daisydo Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I had a dream last night that was really strange. I have been talking with the ex lately and I wanted to tell him about this dream but instead I'm going to post it here. I had a dream we were getting married. He showed up to the wedding at the last minute and was intoxicated. His father made a speech that had nothing to with the wedding and it made us both feel uncomfortable. When we stood up to say something - nothing of substance came out of our mouths. I introduced him to my mother and I could tell she was uncomfortable and ran off right after. After the wedding I called him because I was out with friends ice skating. He was out with his friends and said he wouldn't be home that night and was staying over at his friends' house. It brought up a lot of the issues that we had in our relationship. I guess I am scared that if I do decide to give him another chance, the same things will happen. He has told me that if I come back to him he will marry me. I recently told him I need time (at least 6 months) to sort my own person out. He was really upset but told me he would wait - however long it takes - 30 years, whatever. I am just scared that nothing will change - although I think most of the problems stemmed from me being unable to express my needs and bring up any problems that occurred in the relationship. I am also conflicted because I know my family doesn't really want me to be with him. They think I should be with someone who makes a lot of money (he is a chef, artist and musician).. but I value other qualities more than income. I am feeling so stressed out right now. I just don't even want to think about it but apparently it is all cropping up in my dreams. My dreams are so literal sometimes .. It's like a slap in the face announcing everything that I am thinking.
Walk Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I had a dream we were getting married. He showed up to the wedding at the last minute and was intoxicated. His father made a speech that had nothing to with the wedding and it made us both feel uncomfortable. When we stood up to say something - nothing of substance came out of our mouths. I introduced him to my mother and I could tell she was uncomfortable and ran off right after. Your dream sounded like you understand there's a lack of real communication. That you talk, but it isn't about the important stuff. Not coming to any real understanding to resolve problems, just a lot of fluff. And it leaves you feeling uncomfortable with the situation. Basically, It sounds like you aren't talking to your bf about what's really worrying you. He's not able to give you any concrete communication in return. Why not tell him what's really bothering you, and see what he says? I've found that when people honestly change and grow they'll have reasons and understanding of what occured that consist of more than "I won't do that again I promise". They can verbalize the thought process as to why they acted how they did, the underlying reasons, and what has changed within themselves that has changed the behavior. If they can't do that, even after you've asked question after question, then they haven't changed... they're just telling you what you want to hear so they can get what they want. Personally, and you don't have to take this advice... I think trying again with an ex is setting yourself up for failure. There has to be a level of communication that reaches beyond the normal new bf/gf. There are old wounds that have to be patched, old understandings that have to be re-hashed. Both of you have to be willing to invest twice as much as you should have in order to repair the relationship to par with the average relationship. If you feel you can't ask for what you need, and you can't talk to him about what's really worrying you, then there's no use in attempting to re-establish a relationship with him. It'll fail. Chances of both of you falling back into old habits and behaviors are incredibly high. Good intentions won't stop that.. it'll take a lot of effort and hard work.
Author daisydo Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 Thank you for the response. I agree with a lot of what you said. I am going through a very rough time right now and I appreciate your perspective.
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I am also conflicted because I know my family doesn't really want me to be with him. Not their choice, it's yours. They think I should be with someone who makes a lot of money (he is a chef, artist and musician).. but I value other qualities more than income. Boy, aren't they shallow? They'd rather you be where the $$ is than where your love is. Isn't that sad? I am feeling so stressed out right now. I just don't even want to think about it but apparently it is all cropping up in my dreams. My dreams are so literal sometimes .. It's like a slap in the face announcing everything that I am thinking. Dreams as I have found is merely the subconcious thoughts that are bothering you making their way forward when you're sleeping. I don't put much thought into dreams unless they involve God. Then I pay attention
Recommended Posts