RadioFreeEurope Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 She and I met by chance two years ago. We instantly became friends, and had fallen for each other after a couple of months. I can't begin to describe how well we seemed to fit together. Some people say opposites attract, but that wasn't us. We think the same way, talk the same way, and believe the same crazy things. We're both very introverted and never took an interest in other people. We've essentially been long-distance from the beginning. When we met, I was 19 and in college, and she was 17 and a senior in high school near my hometown. I visited every three weeks and we talked on the phone every night, and it was great. The next summer I came back to live with my parents and work full-time. We saw each other every weekend and we were closer than ever. When she got a scholarship to a different university than mine we never thought it would be a problem. Like I said, we had been long-distance since the beginning. At the end of the summer, two days before our 1st anniversary, we had sex for the first time. Then we said our goodbyes and she flew away the morning of our anniversary while I was at work. We talked on the phone every night for the next four months. I had a bad few months in school, and I also started to feel abandoned, so our phone conversations slowly became less about communicating and more about making me feel better. She became frustrated with me, but lied about it and let me go on like it didn't bother her. I guess I became a bit of a burden without knowing it. When I finally saw her again in December, she wouldn't kiss me. It was understandable at first but after a few days it started to get to me. I finally got her to tell the truth. She said she just wasn't attracted to me anymore. She told me how I'd been a burden and we agreed that I would stop being negative all the time and she would stop lying. We did eventually have some affectionate moments but most of the time she was cold and didn't seem to enjoy my company. Now we're apart again and our phone conversations are good again. She says she loves me but still has no romantic feelings for me. We're the same people we were when she left. All that's changed is that we didn't see each other for four months and I was annoying on the phone for six weeks or so. I know that there isn't another guy involved because she would have broken up with me first. She says that maybe it will all come back this summer but she doesn't feel like it will. I know we're still a great match but we've lost the spark. Is this normal? Will her feelings come back this summer, when we're together again? How can I increase the chance of that happening? Is it even possible to fall _back_ in love? Is this going to happen to us every year until she graduates? How can we prevent it or cope with it? Please help. I have no experience and I don't even know what happened.
Steph21 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 I've heard it's kind of a sad but true fact that the "spark" generally goes away within a year or two and never returns. That's why it's important to find someone who is compatible with you in other ways. Most relationships at this age end anyway (also sad but true). At least she is being honest with you about the attraction being gone. Some people lie about that for a long time!
UnicornGirl Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Aww. I'm so sorry! Well. I think the best thing you could do is move on, focus on taking care of yourself, and then find someone who is CRAZY about you (they're out there!). She seems, from what you've said, not emotionally prepared to love you the way you love her, and while you can sympathize with her and be willing to wait for her, as a survivor of being horrifically dumped, in a similar manner to this actually, TWICE, I would say it's best to move on. I am happier now and my life is for the better now that I've found someone else that things are working out with. (If it doesn't work out, better luck is in store for me in the future, I'm sure! There are so many people out there.) I promise she'll regret it in some way (they always do), but by then you'll be on your own path to happiness. If you need to talk, I am here!
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