Lilianfrance Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 [COLOR=black]Mom and I got off on the wrong foot. I was beaten a lot as a child. Don’t remember being hugged or kissed. She always ridiculed us infront of people. She knows how to be nice and tactful but with other people. Gives time and support to others and people think that we're lucky to have such a "nice" mom. I'm married with children now. But anger is torturing me. She is still rude to us. I have been her favourite child for years, because even when she banged my head at the wall I would stay quiet. Now, I'm fed up and angry. I answer back a lot and that is hurting her. I don't know. Should I stay away? I tried not seeing her on daily basis, but she got annoyed and complained. I tried spending time with her and all the rudeness is back- but this time with me answering back. Which is better? being there or staying away?[/COLOR] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/sIZE]
curiousnycgirl Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Best is to do what you are comfortable with and makes YOU happy, NOT her. I too came from a home with a very abusive mother. For several years we had no contact at all. Now we speak frequently but I have imposed limits, which she tries to cross constantly. Overall she remains a very selfish, immature, manipulative woman. You need to live your life for yourself, your husband and your children. She had her chance to be the center of your universe (as most mothers are to small children), and she blew it. If she gets annoyed and complains, tell her tough - this is the best you can or are willing to do.
CardPlay3r Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Clearly she abused you, and you haven't come to terms with all the abuse I think you find it normal on some level....first I think you should see a counselor specialized in abuse... And about the forgiving part....why? Isn't forgiveness for people that actually regret something they did? Instead of regretting she is continuing the abuse, so stay away and keep your children away from her. Maybe this can shed some light for you into the mindset of an abuser : http://www.drjoecarver.com/loser.html
lonelybird Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Hi,Lilianfrance I feel bad about what happened in your home. maybe you should stay away or less the contact with your mom TEMPORARILY until you clear up the negative things in your mind and build up healty boundaries between your mom and you. and nobody in this world is perfect, maybe your mom had a abusive childhood as you, maybe she was abused from somebody else. you have own child now, you know we couldn't keep perfect situation for our child all the time. you can be the CHANGER, not a VICTIM. for your child and you, and your mom. and forgiveness is very important. because unforgiveness is a burden to you, not to your mom or anyone else. ____________________ Jesus love you. Everyone is precious in HIS eyes. Everyone has special talent that nobody in this world can match. www.tbn.org
MotherGooze Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I have a similar story that might give you guidance. My mother also abused me when I was a child, and she was always away. When I was 9, I was in hospital because I was underfed. At the age of 15 I went on living with my father, and I Didnt see her for 5 years. She was the one making contact again, and at first I hesitated. But slowly we began to have contact again. Believe me, I can never forget what happened, but I forgave her. She will never lead my life ever again, or be a puppet on a string. So the advice I can give you is : Live your life the way you want it. If you want to give her another chance you can do so, but remember that it is your life now, you're in control of your own life. If she ever does anything again to hurt you, get the hell out. Even if she's your mother, you deserve respect.
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