Author flowergirl Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 Anyway, ok, this is starting to really get to me. So, after I got my boyfriend to visit with my grandparents who've been in town, he reveals to me that he probably won't be going back over to my house again for a long time, excepting special occassions, because he keeps thinking that it'll be different when he goes over there, and it's not, so he's tired of dealing with my mom and her friend, who's always over there. So, that's one thing I have to deal with, trying to explain to my mother why he isn't over for dinner, and why he doesn't come over. Also, he has told me his philosophy about adult children and their parents. This philosophy is that you should love your parents, and always keep them in your heart throughout your life, but that you shouldn't be dependant on them after you've grown up, that the child should live their own life, as well as the parent. He thinks after you're an adult, the parent has done their job, and it's ok to have very occassional contact, but that you don't need your parents for emotional support after you've grown up. I swear sometimes my BF sounds like he's on something. This sounds like a monumentally unhealthy way to conduct your life, tryting to be so detached from your family. What do you guys think? Is this crazy or just a slightly different way of thinking?
Author flowergirl Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Ok, I'm having serious trouble. I told my BF last night I didn't wanna be with him anymore, but then changed my mind. I'm having serious problems dealing with his lackadaisical and hippieish way of thinking. for example, he says that he would never strive to be rich and succesful (if it happened fine), because he's against the capitalist system that makes people into emotional zombies, and they lose their soul. Happiness in the form of doing whatever you want and not selling out to the establishment (while still going to work and paying rent, thank goodness) is more his style. I tried to ignore that, but geez, this ain't the sixties, please, jump on the modern wagon, if you will. What normal adult thinks this way? I always perceived this line of reasoning to be for those who have difficulty with reality and don't wanna grow up and be functioning, responsible adults. I keep trying to tell myself that since I love him, I shouldn't let this get in the way, but it's hard. It goes against everything I've ever known and am familiar with. What do you guys think? Can two people who love each other but are somewhat opposite live happily ever after, and if so, can someone give me real, serious advice on how?
electric_sheep Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Inflexible idealism is definitely a sign of youth. It's an example of "absolutist thinking" and is probably responsible for all sorts of problems in the world... from lacksadasical hippies to suicide bombers. We live in a society where the youthful lifestyle and way of looking at things has been extended to an indefinite period of time (conceivably someone's entire life). As others have pointed out, there really is no 'right' or 'wrong' here. It's possible, as he continues to bang his head up against his idealism, he will one day become more pragmatic. It's also possible he will not. Society is very accomodating, and there are some nice organic water buffalo farms up in Vermont that might give him a job. They make good yogurt. Lots of anti-oxidants. Anyway, if you're gung-ho to get married right now, then I don't think you can avoid doing some soul searching (you may be better off letting him go and looking elsewhere). Otherwise, just enjoy yourself in the present moment with him... who knows what tomarrow may bring. On the practical side... you should sit down and seriously consider how his philosophy is impacting you, and how you believe it may impact you in the future. After all, philosophy is one thing, but actions are actually concrete. I wouldn't make serious decisions based on philosophy or attitudes or thoughts, or anything else intangible like that.
Author flowergirl Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Hi, Electric Sheep, thanks for your post. LOL about the organic farm. No, no, no, he's a carnivore to the utmost. He'll gnaw on a piece of meat and be in heaven. Anyway, I'm terribly thankful he has a steady, paying job, it's just some of his philosophy sounds strange sometimes, and I've always associated it with irresponsible, lazy people. He has a steady, paying job, it's just that he procrastinates, and that bugs me. I must admit, I'm a tinge jealous that he actually has somewhat of a charmed life, because things happen for him, not that he doesn't take advantage of opportunities, but he's been lucky that his philosophy hasn't really been a problem for him in life.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 How old is your BF? And also- sorry to sound harsh but if you dump him and keep changing your mind he might lose patience with you- and the option to change your mind may no longer be viable, if you get my drift. Flower, you need to chill out. IF this stuff bugs you SO much, your BF is going to bug you forever, cos it sounds like he is happy with his lot and who he is, which is admirable. I don't think he will change. Life is about more than money and perceived success. My BF is in a job that pays well, but its capped- if we both keep doing what we are doing, our incomes will never be really high. But we both love our jobs, and are happy together, and that to me is a better measure of success. And to put a few things in perspective- I have a very close relative who lost the use of all four limbs permanently when he was 16. He is now nearly 30. NO amount of money will buy that back. I have just been in Africa, and seen people with nothing much except a couple of goats- and these people still manage to smile, laugh, have families and be happy. We get fixated on material wealth, politics and keeping up with the Jones's. And it drives me nuts. Flower, if you keep stressing about stuff like this you will never be happy.
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 PS- I actually do agree with Electricsheeps post. What I am trying to say is that life is about striking a balance. And learning to be happy with it... and not stressing too much about stuff in the future. Cos things can change..
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