hopeto Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Hey to all. I am posting because I have went to the attonery and have at least started the divorce. Bad thing is I dont want it!!!! I know what he has done is not right and I know that he does not love me, but that does not stop the love I have for him. I just want to walk up to him, hug him and tell him how much he means to me even what he has done to me. I miss him!!!!!! I dont want my daughter to go through this. I DONT want to go through this. He is my world and I love him!!!! I look at him and I just am dieing inside. He does not love me!!! he even said he hated me, but I am hurting so bad. I even have a place to go or to rent but I just dont see life without him. I need to know if there were men that felt this way towards there wife and after the divorce they see how much they really do love her and come back. Is there someone that can tell me that he will miss me and will miss being a family. I would live in misery just to be with him and just be lost just to be with him. that is how much I love him. My daughter does not want to live without either of us. she is 6 and she is already feeling the hurt. she asks me questions all the time and some I could not answer so I told her to talk to her daddy and he yelled at her, hurt her feelings so much that she came in the room crying. He told her to tell me to leave her out of it when she was asking me questions. Why do I have the bad guy!!! why do I have to do all the explanning?? Why cant he sit and tell her, her answers? I just want to lay beside him and just huge him. I miss his smell and I miss having him sleep next to me. even if he did not touch me I still miss him. Please, all I have been doing is crying. tell me that it will get better. we are losing our home, my daughter will have to go to a new school and leave her teacher she is so found of and may even go through losing most of the animals. I am so scared she is going to be scared for life. I promised that if I ever had a child she would not have to go through missing her daddy and that she would have her mother and father and not be in a broken home. I know how it affected me growing up and now my baby girl is going to be effected the same way. GOD my heart is breaking and he does not care at all. I just want to hold his hands and look at his eyes and say I love you!!! I want him to just see the hurt I am having, but he is so cold he would not care. some say why would you want to live like that.....I LOVE HIM. I have prayed that GOD touched his heart and show him what true love is. LOVE 1. IT is always thinking of your spouse. weather you are shopping for food or for clothes or what ever. even if it is a candy bar it still lets him know I was thinking of him. 2. it is going to the store for cough medicine or any medicine at 12midnight or even later. 3. it is to be with him and him only. 4. it is to want to end the day and go home just to see him even if you had the worst fight that morning. 5. it is to take up for him when ever you hear anyone spout off at the mouth about him or how he is. 6. that I never think of me it is him. I do with out so he could have and so I could buy for him. just to see his face light up. 7. to just feel his arms around me and know he is my soul mate. 8. to share the most precious gift of all. our child. 9. to do what ever it took to just have his child. (I went through 10yrs of infertility. needles glore)so that he could see his eyes and know it was love. 10. to hurt when he is hurting. 11. to panic for him instead of him panicing. 12. try to take loads off him when he is bound and tied with worries. 13. to reather die than live without him. 14. to know my world would be over without him. 15. just to love him, when he was never loved 16. to live in a broke down shack and scrap for food but as long as we are together it will be ok. 17. for your heart to sink when he says he hates you. I know this is so long but I am about to have a break down. some days I am strong and some I am so weak like today. I just wished he loved me and knew what it was like to really love someone and have your heart ripped out and then have to try to pick the tiny pieces not only for yourself but for your child that is going to miss him most of all.
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