Santiago 17 Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I switched over from second chances b/c I think I am better suited here. I am just tired of even thinking about what happened between my ex and I. It has been too long to dwell on things. I know that part of the reason is because it took me so long to really do the NC thing but it still sucks. I even messed up and contacted her last week (after not calling for months) b/c the people at the gym told me that her account was still being used when I went in, and she knows she isn't supposed to use it b/c I have to pay for it. I couldn't help it (I gave in after about an hour) I called and left her a message (nothing bad just letting her know), of course she called right back and swears they are lying and then apologizes (for what if she didn't do it), her tone of voice was so lame (a fake sincerity) it reminded me of the break-up and when I could tell she was lying to me.... Anyways, this really needs to be totally over, I am so tired of even thinking about it. V-day will be hard b/c I know she is already totally in love w/ some new guy, and I won't lie I am jealous not of him but of her (and everybody else like her) b/c they are able to just forget about things and replace love so easily. What really sucks is that I had never been really in love and now I feel like I am missing something that has to be replaced. Anyways, I know I have gotten a lot better. I guess I am just looking to be what I was before I met her which may never happen?
daisydo Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Certain experiences can change us forever - it is up to you to decide how you want this relationship to affect you. From your post I am gathering that you still feel quite a bit of hostility and resentment regarding the relationship. Although you say you are feeling fine you are still expressing some hostility towards the situation. Is it fair to say that your goal in "getting over this" is complete neutrality towards her and the relationship? The first thing to work on is expelling the hostile emotions in a productive way. Posting on LS is a good way to do that, writing it out in a journal, writing a piece of poetry, fiction or composing a song, having a rant with a good friend etc. Afterwards, try to focus your energies on something positive and uplifting. Also it is helpful to not cast sweeping generalizations over any group of people because what she may have done. Everyone is unique and many times you may not know the entire story. I know it can feel good to be bitter but this type of attitude only harms you in the long run. Good luck and take care.
Author Santiago 17 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 I am not really hostile or bitter all the time, I actually just want to get totally over it. I don't know why things happened the way they did. Actually, last contact we both told each other how great we thought we were in our own way and wished each other the best of luck (She is not a horrible person, just not right for me). It was sincere from me at that time, but sometimes I hear about things or find things out (we still have a lot of common ties) and I do get a little bitter (maybe a way of coping?) but that subsides, and as far as the being jealous of her it is not bitterness I really wish I wasn't so emotional and serious about stuff I really envy people who can just have a good time or at least fake it if that is what they are doing! Thanks for calling me on my bitterness though I can go there sometimes!
daisydo Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I am not really hostile or bitter all the time, I actually just want to get totally over it. I don't know why things happened the way they did. Actually, last contact we both told each other how great we thought we were in our own way and wished each other the best of luck (She is not a horrible person, just not right for me). It was sincere from me at that time, but sometimes I hear about things or find things out (we still have a lot of common ties) and I do get a little bitter (maybe a way of coping?) but that subsides, and as far as the being jealous of her it is not bitterness I really wish I wasn't so emotional and serious about stuff I really envy people who can just have a good time or at least fake it if that is what they are doing! Thanks for calling me on my bitterness though I can go there sometimes! I can guarantee you that those people who just go out and have a good time are suffering quietly to themselves. There are very few people in the world who get away with feeling zero emotions or are so adept at suppressing them that they go through life breezily. Those people are most likely not emotionally or psychologically stable. It is uncomfortable to feel negative emotions - but as long as you express them in a productive and non-disruptive way - there is nothing to be ashamed about. Always counter the expression of these feelings with something positive and uplifting. It is very important to not just ignore your negative feelings - they will only build up inside and fester. IMO the most important thing is to express your negative feelings and replace them with positive emotions. This will stave off any bitterness you could feel in the long run. Good luck!
Author Santiago 17 Posted January 24, 2007 Author Posted January 24, 2007 I agree with you about not suppressing negative emotions, and people have actually always told me that they wish they could express how they feel like I do. However, I believe that at times my emotions (which are usually fear and worries) get in the way of my life b/c they can be so overwhelming (Work, Relationships, Life in general). I wish that there were just some way to turn them off or at least down a little sometimes!
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