me..? Why would he do that..? He would have no excuse whatever. I can understand someone cheating if they feel trapped in a marriage because of children, and their W will not or cannot meet his needs. But if he and I were married and he cheated rather than came to me with his issues or asked for us to part..? He'd be having a LAUGH wouldn't he..? There would be NO reasons or excuses. Hence, he'd be kicked out with no second chances.
Romeo Must Die Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I would surmise to say that MM already does cheat on you, with his wife. I have been the BW and the OW with my own husband. I knew her engagement was over before she did... and it's all my fault! (in an Eminem voice) Anyway, you know that when you look at his ring (red flag) when you are in bed with him. You can make him take off his ring, pretend the W doesnt exist, stick your head in the sand and you can look the other way and hope it all goes away, but you are truely naive if you think he doesnt have sex with his wife.
Kathleen Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 He'd be the stupid calfslpeen that gets kicked out on his butt. Easy.
ThumbingMyWay Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Seems to me that some OW, when placed on the other side wouldnt stand for it. BUT what the OM is doing now by cheating on there W with said OW is ok. I dont get it? I can cheat with you, but if you ever cheat on me its over? I have asked my wife a similar question (she had an affair over 2 years ago) I said, what if I got tempted and had an affair, would you forgive me and take me back and rebuild our marriage, but from the other side so to speak. She said, no she couldnt go thru this mess again. I said, after all I have been thru, you wouldnt give me the same support as I gave you. She said NO. WOW....I felt as if she was a little selfish in her reply. Meaning, she couldnt take me back if I did it, but she so desparatly wanted me to take her back. but she would leave me if I ever did this......to me that speaks volumes of selfishness..... but what do I know, I am just a BS
BUTAFLY Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 but she would leave me if I ever did this......to me that speaks volumes of selfishness..... I don't know...It tells me she is strong/ self confident and will not tolerate being demeaned in that manner. You know this of her and its probably why you remain faithful.
norajane Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I don't know...It tells me she is strong/ self confident and will not tolerate being demeaned in that manner. You know this of her and its probably why you remain faithful. I always thought it was love and loyalty that kept people faithful, and less the fear of consequences. Maybe I'm a romantic.
ThumbingMyWay Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I don't know...It tells me she is strong/ self confident and will not tolerate being demeaned in that manner. You know this of her and its probably why you remain faithful. tis true, she is strong and confident.....but I know her also....she comes across that way...but inside she has insecurity issues, which she admits too. So...its OK for her to demean me, but i cant to her....not that I would, it was just a WHAT IF question. What bothers me, is that I have been thru hell with all of this, and to know that my wife wouldnt forgive me hurt a little.
whichwayisup Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 but what do I know, I am just a BS You just made me think of DazednConfused. His quote was, "what do I know? I'm just a male" I don't know...It tells me she is strong/ self confident and will not tolerate being demeaned in that manner. You know this of her and its probably why you remain faithful. But that's like saying that Thumbs isn't confident or strong, MY GOD, this man loves his wife, he worked his ass off to get to where he/ they are now. In all honesty, I would hope to god that she would give him a chance IF he ever cheated...But I know he won't, but IF he did.
ThumbingMyWay Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I always thought it was love and loyalty that kept people faithful to a person of value and integrity, its true. I am a very loyal person, to my wife, my family, my friends, my work.
ThumbingMyWay Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 But that's like saying that Thumbs isn't confident or strong, MY GOD, this man loves his wife, he worked his ass off to get to where he/ they are now. In all honesty, I would hope to god that she would give him a chance IF he ever cheated...But I know he won't, but IF he did. I cant cheat.... religious disclaimer: Dont read this next part if you dont have faith when I truly accepted Christ during all of this mess.....I accepted him being with me at all times, and for him to know all things and all thoughts. So, even if I had the opp to cheat and no one would know....He would still know...and that I cant live with. must be that loyalty thing...LOL
OceanBlue Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I always thought it was love and loyalty that kept people faithful, and less the fear of consequences. Maybe I'm a romantic. Interestingly enough, my boss and I somehow got into a discussion on cheating. He is the Pres. of a fairly large corporation, extremely wealthy, about 50 yrs, and has been married about 20 yrs. (info just for perspective). Direct quote from him was that he wouldn't because of the consequences.
Romeo Must Die Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 You are true to yourself, Thumbs. You are a good man. You have a spirit that cannot be broken. I am the same way (raised catholic not that it matters) and I know without even asking that my Romeo would self destruct if I had an affair. He couldnt take even half the amount of sh*it he put me through. The way I look at it is, it takes a strong person to be with him. I am a person the xOW could never even hope to be. She cant take anything away from me. Who I am and what I have, all of the above.
ThumbingMyWay Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 You are true to yourself, Thumbs. You are a good man. You have a spirit that cannot be broken thank you nice lady (in my best Beauford T Justice accent) The way I look at it is, it takes a strong person to be with him funny you say that. My wife says that about me. She says..."God gave you to me because he knew you were strong enough to take all crap I put you through". Kinda funny....but I know she is thankfull that I stuck it out...she couldnt imagine being without me know.....funny how an OP can fog your judgement to see the TRUTH.
CarterAmeri Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 What is the point of this whole thread? Isnt the original poster a OW? Or has her status changed. I read alot before registering and it doesnt make much sense to me. Are you a OW a BS or quite frankly ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP AT ALL. I have never seen a relationship like yours before in the real world. I would question his mental stabilty and your views of what a relationship should be. I do not believe this thread is of any value. What can someone learn from this, other than you ( the orginial poster ) are unsure yourself what you have in your life. What is a BS suppose to say? " I would never cheat". What is a OW suppose to say " HE would never cheat on me" ( Like some have already said) Pointless mindless banter from a very disoriented situtation.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 What is the point of this whole thread? Isnt the original poster a OW? Or has her status changed. I read alot before registering and it doesnt make much sense to me. Are you a OW a BS or quite frankly ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP AT ALL. I have never seen a relationship like yours before in the real world. I would question his mental stabilty and your views of what a relationship should be. I do not believe this thread is of any value. What can someone learn from this, other than you ( the orginial poster ) are unsure yourself what you have in your life. What is a BS suppose to say? " I would never cheat". What is a OW suppose to say " HE would never cheat on me" ( Like some have already said) Pointless mindless banter from a very disoriented situtation. CarterAmeri, That's your opinion and you are welcome to it, as we all are. Because of individual circumstance, it's up to those who post and those who read WHAT they get from the threads. Sometimes I read and the questions aren't of interest to me originally but an issue appears and I take opinion and debate from it. Sometimes, the threads are very similar to my situation and I gain perspective from what both OW and BS post. Each to their own
CarterAmeri Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Just seems crazy from my perspective. I have sat down and have been reading alot before posting myself. But I wish to see one post the gives some tangible insight. I have tried to generalize and narrow down posters. Who really wants to help and those really looking for help.
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