hardknocks Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Hello all, I was wondering if anybody has stumbled on any resources such as articles, journals or books dealing with the OM/OW problems and issues? Seems there is a lot of support for the MM/MW what as I search the net, the effects on the OM/OW seems to almost be ignored. I know some of you out there may be like me and feel like they were mislead into an affair. I fell in love with a woman that initiated the romance and swore her marriage was over before she met me and then strung me along saying she didn't have the courage to leave her H. I finally had to end the relationship after years of agony and promises. What can I say, I was in love and she kept saying she wanted to be with me and wanted to leave her marriage and I believed her. All of this has left me lost and looking for answers and understanding. Anyway, any suggestions would be appreciated.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Sorry Hardknocks, I've searched myself, I haven't found anything so far in the UK. I'd be interested to find out if anyone else has There's definitely a niche in the market though - myabe we should all get together and write one
Author hardknocks Posted January 24, 2007 Author Posted January 24, 2007 it's amazing in all of the articles about MM/MW and their affairs and effects on each other and children and lives - but not even an acknowledgement of the pain inflicted on the OM/OW. and I guess I am talking in particular about the ones that feel mislead. all the time spent waiting.. all the promises made and broken.. all the holidays spent alone.. all the time feeling like you are second best.. all the time wondering what the F*!@ is going on all the control on their side all the time lost not being able to contact them when you need them always being there for them and not in return listening to them tell you how much the love and want you, knowing they go home and pretend like you don't even exist it's gut wrenching.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 There's a million books to be written... "In the Mouth of Madness - the brain of a Married Man" "There's no prizes for second place: Being a OW and accepting it" "Separation sucks! How to date a MM through separation" "Communication Theory: Just Ring my Cellphone Baby" "War and Peace: How to survive D Day" "Knit Yourself a New Heart: Knitting patterns for NC OW needing a new ticker" "How to rid yourself of your LS addiciton...forever" We're seriously missing out! We're going to be millionaires!!! It is a shame about resources for OW, and I'm sorry for being so lighthearted about it, but if you don't laugh you cry. To be honest, I haven't looked for too many resources since finding LS. Reading both the OW forum and the Infidelity forum has given me some great insights into my situation and let me share some of my story. If I hear of any resources, I'll post
NoIDidn't Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I haven't seen anything for the OM, but plenty for the OW. If you google "Will He Leave Her For Me?", and then check it out on Amazon, you will find a ton of books for the OW. There will be the list of books that "other readers also purchased" on that page. Sorry, hardknocks. Maybe that men's website might have some info for you, as they talk about the dreaded "married woman" quite often there.
pricillia Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 There's a million books to be written... "In the Mouth of Madness - the brain of a Married Man" "There's no prizes for second place: Being a OW and accepting it" "Separation sucks! How to date a MM through separation" "Communication Theory: Just Ring my Cellphone Baby" "War and Peace: How to survive D Day" "Knit Yourself a New Heart: Knitting patterns for NC OW needing a new ticker" "How to rid yourself of your LS addiciton...forever" We're seriously missing out! We're going to be millionaires!!! It is a shame about resources for OW, and I'm sorry for being so lighthearted about it, but if you don't laugh you cry. To be honest, I haven't looked for too many resources since finding LS. Reading both the OW forum and the Infidelity forum has given me some great insights into my situation and let me share some of my story. If I hear of any resources, I'll post This is the funniest thing I have ever read... You go girl.
Author hardknocks Posted January 24, 2007 Author Posted January 24, 2007 all the books out there are for OW ;-) the list was pretty funny btw. One thing I was thinking that might be a bit different about being the OM versus the OW is that my MW's H is abusive and controlling. I think he is even physically intimidating at times. I think when she tells him things like she wants to leave then he has such a psychological hold on her that she backs down - he dominates her a bit in that manner - which may be a more likely scenario for a woman than a man. and complicating matters as being her OM and being a man - I wanted to protect her and support her and give her strength through tough times - kind of the 'man's' role I guess.. as twisted as that may sound.. in some strage way I felt I was doing the right thing by sticking by her.. until recently when I decided otherwise and thus nc now. but i still feel a little guilty - not being able to help - but then again who knows what she REALLY wanted.. I know what she said to me over and over - that it was me that she wanted.. but who knows what she told him. madness.. anyway thanks for the ideas and for listening. for now i will just substitue OW w/ OM.
serial muse Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 all the books out there are for OW ;-) the list was pretty funny btw. One thing I was thinking that might be a bit different about being the OM versus the OW is that my MW's H is abusive and controlling. I think he is even physically intimidating at times. I think when she tells him things like she wants to leave then he has such a psychological hold on her that she backs down - he dominates her a bit in that manner - which may be a more likely scenario for a woman than a man. and complicating matters as being her OM and being a man - I wanted to protect her and support her and give her strength through tough times - kind of the 'man's' role I guess.. as twisted as that may sound.. in some strage way I felt I was doing the right thing by sticking by her.. until recently when I decided otherwise and thus nc now. but i still feel a little guilty - not being able to help - but then again who knows what she REALLY wanted.. I know what she said to me over and over - that it was me that she wanted.. but who knows what she told him. madness.. anyway thanks for the ideas and for listening. for now i will just substitue OW w/ OM. Interesting...but if you read around a bit, you'll see that many MM tell their OW a similar story - that the W is controlling, throws fits, is emotionally abusive and/or cold, and so forth. The truth of those stories notwithstanding, I suspect there are more similarities than differences between MM and MW (and OW and OM).
freakygal78 Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I noticed a distinct lack of info for the OW and even less for the OM. Aaaaah!!! So many sites that address repairing a broken marriage or stitching up 'dat cheetin' no good mofo' with PIs or tracking software but nothing for the OW who really should be acknowledged as a person as well....just a thought....
Babybird Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I don't know that OM/OW would be listed on or in the divorce papers. Obviously there was an issue to begin with. The OM/OW just helped to push them in a direction. Whether the direction is right or wrong is all a matter of opinion. And you know what they say: Opinions are like @**holes, everybody's got one.
CarterAmeri Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Here again. Another person that believe you ( I mean this as a generalization of the OW ) , that you have nothing to do with the relationship between husband and wife. You ( again generalization ) take time away that could be spent with the wife and the family. You assist in the lieing to the family. You basically agree with his deciet and flandering. But here what is between the mm and the ow, is between them. and the relationship between mm and his WIFE is between them. Then stay out of a MM's life if that is how you ( again generalization) feel about it. Sorry , but I say things how I see it. It might sound harsh but the truth isnt always a bed of roses. Sometimes you encounter thorns. You don't have to be sorry for putting in your two cents... The relationship that OW has with MM is between OW and MM, and the relationship that the MM has with his wife is between them. I really do not think that all divorces are due soley to infedelity, there are other reasons. I am not condoning this type of relationship at all but the problems in the marriage existed far before there was another entity brought into it, generally speaking
Meaplus3 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 There's a million books to be written... "In the Mouth of Madness - the brain of a Married Man" "There's no prizes for second place: Being a OW and accepting it" "Separation sucks! How to date a MM through separation" "Communication Theory: Just Ring my Cellphone Baby" "War and Peace: How to survive D Day" "Knit Yourself a New Heart: Knitting patterns for NC OW needing a new ticker" "How to rid yourself of your LS addiciton...forever" We're seriously missing out! We're going to be millionaires!!! It is a shame about resources for OW, and I'm sorry for being so lighthearted about it, but if you don't laugh you cry. To be honest, I haven't looked for too many resources since finding LS. Reading both the OW forum and the Infidelity forum has given me some great insights into my situation and let me share some of my story. If I hear of any resources, I'll post "Knit Yourself a New Heart: Knitting patterns for NC OW needing a new ticker" Oh this is too funny, I like how you think! AP:)
Author hardknocks Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 if things were so cut and dry - so easy in the world, so black and white.. well then 50% of marriages wouldn't end in divorce and the rate for affairs being had by women wouldnt be equalling or surpassing men now. the truth of the matter is that when it comes to affairs and infidelity it is a terribly deep and complicated subject. and just for the record, i am a single man, never married that was aggressively persued by a MW. and i am not proud of it and i am not recoverred from the damage it has done to me. but what i have learned... is that there are, biological reasons that contributed, sociological reason, psychological reasons, my own personal reasons and even ethical issues at play when it comes to affairs. try to be objective and: do a little research on what happens to your body when you fall in love and the pain of withdrawl and why that occurs.. there are powerful forces within us that make us addicts to love - and as we all know chemical addictions are hard to break. look around at our culture and how it has changed. compare the women of today, the relationships of today versus even 20 years ago, 100 years ago and see what you think about how these factors are pushing people and how the reality of long term relationships has changed. think about all the psychological distortions that occur in a person's mind when it comes to love. some think this is possibly their last shot at real love, that maybe this person is the one they were meant to be with and that should be worth fighting for. think about the self esteem issues, the fear, the paranoia, the anxiety, the phobias and how this could contribute to the problem. and the ethical issues that pit a person's belief in caring versus honesty. as well as many others. these factors and more create a swirling mess of confusion that can't be labeled easily or stopped by some just say 'no' campaign. if it were that easy.. we wouldn't be here... and if it were that easy i wouldn't be spending my time looking for resources to help me understand what the hell just happened to me and two years of my life. and judge not....
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 if things were so cut and dry - so easy in the world, so black and white.. well then 50% of marriages wouldn't end in divorce and the rate for affairs being had by women wouldnt be equalling or surpassing men now. the truth of the matter is that when it comes to affairs and infidelity it is a terribly deep and complicated subject. and just for the record, i am a single man, never married that was aggressively persued by a MW. and i am not proud of it and i am not recoverred from the damage it has done to me. but what i have learned... is that there are, biological reasons that contributed, sociological reason, psychological reasons, my own personal reasons and even ethical issues at play when it comes to affairs. try to be objective and: do a little research on what happens to your body when you fall in love and the pain of withdrawl and why that occurs.. there are powerful forces within us that make us addicts to love - and as we all know chemical addictions are hard to break. look around at our culture and how it has changed. compare the women of today, the relationships of today versus even 20 years ago, 100 years ago and see what you think about how these factors are pushing people and how the reality of long term relationships has changed. think about all the psychological distortions that occur in a person's mind when it comes to love. some think this is possibly their last shot at real love, that maybe this person is the one they were meant to be with and that should be worth fighting for. think about the self esteem issues, the fear, the paranoia, the anxiety, the phobias and how this could contribute to the problem. and the ethical issues that pit a person's belief in caring versus honesty. as well as many others. these factors and more create a swirling mess of confusion that can't be labeled easily or stopped by some just say 'no' campaign. if it were that easy.. we wouldn't be here... and if it were that easy i wouldn't be spending my time looking for resources to help me understand what the hell just happened to me and two years of my life. and judge not.... Well said!
freakygal78 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Here again. Another person that believe you ( I mean this as a generalization of the OW ) , that you have nothing to do with the relationship between husband and wife. You ( again generalization ) take time away that could be spent with the wife and the family. You assist in the lieing to the family. You basically agree with his deciet and flandering. The way I see it is - if a husband is actively involved with another woman, he doesn't really want to spend time at home with his wife and family - not condoning it - just stating the obvious. If the OW were to exit the situation, do you not think the MM would not still be tempted by that cute young chick in the office or the shop assistant or by a lone woman in the hotel bar on a business trip? Whether it's a flaw in the marriage or a H wanting a bit of middle-age validation they will seek it out regardless. I guess you have to look at it in the same vein as - if hookers didn't exist MM would not have extra-marital dalliances....it sounds ludicrous from this point of view...
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