brokenhart2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I'll make this as short as possible but it will be hard! I live with a male, best friend, known each other 10 yrs; I've had people he loves me but is scared of me, others say he's completely using me. I've been too chicken to start a conversation about it between us. Sometimes I love him and other times can't stand the sight of him. Don't know if I love or am in love. Several years ago, we were very close friends; he knew I loved him, but we never really discussed it. Then he got back with his ex. We didn't really see or talk to each other in 3 yrs; they were engaged and living together. Finally ran into each other at a wedding. I caught him checking me out cuz my appearance had drastically improved by then. Anyway, I started to hear the couple was having problems after while. He and I started calling each other just on holidays. One night he called me out of the blue and we met for a bite to eat. It was awkward cuz I didn't know why he called me. Then I got called away by friends so it was brief. Another night last summer, he called me again and invited me over to his place (by then his g friend had moved out-she left for another man). We messed around a little. I thought very little of it. Then next day, he called and said we should be roommates. Ok I thought it was a little odd, but financially it was a great idea. We always had so much fun together. Then, upon moving in, he said let's get a house when our lease is up. I agreed but I don't know why. At the beginning, we were affectionate, hugs "have a good day honey" yadda yadda. But if he had girls over, it ruined everything. But I am very good at acting cool, cuz if this is how he wants it, I'm stuck with it till the lease is up. So I might as well deal. He acted pretty strangely the one time I had a guy over. Then his teenage kids visit us on weekends. They get closer as time goes along. I think they are confused about my relationship with their dad. I blew up one night because he left the kids with me while he went out with buddies to scope chicks. I felt like it was unfair. I tried to explain it but he didn't understand. We all act as if we are this happy little family, until he gets on the phone with some chick. It kills me. At first, if I said I was cold he'd say "you need someone to hold you"; I looked at him like, what? He's concerned if I"m down, caring if I'm sick. But most of the affection has dissapated. I backed off. Since the big argument, things have been different. I've caught him staring at me a few times. We've been getting along great, even though I know of a girl he's seeing right now. I used to act angry about it, but decided to change my tune. He doesn't tell me much about the girl but I know because I have eyes and ears. However he doesn't hide it when he's on the phone talking sweet to her right in front of me. Last time he brought up the house, I blew it off. I know, what was I thinking by living with him. But what the hell was he thinking is what i want to know. I caught him staring at me just last night again, while I was sleeping on the couch. I am so confused.
norajane Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Yeah, you two shouldn't be living together. If you aren't seeing each other, he has every right to date other people, as do you. If you are jealous of his women, then this is a bad situation for you. While you wait til the lease is up, consider this guy as a friend, off limits to you. Live your own life, date other people, and make sure he doesn't use you as a babysitter without your permission. I'm unclear on why you both thought it was a good idea to move in together after one night of fooling around - were you intending on it only being friends and sharing finances? Was there more on the agenda? If you never talked about the "more" then I'm not surprised things are awkward - you never really agreed on the what you were really doing.
vanessabg Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Yeah, you two shouldn't be living together. If you aren't seeing each other, he has every right to date other people, as do you. If you are jealous of his women, then this is a bad situation for you. While you wait til the lease is up, consider this guy as a friend, off limits to you. Live your own life, date other people, and make sure he doesn't use you as a babysitter without your permission. I'm unclear on why you both thought it was a good idea to move in together after one night of fooling around - were you intending on it only being friends and sharing finances? Was there more on the agenda? If you never talked about the "more" then I'm not surprised things are awkward - you never really agreed on the what you were really doing. I agree to "norajane",I also don't understand about why you thought it was a good idea to move in together after one night of fooling around?
Author brokenhart2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 When we decided to move in together, we both made it sound like it was for financial reasons, and also because we've gotten along and have been friends for so long. Deep down I wondered if he had other intentions but when he had a girl over for the first time, I figured, I guess not. (This is also after telling him of a man I had over before he even moved into our new place); After putting pieces together later I realized, he really wanted me to move into HIS apartment but I couldn't break my lease, so I upgraded to a 2 bedroom instead. He just went along with it. But if in fact we went into it as just "roommates" for financial reasons, it's all the more reason why he shouldn't expect me to be with the kids while he's out; on the other hand, I can tell that he enjoys the fact that we all get along and act as a "family". When we decided to live together, I put the night of messing around back in the "never happened" part of my brain. Cuz obviously, we won't be able to mess around like that if we are roommates, cuz if we did, it would raise other issues. Right? If getting together for real was his intention, he obviously for some reason decided not to pursue it. I'm pretty sure he's physically attracted to me but I know it doesn't mean he's in love with me. However, what man would live with an attractive woman without intimate intentions? I see him check me out, I've heard him make remarks about me to his buddy..and just last night, he sent me a picture mail to my cell phone of his private parts!! When I asked him what it was, he said I will "find out someday". He's not stupid. I haven't expressed any desire to be intimate with him this whole time, so he outta know that if we get cozy, it better mean me and Only me. Duh.
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