moxie95 Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I started seeing this girl when I was still in a relationship of 5 yrs. played both sides for a week or two, but before we got together the first relationship was on the way out. to sum things up we where great a ton of fun in every part of our lifes.It was hard to break off ties with the exgirl because we bought a house together alot of finance ties so we had to talk about those things, well early in our relationship she caught me together with my ex talked and work it out. two years went buy in that time I would tell her lies about what time I would be home said I was with a customer and had to stay late. but what I was doing was going out with the guys to have a few beer. this went on for a year or so. i knew it was wrong and still did it not all the time but a few months would pass not lying and would do it again. and buy the way a month after we got together she told me she we were having a baby, I was pumped. our son is now 16 months old the light of my life and had another laps of lying and now she has had a it she has moved out with our son I have asked her to go to therapist together and she has refused said she has tryed for a year to work it out and my actions said somthing diffrent and said that she was sorry that I want it now and she does'nt. how do I get her back. Im going to a therapoist now to work out my behaveral patterns
norajane Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Keep in contact with her - you obviously will be seeing your son often. But don't talk to her about getting back together. Keep your conversations casual. Let her know you're going to therapy, but don't discuss it or use it try to get her back. Just let her know you're going. Maybe, after you've made some progress in therapy and truly have an understanding of why you did so much sneaking around, you can share some of your insights with her. She may be willing to listen to you when she sees how seriously you are working on this in therapy.
D-Lish Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 The bottom line is that actions speak louder than words. You can tell her you've changed until you are blue in the face- but after having had given you a second chance, I suspect she is going to be skeptical about what you have to say. You are going to have to show her the progress. The only way you can do this is by being patient. Be responsible with visitation- show up when you say, and follow through with what you promise. If you do make progress with therapy- she will see it. Whatever you do- don't pressure. Don't talk about how much things will be different, how much you've changed. Those promises will seem empty to her at this point.
Author moxie95 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 thank u thing are very tuff we just bought a house well in my name which does't matter for us and our son they mean the world to me and I just want them back in my life compeletly she has moved in with her fathers house. this weekend my dad and buddy of mine ask me to go snowmobileing with them I told her and she was upset because I get our son friday and sunday. I thougth it would be a good thing to get my mind off things but she is a little mad about it what do I do
daisydo Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 thank u thing are very tuff we just bought a house well in my name which does't matter for us and our son they mean the world to me and I just want them back in my life compeletly she has moved in with her fathers house. this weekend my dad and buddy of mine ask me to go snowmobileing with them I told her and she was upset because I get our son friday and sunday. I thougth it would be a good thing to get my mind off things but she is a little mad about it what do I do You said that your ex and your son are the most important things in your life. Think about that statement and then follow through.
Author moxie95 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 I have chosen not to go with my dad and friend that it not a go time to run away from the my problems and not to forget them
Author moxie95 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 today we switched cars so I could get her car serviced that I bought to drive my son around in when we switched back we hugged and she cryed a little what does this mean she makes no comments about us just says have a good day at work what do i say or do anything??
MotherGooze Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 She 's havng a hard time coping. But ou must understand that you were the one lying and you broke the trust, which is one of the most important things in a relationship. Sorry to be this blunt. Like D-lish said, actions speak louder then words, and for the time being I suggest you keep things calm, support her and your son anyway you can, but keep contact with her casual. If you really want her back...you'll have to change, and not only that, she will have to see that you have.
Author moxie95 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 how do I show her i have changed without telling her Ive been about six time now to my therpist and she said that I have made great progress and understand what I have done and now have the tools to keep it from happening again. Its very hard waking up in the house we bought for family and its only moxie (dog) kit (cat)and myself her kit was her cat when we meet and I said that I would take care of her while she stay's at her dads. Because 5 of us is all I see in my future
Author moxie95 Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 I messed up i didn't keep thing calm I broke dowm telling her how much they mean to me and she got defensive and mad I tried my emotion got the best of me. what set things off is we got a house together in my name but for the three of us and I can't afford it by myself what do I do well I could but not be able to do or pay for anything else to I try to keep it or sell it for the fact that we might work things out?
norajane Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Get a roommate for your house - you can charge rent and use that to pay for some of the mortgage and expenses. Don't pressure her. Keep going to therapy. She's not going to believe you've changed in a couple weeks. You have to stay calm and give this time. You have a child together - you will keep seeing her, and she'll see the change in you OVER TIME.
Author moxie95 Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 ok I get what u are saying... the last thing she did was change my space status from in a relationship to single just yesterday what does that me that she is moving on and doesn't want to even see overtime that thier will be change? it kills me to think that she is putting herself out there. do i ask her about it or leave it alone?
norajane Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Don't ask her about it - leave it alone. I think she would see you questioning her as just more pressure, and I don't think she will take that too kindly. You have a long road ahead of you. Don't expect miracles, don't expect anything. Let things develop naturally. Just be a good father, and a good friend. If you can do that, she'll see the change.
Author moxie95 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 ok thank u sorry getting back so late have tried to stay busy with work I will take any other advise if u have any again thank u hope things are going well for u
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