isitpossible Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 My soon to be ex is still in the house because her new place is not ready. We still hang out and have fun with the kids. Our divorce will be final at the end of February. I have very low points when I think about how this could have been avoided. I worked to much (and was depressed about it) and she felt overwhelmed with the kids and felt like I didn't help enough around the house. etc. So she felt needy and found someone that could fill that gap. Bad comunication lead to this! What are the chances of getting back together if you make large improvements and are still close because of the kids? We still have the same goals and interests in life.
mum2three Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I was just wonder how old are your kids and if your wife are seeking full custody when she moves out. I am in your sitch I was the stay-at-home mom who was overwhelmed with everything and my H decided to seek an affair. He is filing for D today. Sorry, I can't really help you but there are some fabulous board members here that will give you some great insight and advice. Hang on.
bklk1227 Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I am in the exact same situation. Made a bad career move in '06 and the resulting depression and anxiety cost me marriage. My wife too filled the gap with an affair and we are separating this week. We to get along very well and are close to our girls 10 & 2. Divorce was not my idea. I would be willing to work on my marriage if my wife re-comitted to it. I feel right now separation is our only option and possible in time she may see that the affair and OM maynot be the right move. In the meantime, I've refocussed on finding a new job doing what I can to keep myself occupied with anything other than thoughts of how to win her back. This weekend was rough since we finally told my 10 y/o that separation and divorce will now be a part of her life. She was devastated. I know what I did wrong in this marriage - my wife on the other hand doesn't see anything she's done as wrong, yet. I know that until she admits responsibility for her affair, etc... we will never reconcile. Good Luck!
ilmw Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 My soon to be ex is still in the house because her new place is not ready. We still hang out and have fun with the kids. Our divorce will be final at the end of February. I have very low points when I think about how this could have been avoided. I worked to much (and was depressed about it) and she felt overwhelmed with the kids and felt like I didn't help enough around the house. etc. So she felt needy and found someone that could fill that gap. Bad comunication lead to this! What are the chances of getting back together if you make large improvements and are still close because of the kids? We still have the same goals and interests in life. Hi there, Sorry to hear you are now a member of the separation/divorce club. To start... there is nothing you can do to change her mind... it is her mind... all you can do... is work on you... There are so many books out there to guide you down this path... also personal counselling... can help you in identifying... what .. if any issues you may have bottled up...(it worked for me) found out I had issues... after so many years thinking I was the most put together person I knew... Once you can identify these issues...?? You can attack them head on... work them out for yourself.... exercise the demons so to speak.. As for changes... you do them for you... we can all use a little attitude adjustment once and awhile... and in a lot of relationships.. we forget this... (I'm no exception) You work on you... the DW may or may not see this a positive thing... it may make her stand up and notice.. you are more like the man she originally fell in love with... but is a big (may) There are no guarantees in this life... and relationships.. are definitely no exception. You work on you... improve you... if your DW comes around and wants to work this out with you... you will already be in a better place in your mind... more positive.. brighter outlook... and full of knowledge on how to make a relationship work... because after all the reading you had better do... you will have the knowledge, skills and abilities... you never had before... to actually have a chance in love/relationships. If you are like most guys and gals out there... we never really learned to be a good partner... because.. well we just don't really get each other....and our forms of communication are different. Once you figure this out... there is less chance you will miscommunicate your feelings... intentions..etc... So go get yourself to the library... books store.. and start your education now.... One book I would recommend is Divorce Busting... (google it) You can also check out places on the web.. like Marriage Builders.. It is a good start too... lots of good info.. for your situation... and can give you some encouragement. One last thing.... read lots of other peoples post on here.... you will see much advise given... it can be very helpful... take it all in... Also... you will find much support on here... post lots... and give it your all.. the more you seem to want to work on yourself.. the more I think the folks on here... will want to help.... this is one amazing place... full of some fantastic people who don't have to give a damn... but do anyway.. So make yourself comfortable Mr. cause you might be here for awhile. Take care of yourself... work out... get healthy/stay healthy.. eat right... get sleep..ok Be strong ilmw
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