HopelessinSC Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 If I ever get through this crisis in my life, I will never EVER get married again or let myself get in this situation. Everyone is so sad and depressed, just read all of these notes. Marriage is not only hard and a lot of work but IMPOSSIBLE. I'm not saying that I wouldn't date but my middle name will be independence! Not to mention that I am going to be sad for the rest of my life because I failed at this marriage. It does take two right. Arg! This is SO frustrating. Can we fast forward a year?
PWSX3 Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 I'm sorry to hear you are going thru a tuff time in your life. Just like others here, it will get better. Been there, working on it myself. If I ever get through this crisis in my life, I will never EVER get married again or let myself get in this situation. I would be careful with those words, I know two people that said the same thing and guess what? They are both married AGAIN! Everyone is so sad and depressed, just read all of these notes. That is because everyone here is going down the highway of life and just happened to hit the same bump in the road. Just think of all the people that have been on here, learned who they are, learned from there experience and now are living better lives because of it. Sure they might not be here anymore, but they were at one time & that will happen to you as long as you have a possitive outlook. Someone told me the other day; if we learn and better ourselves from a bad situation then it was worth the trip & I have to agree. My situation is my W left me in Sept. & moved out & it was the best thing that could have happened to me now that I look back. Sure at first I was a basket case but I am finding myself & if you try looking at yourself and say; self, how can I make me a better person you will see surprised what will happen!! Marriage is not only hard and a lot of work but IMPOSSIBLE. Have you read the section in the paper for anniversaries and seen people that have been married for 50 plus years? It IS POSSIBLE! I think anything that is worth having takes work, I'm a gear head so this is how I look at it, if you want to be the best driver on the race track it takes work, it takes time, you don't just get in a car and drive and so does a marriage. I'm not saying that I wouldn't date but my middle name will be independence! Not to mention that I am going to be sad for the rest of my life because I failed at this marriage. It does take two right. Arg! This is SO frustrating. Can we fast forward a year? Yes it takes two and I don't know your situation but you can only do your part. If the other person doesn't want to put in the effort then you didn't fail, you did what you could. You can't make the other person love you, they have to do that themselves. Pick up your chin, put a smile on your face and just tell yourself, it's time to make myself a better person.
Curmudgeon Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 If I ever get through this crisis in my life, I will never EVER get married again or let myself get in this situation. Everyone is so sad and depressed, just read all of these notes. Marriage is not only hard and a lot of work but IMPOSSIBLE. I'm not saying that I wouldn't date but my middle name will be independence! Not to mention that I am going to be sad for the rest of my life because I failed at this marriage. It does take two right. Arg! This is SO frustrating. Can we fast forward a year? With that approach a year isn't going to help because you're going to let this permeate your every approach to life. Divorce sucks! That's all there is to it. But it's divorce from only one person, not all of mankind. You didn't necessarily fail. The marriage did. It happens, about 50%of the time but the other 50% can be wonderful. I was in the "wrong" marriage for 25 years and it mercifully failed as well, about a dozen years after it should have. I, too, doubted I'd ever remarry. At tyhe age I was then it didn't seem likely, desireable or plausible. Two years after the divorce I finally asked someone out, a friend and former coworker I'd known for five years. Long story short - we celebrated our 10th anniversary last month, have married two months after that first date. I've never been happier or more content and what helps make it work is remembering the lessons I learned from the former, failed marriage. Never say never!
mum2three Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 That is inspiring and we are so glad you made it thru at LS to tell us about it!
Author HopelessinSC Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 Sorry about the attitude. Ya'll are very helpful to me. I am being very negative right now. I just feel so depressed right now and down in the dumps (and that is not usually my nature). I hate feeling this way. Ever feel like just crawling in a hole? I just thought that maybe things were going to work out. We were actually getting along since the mountain trip with the family which was a week and a half ago but here we go again. The same old issues. He said last night that I do nothing all day-I clean, do laundry, pick after him, and work as a transcriptionist. Then he said that I am not working with the kids enough on homework-they make STRAIGHT A's and one is in the gifted and talented program. The thing that started it all is that I didn't have one of my children ready for swim practice because she realized at the last minute her goggles weren't in her bag-so she missed it because the carpool was already late. I guess that was my fault but I had been telling them to get ready for the past hour. Anyway, I will get through this and I know things will get better but right now they suck.
MoonGirl Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 You know you're being the best mother you can be in this stressful situation! Keep your head up. We will be here to listen.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 26, 2007 Posted January 26, 2007 Hopeless, A little off topic but I wanted to comment on the "bad mother" thing. My children are 9 years apart so I actually got to see the "mistakes" I made with the first one in time to change it for the second. The worst mistake I made with my first was being a "good mother". I could never let her fail. Did homework for hours ever day. Made study sheets, planned her time. Spent days running to bring her what she had forgotten. By the time my second started school I had learned that I had failed to teach my daughter independence and consequenses. My son forgets his library book then HE pays the fine and can't check one out. You forget your lunch, I'll feed you when you get home. He is sooo much more responsible because HE had a chance to suffer for being irresponsible. HE reminds me he needs extra money, HE fills out his envelopes for school. What a difference it has made. Be careful of falling into the "good mom" trap- your kids need to learn that if you forget your goggles then there are reprecussions - THAT is teaching responsibility not being a "bad mom". I agree never say never - nothing wrong with saying not right now though! You need someone else to worry about right now like you need a hole in your head! Wish you the best in sorting things out right now.
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