rab5 Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I'm 37 she is 21 and we broke up after 2 years. I was warned about falling for a girl that is 16 years younger than me but things happen. We live in a small town where we run into each other too much for comfort. At the beginning she was very persistant chasing me and I kept my distance but eventually gave in. We hooked up one night and became boyfriend / girlfriend to my reluctance a couple of months later. I was told she is probably going to go through some changes and you are in a dangerous position if you fall for her. I think that was always in the back of my mind but I stopped seeing it for myself. I was very distant and did little to nurture this relationship. Before you think I'm nuts, this girl carries herself like she is ten year older than she is. Although there are the young girl behaviors with closer observation. For example, cell phone blitzes with her friends, enough to drive anyone crazy. But, she was much more mature than her friends and fell for her I did before I lost my logic and reason. I never told her much that I love her, I missed her when on the road or anything to ease her insecurity. Besides that I subconsciously did every thing end this relationship. Not go to her parents house, not make dinner dates, flowers. We had a sit down and I said I don't want to get married and I don't know what I want. I did want to plan a future though. All I had to do was say a few things, do a few things to keep it going but always seemed to feel like I was pushing her away. Maybe it was my better judgement burried deep below fighting to do what was right, I don't know. She said we need to talk, she's not happy (duh) and told me she needs some time to think and I need to think if want to be in this relationship. SHe said she is only asking for minor changes and wasn't sure how much time she needed. Two weeks later she says," I'm not sure if I want a relationship now because of school, internship and We need to work on our own happiness, etc.. That's when my heart dropped out of my chest. I knew it was over and that was just a attempt at an easy break it off. We would talk every other day, go for breakfast, lunch once a week, than twice a week, than once a week and now no contact which I expected. My family members who council me say don't make any contact. The problem is I never got to say what was in my heart, but now thinking I was doing the right thing, giving here space, and feel I've let the window close. I want to tell her of my plans for the future with her. That I want to be engaged to be engaged and when she gets some through school take the next step. But I never gave this communication to her before and she would probably go into shock. It's no one's fault but mine. I tried to set a dinner date to tell her this two weeks ago against recommendations, she agreed than blew me off. She called me two days later to invite me to hang out with her and mutual friends, so I did like a desparate idiot not asking why I was disregarded. She asked if we could do some arrands together and I, of course, made my self available and than she blew me off again. I will not make any contact after this but it kills me to not lay the card on the table. It would appear that It wasn't meant for me to tell her my thoughts. And, again, it's my fault for not doing it when I could. I feel I was afraid of the apparent inevitable demise of this relationship and I let it destroy it all. I thought I would email her my thoughts but my advisors stronger disagreed of this idea so I held out. I love her very much and miss her more than I thought was in my capabilities. I want her back more than anything but I know our paths are not alligned and I'm trying to move on. Key word -trying- and feeling like it's getting worse and not any better. I'm now in and out of angry mode feel like telling her to go take a leap when I see her but I hope I don't. Just so heartbroken it kills me. It's pretty obvious that she needs to experiece life more but I feel if we had a year or two ahead of now we could be really great together but the chances are up to fate and out of my control completely. Absolutely, the most painful thing I've ever felt. Does anyone have any simular situations?
daisydo Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 You have a lot of different emotions going on. You feel upset because you regret not being completely honest when you were with her in the first place. You also regret not doing the little things to sustain the relationship. Now that it is over you both want her back and want to move on. You also feel angry towards her but still have loving feelings at the same time. You are also annoyed that she has blown you off but yet you expected this to happen. You are heartbroken that this relationship has slipped through your fingers. It is a common scenario. The first thing I would look at is your conflicting emotions. Which feels strongest? You say that two or three years down the line you could see things working out. How would you get to that point? I honestly think you have a firm grip on the situation but are just having difficulties wrestling the conflicting emotions inside of you. It is understandable. I would begin to focus your attention on reaching a point in which you would feel absolutely comfortable moving on with minimal regrets. It is your safest bet in my opinion. Good luck and take care.
Recommended Posts