begood2urself Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 AAARRRGGGHHH! I am freaking out today. I don't know why! I recently started a relationship with a wonderful woman that I am developing feelings for. I haven't been in a relationship in the past 2 years, not for lack of opportunity, but because my last relationship was super-codependent and it messed me up for a while. So, I am really happy with this woman, she is smart, beautiful, sweet, CONSIDERATE! and just an all around great person. I feel really lucky that we are together. For the first time in my life I am trying to not be a co-dependent person (read controlling,) which means I am keeping healthy boundries, I am not spending all my time with her, and she has not become THE priority in my life. It feels really healthy but IT SCARES THE SH*T OUT OF ME! I think it's because I am surrendering control and I have never been in a relationship where I "am not in control." My friends tell me that it's ok that I am FEELING crazy because I am not ACTING crazy. make sense? My GF tells me that she likes me a lot, that for her, this is the first time she does not feel obssessed/controlling of the person she is dating as well. She tells me that she likes the way our relationship is going. And so do I.... So why do I feel so freaked out? I think I still have some fears that she may not like me or leave me or something ridicolous like that! Help!
norajane Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 If you fear she doesn't like you, that's insecurity. Because you're feeling out of control, you feel more vulnerable...that's where insecurity comes from. Get out and do some physical activity and burn off that intense energy. And enjoy your relationship!
dropdeadlegs Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I can relate. The funny thing about codependency is that I only THOUGHT I was in control when in my experience the actual "control" was held by my partner. It's hard to accept a healthier relationship at first because you are accustomed to something different. I had many of the same feelings you are having in the beginning of my current relationship, but I adjusted. And my partner is very good about lots of contact and everything, I just obsessed about him at first because I was a mess. He calls me on a Saturday that we don't spend together to tell me he is going to WalMart! He has a cell phone and always answers it, but thinks it is courteous to tell me of his whereabouts. That was so different I was skeptical at first, like it was proactive info so I wouldn't call him or something. He's just a nice courteous man and I'd never had that before. If he will be getting off work late, he will almost always call me and tell me so. If he stops to have a beer or two with friends, he will call me. We don't live together, but he knows that he calls me on his way home, so if he stops he still calls me so I won't worry. That is so much more decent than what I was accustomed to. I was used to complete disappearing acts from husbands! Enjoy a healthy relationship. I can't ever go back, now.
magda Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 The beginning of relationships always take that leap of faith. You can't develop a deep relationship without being vulnerable, and it takes trust to feel comfortable being vulnerable - but trust takes time to build. So you're just stepping out into the unknown and it's scary! Just try not to overthink it.
Storyrider Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 You're feeling crazy b/c you're not doing your old rituals and habits. Kind of like you gave up your security blanket. Or like you quit smoking. Stick it out!!!
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