aaaaaiiiiieeeee Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I haven't spoken with my wife who filed for divorce in a couple of weeks, but was considering sending her something for Valentines Day. I kept getting mixed signals after she told me she was filing for divorce and I know she's seeing someone else two weeks after breaking up with me (six years down the drain?) Sending something is probably a bad idea isn't it? I wanted her to know that I'm still crazy about her, but it might come across as me just being crazy. Suggestions
Art_Critic Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I kept getting mixed signals after she told me she was filing for divorce and I know she's seeing someone else two weeks after breaking up with me I fail to see how filing and letting the filing stand and seeing someone else is a mixed signal.. In fact it is saying that she wants out.. The rest.. you see what you are wanting to see.. any chance.. Why send someone trying to leave you anything on V-Day ? the best present you could give her is her wish.. Don't send her anything.. Let her new guy take care of V-day with her.. V-day is a day for lovers.. You and her are no longer lovers.. Personally I think signs of wanting a second chance are: she says she wants to come back and try again and pulls the filing from the courts as well as dumping the new guy.. Those are signs of wanting to reconcile.. anything else is wishful thinking and sending her flowers on V-day isn't going to get her to rethink the marriage. Have you tried setting her down and trying to get her to give it a second chance thru speaking with her?
Author aaaaaiiiiieeeee Posted January 22, 2007 Author Posted January 22, 2007 Well the telling me to leave is no mixed signal, but then she says it's ok if I stay to finish school. Then she says I don't want to help you anymore yells at the top of her lungs at me, and comes back a few minutes later and says she wants my address so she can send me money. She let's the occasional I love you slip and then says oh I didn't mean that. She tells me she's confused and doesn't want to hurt me and then tells me she's going to go call her boyfriend. I tried sitting down with her and talking it through and she tells me she'll think about it, followed by an "I will never take you back," followed by a bout of crying and how hard this is for her b/c she loves me. The next day she says how much she hates me and then tells me she still cares about me. I'm at my wits end b/c I love her still. She was never this crazy before, so I'm at loss to explain her behavior (not that I should even be trying), plus there are other things she does that are out of character for someone who says she doesn't love me anymore and has someone else in her life now. So it was a moment of weakness, thinking I should send her something on V-Day. Although I keep telling myself it's over, I can't accept what I say.
CaliGuy Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Well the telling me to leave is no mixed signal, but then she says it's ok if I stay to finish school. Then she says I don't want to help you anymore yells at the top of her lungs at me, and comes back a few minutes later and says she wants my address so she can send me money. She let's the occasional I love you slip and then says oh I didn't mean that. She tells me she's confused and doesn't want to hurt me and then tells me she's going to go call her boyfriend. I tried sitting down with her and talking it through and she tells me she'll think about it, followed by an "I will never take you back," followed by a bout of crying and how hard this is for her b/c she loves me. The next day she says how much she hates me and then tells me she still cares about me. I'm at my wits end b/c I love her still. She was never this crazy before, so I'm at loss to explain her behavior (not that I should even be trying), plus there are other things she does that are out of character for someone who says she doesn't love me anymore and has someone else in her life now. So it was a moment of weakness, thinking I should send her something on V-Day. Although I keep telling myself it's over, I can't accept what I say. Giving advice is easy. Taking advice is hard because your heart often overrides logic. Stop listening to your heart and listen instead to your head. Force yourself or you will make mistakes that will delay your healing.
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Let her live life without you in it. No calls, no talking, no friendship. If she loves you and misses you, makes an effort, then talk to her but until then, DO NOT SEND her a Vday card/gift. It will just hurt you. And I don't think it's possible to give her a gift without strings attached...IF she reacts at all, it might not be what you expected, and if she doesn't react at all, not acknowledging it, that will hurt you too. I agree with CG, listen to your head, not your heart. The heart and emotions make ya do/say things you'll regret later. The mind won't let ya down...
johnnytable Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Don't do it. She is with somebody else. Send flowers to somebody else.
notmakingsense Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Oh please don't do this.... it reeks with desperation. She's made her move, and it is all on her to reverse the decision. She knows you are crazy for her -- now she has to start thinking that you really can move on without her. It sounds like she's waffling/emotional -- you will totally screw up any chance you have unless she starts to respect you, and you grovelling at this point will not earn any respect.
Author aaaaaiiiiieeeee Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 instead of thinking it through. NC is hard, but the only way to go. Thanks!!
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