RocketMan2 Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Here's a question for all you agony aunts/uncles... When someone's treated someone badly, through immaturity/inconsideration/selfishness/naiveity, do they ever realise it and regret it? Those of you who are awake may detect that yes, my ex has spurred me to ask this question. However its not because I want her back, dont you worry Im just looking for others' stories or experiences here out of curiosity. I guess i want to know if she'll ever feel bad and regret what she did, and feel even a slight amount of the pain she caused me. Now thats not what I'm like, i'm not one for revenge, (well, i did once - theres a funny story about that for another time, ask me ). I've always been the bigger person , im just asking now out of interest really, theres no malice behind this. For ages i couldnt understand how she was doing what she was to me, without realising the consequences of her actions. However I can now see that its part of exactly the same problem, her inability to show even the slightest consideration for anyone else. Has anyone here ever done a similar thing and then regretted it later? Has anyone had it done to them? Do you reckon she'll be like this for ever or do people tend to have epiphonies? What goes through a regretters head? Questions!!!! Thoughts appreciated
lovelorcet Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 You can pretty much assume that she does not regret anything and is enjoying getting nailed by some other dude at the moment. So stop thinking about it and just take care of yourself...
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 You can pretty much assume that she does not regret anything and is enjoying getting nailed by some other dude at the moment. So stop thinking about it and just take care of yourself... Lol i know, im not thinking about it like that. It was hard for me to express my tone in just writing. Im not sitting here worrying going "oo will she ever regret???" Im just casually asking, and interested in others' stories I've grown up a lot in this past month, I've learned a lot from everyone here. Im just interested in continuing to learn about people and relationships
jusified Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 HAhah thats harsh but funny. Well i know what Rocketman is asking/thinking. But I agree that it really desn't matter, I think its more important to focus on your own life and before you know it you will find someone great for yourself and your ex who treated you bad is just a hobag that you were glad you didnt have to spend more time with.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 without realising the consequences of her actions. What are the consequences of her actions ?
jusified Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 the consequences of her actions is that it hurts rocktman....but somehow i dont think she gives a sh*t. Like alot of ex's, they usually dont give a Sh*t
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 I know she doesnt, and i dont care about her! Im just asking, what are peoples experiences with regrets? I dont want her to have any for my/our sake, i couldnt care less if she dropped dead. Im just casually asking in general
lovelorcet Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I am just trying to make the point that it doesn't matter what the answer is you won't like it. That's the thing with a new Ex no matter what they do it always feels like a kick in the balls. So the best thing to do is put a cup on and don't stand in front of them with your legs open... That is why NC is so important.
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 Thanks for the advice lovelorcet, i do appreciate it, but I obviously havent made my point very well, you dont seem to understand what im asking Im not very good at writing what im thinking I dont give even the slightest care what shes upto now, this thread has nothing to do with me having any feelings of any kind of my ex. Im just interested to learn from other people what they've experienced on the topic of regrets I was just kinda expecting some replies like "well i think that she will regret it in a few years, its just immaturity" or "nah shes a twisted b*tch, she'll never change, all her female relatives are the same". Never mind
lovelorcet Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I understand very well what you are trying to get at and I think you are just trying to rationalize your question now. You have said it yourself, you WANT to hear that either: 1. She will regret it, because that will make you feel better (ie her loss) 2. She is a selfish b*tch, because that will make you feel better (ie you could do better) The problem with this is that you are still concentrating on HER and not on YOU. You are the only one how can in the end make yourself feel better.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Maybe the relationship wasn't meant to be or maybe she felt that you were not the right one for her. Is she allowed to make that decision ? or should she continue to be in a relationship that hurts you forever.. Maybe she does realize the consequences of her actions and chose to end the relationship as the fix. Not everyone has the same fixes for the same problems. Regret ? she might.. but it doesn't change the outcome
Motor35 Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I know she doesnt, and i dont care about her! Im just asking, what are peoples experiences with regrets? I dont want her to have any for my/our sake, i couldnt care less if she dropped dead. Im just casually asking in general I have had regrets regarding a relationship. When I had those (and still have some) regrets, I beat myself up over it for a long time. I think my regrets are different than the type of regret you might be asking about. My regrets are me wishing I had done something that I didn't do (regret of inaction). I think the regret you are asking about is involving guilt and shame. Someday, she might feel some regret. I wouldn't count on it though.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 When I was 8 years old I shot at and killed a bird with a BB Gun. Even today I remember the regret I felt at the time for doing that.. But I just moved on with life as if nothing happened because in the big scheme of things regret has no place except in our minds.. Previous regret might stop us from making a mistake in the future but by in large we all just live with the regret of making mistakes.. It is called LIFE...
LaughMachine Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Wow some very blunt responses haha. Some people might not look back and feel any guilt or shame for your hurt, or any of the hurt they've bestowed on anyone. For some, many years later will look back, and feel guilty ... for if their actions were different they could be at a better point in life. It's probaly alot worse to feel guilty about something years later rather than feeling it at the moment because than the moments gone forever and you can't do anything about it. You can never predict how someone will feel and you can never assume that others will feel the same way you do. Many people change through out life, who they are now may not be who they are to come in years. Which can be either good or bad, your pick...whatever helps the sadness... I never really did that much hurtful things to anyone but I've only been here 18 years...I'm sure there will be alot of looking back on my behalf and hopefully will never feel bad for doing something...but I'm sure I will..
shockandawed Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Morning Rocket, I think I get what you are asking here. I would say it varies person to person but my experiences are they do at some point regret it. I have been "screwed over" three times in life, basic summaries below. Ex-wife-Married 18 years, became dull, loveless, in a rut, etc, as much my fault as hers, I didn't put anything into it. We were involved with our kids and was happy in every other area. Long lost high school boyfriend tracks her down on internet, they begin corresponding and you know what happens. She feels like she has been reunited with the true love of her life. I was just an 18 year rebound, lol..get divorced, very civil, friendly, work together for the kids, etc...about a year later, she realizes why she broke up with him in the first place, dumps him and does everything in her power to get me back. Calls, comes overs, admits guilt and true love, even ex sex, she even went into major counseling ...very tempting but I had moved on. But I respected her for coming clean, it was good closure. We talk all the time now. Nothing more, but I care greatly for her. She knows my current story and invited me to have Christmas dinner with her family. Nice time. High School Girlfriend- We dated for about a year and half in early 80s. First true loves..Great relationship until she graduates high school a year before me. Well once she starts college, she finds better opportunities than a high school senior, can't blame her. Breaks up by leaving town for Thanksgiving weekend with a co worker of mine. I find out from roommate when I go over to see her...but guess what, I don't speak to her for 24 years..no kidding, this fall, she sends me an email completely out of the blue, blows my mind. I realize that if she had done this to me when I was married, I would have been the bad one, completely understand what the ex wife went through now. We exchange correspondence and phone calls, seems like old times, she is reading her diaries from back then to me, etc....and of course she is vehemently apologizing for everything that happened. So, yes it took her 24 years, but she regretted it. She was also doing everything in her power to get us to hook up. Luckily, she lives about 1000 miles from here. We did go out over the holidays. Kind of cool, but we are different people now. Plus, there is no way I could make a LDR work. And, I was still way too depressed over my fiance, she didn't stand a chance. So Rocket, in my experiences, they do regret it and try to rectify. Obviously I am only 2 for 3 at this time, but I have a feeling at some point I will at least get the apology call. It just may be at my nursing home, lol!!!
shockandawed Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Another area I got to thinking here, was if I regret anything. Wow, I never really thought about this, but I have realized if I dump, it is always early or within a few months. Every relationship I have had longer than a year, I get dumped. Granted it is only been three. I honestly have no regrets. Everyone I have broken up with, was done fairly proper. If I wanted to break up, I just did. I didn't go out and find someone else first or create useless drama. But like I said, I tend to jump early. If I stay on, I tend to get dumped.
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 Morning Rocket, I think I get what you are asking here. Thanks for the response. Thats the kinda thing i was after Thanks for everyone elses responses too, I understand your points, they were helpful I'm sorry i'm too dyslexic to write things how I mean them
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 But like I said, I tend to jump early. If I stay on, I tend to get dumped. I'm just trying to think what that means... You obviously dump early because you've found things you dont like about that person. Its when you really like them that you stick with them, then they screw you over!
DyingHeart Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Another area I got to thinking here, was if I regret anything. Wow, I never really thought about this, but I have realized if I dump, it is always early or within a few months. Every relationship I have had longer than a year, I get dumped. Granted it is only been three. I honestly have no regrets. Everyone I have broken up with, was done fairly proper. If I wanted to break up, I just did. I didn't go out and find someone else first or create useless drama. But like I said, I tend to jump early. If I stay on, I tend to get dumped. The short term relationships, I always ended, and usually on good terms, before things started to get serious. Long term relationships...heh, I'm the one getting dumped. I dated a guy before my current ex fiance and we lasted a little over a year. I was maybe 17 at the time. He dumped me out of the blue and I was of course devistated. It took me a year to get over him. And, a couple of years ago, he saw me and commented to one of our mutual friends that he regrets dumping me and he would want another chance. Now this was maybe 7 years later. I was with my ex fiance and I had no intentions of even talking to him after the pain he caused. Now my ex fiance has some regrets now. Sigh, I wish he would make up his mind though. I'd gladly go back to him, as he has not really done anything wrong in our relationship. I never regreted dumping anyone because they were so short term, I barely knew them. Though, I know if it were the other way around with my recent brake up, I would regret it terribly. hugs, Chrissi
The Lost Boy Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 I can say that those who hurt you will regret what they did. it may not be today, may not be tomorrow, but someday they'll come to their senses and regret their actions. he/she might not be devastated by it though, but they will certainly regret. take my latest experience; my last relationship ended because of my stupid immaturity, and I can tell you the regrets came in hard and fast. and in the end there was nothing else I could do to make it up. so, yes he/she will regret their actions, if that person has a conscience that is. any quality of regrets that you're looking for specifically rocketman?
V._Confuzzled Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 I can say that those who hurt you will regret what they did. it may not be today, may not be tomorrow, but someday they'll come to their senses and regret their actions. I would have to say i dont really agree. I've hurt my ex-girlfriend by telling her i didnt want to be together anymore. Sure i felt bad for causing her pain, but i didnt regret what i did. I would've have regretted my actions more if i'd stayed in a relationship that my heart wasnt really in .
Recommended Posts