bleedinghrt Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I have been dating a man for 2.5 years, living together for 2 and we jsut had a daughter Nov 7th. We have a somewhat open relationship. Let me explain, he enjoys watching, knowing or participating with me and another man. He is not Bi but has a thing for knowing his woman is enjoying herself sexually. When we met I was very open to this kind of thinking, I stated at the time that I would be involved as long as he did not have sex with other people. That is knowing or watching me turned him on that would be fine but it doesnt nothing for me to watch him actually the idea breaks my heart. Well we were going along just great, I mean I really thought that I met the right one for me. We had so much fun together with everything we did even if it was nothing. Then i stubled across some stuff on the internet, Him talking with other women setting up meeting for sex with them, watching them on cams. At one point he even bad mouthed me to this woman so that he could see if she would have sex with him . Now he swears that he never met any of these women but was just messing around. Personally I think that it was a way for him to boost his own ego. None the less it HURT and hurt bad. This woman that he bad mouthed me to, he told her that I was really very good looking and he that I was cool to hang out with as a friend but never in a relationship with. At this point I should of ran, but i was an idiot and stayed. A few months later I read a post he made on a message board about how he is dating an "older" woman and it is going great but he really misses looking at the younger ones. and that his friends shouldnt be jealous of him cuz there is nothing to be jealous of. Again I should of ran. The point of that background is that this has put major doubt in my head about how attracted he really is tto me, I feel so insecure about my body my looks and jsut about everything there is about me. I worry all the time that I am not what he wants and he will go looking else where. He is not a very good communicator and doesnt have a romantic bone in his body. But I do really love him, hes a GREAT father, and good friend a kind person, funny. But is loving him enough when I dont trust him at all? I find myself going crazy checking message boards and his yahoo accounts which if he really wanted to do something he would just get another name, he works nights at a shop and is the only one there so he spend about 8 straight hours on teh computer. I have talked to him and kicked hjim out many times but he always comes back and I take him back. But I am growing so tired of acting like the crazy gf, not being happy always doubting myself. I mean some days I want to just get in teh car and drive it into a wall. I would never take my own life. But Im tired of hurting im tired of crying I am just so tired and do not know what to do. Our daughter was born with downs syndrome and I cant work now. The state helps to support her but its not nearly enough to live on. I need some advice.
Author bleedinghrt Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 Okay I'm feeling rejected here too... Okay I will shut my mouth
Mythical Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Hey, I see that no one is saying anything. I don't really have any advise because I would be beyond hurt and insucure if i hade to deal with that. I think you should leave him what he is doing to you is horrible. Doesn't seem like he has that many good qualities and you mentioned. I hope thigns work out you deserve to be happy living inseucre and constantly worrrying is defiently the worst thing I have eve experiecned and im sure it is for you too im sorry you deserve respect
norajane Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 None the less it HURT and hurt bad. At this point I should of ran, but i was an idiot and stayed. Again I should of ran. this has put major doubt in my head I feel so insecure I worry all the time I find myself going crazy I am growing so tired of acting like the crazy gf, not being happy always doubting myself. Im tired of hurting im tired of crying I am just so tired But is loving him enough when I dont trust him at all? I think you know what you need to do. No, loving him isn't enough. He needs to love you, and his love needs to include loyalty, care, and honesty. Our daughter was born with downs syndrome and I cant work now. The state helps to support her but its not nearly enough to live on. Even if you leave him, he is still responsible for child support payments. You can arrange that with a lawyer and through the courts. DO IT and find your happiness elsewhere. There are many men out there who are more worthy of your love.
Author bleedinghrt Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 Thank you for your responses. Yes I have been divorced with two boys that are now 16 and 19 and now all about support payments. I do deserve better I know that. Here I go making excuses for him but this is a huge step and want to MAKE SURE that I am doing the right thing. He came from a family that really didnt know how to love or to show love, so when I think of this I cant blame him. Im not blaming him I just dont think he has what it takes to make me happy. I guess I just need reassurance that IM not just a crazy jealous gf that my concerns and worrys are valid. He says that those things were 2.5 years ago he has said he was sorry and explained them to me that I should forget them. But I cant I want to .. God I want to foget the things he has said and done i want to trust him .. How do you learn to trust someone again .. I told him to leave today and when I came home he was gone with my daughter. Im so scared I called and he is at his mothers house but this is the first time he has gone out with her alone and forgot her diaper bag. Is he coming home? I dont know .. I am feeling so anxious
norajane Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Why would he run away with your daughter? You learn to trust someone only through their actions. How is he treating you? Do his words match with his actions? Does he live up to his promises? Is he where he says he will be? Does he do the things he says he will do? How is he making you feel? Does he listen to you, comfort you, treat you like you are special to him? If you can't trust him, it will eat you alive from the inside out. It's making you wonder if he will leave and take your daughter from you. Is that how you want to live?
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