myhotrod123456789 Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 So I posted my story yesterday. But I wanted to get some opinions on this as well. I have hung out with my ex about 6 times in the last 4 mo's that we've been split up. The first few times had crying involved and moments where I was very frustrated with the situation (ive made it clear to her that I want a second chance). Then, more recently, I have succeeded in avoiding those moments. And a lot of the times have gone really well and we have a good time together. When there was a crying meetup after a smooth meetup, we both agreed that the non-crying night was so much better and we should have more like that. Anyways, the last time I saw her about 2 weeks ago, we briefly talked about 'us' at the end of the night. And she said something like 'When we hang out and have a good time, I think that I know what I have to do.' In the way she said it, it meant that she knew that she should give it another shot. She also said something like 'I wish we didnt have to end these fun nights with talk about relationship stuff'. By saying these things, it makes me want to continue to hang out with her and have enjoyable times together. Similar to the Blase Harris philosophy. Am I wrong in expecting something to come from this or is this her way of getting to hang out with me and not having to deal with the situation?
norajane Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 is this her way of getting to hang out with me and not having to deal with the situation? I haven't read your other thread, so I don't know what happened with your relationship. But the answer to this question is most likely YES. She doesn't want to deal with the situation more than she already has. The question should be, is that enough for you? Has she dealt with it to your satisfaction? Or do you need more from her? Does she understand and acknowledge the problems? Does she admit to her part in them? Has she offered to do anything to resolve your issues? Change any behavior? Put yourself first.
notmakingsense Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 My ex was like this -- and it all came down to her wanting a relationship with me on HER terms, without much consideration to MY needs. Whenever the topic of US came up -- she would shut me down, because the conversation was inevitably about why I was unhappy. Once again, NJ has a great post, because it does come down to whether or not you are paying attention to your needs. Just going out and having a fun time with her will result in pleasant nights in the moment -- but will you be fundamentally happy with the way things would go from there? If not, you need to stick with the breakup and find someone who works at meeting your needs in addition to satisfying her own.
RecordProducer Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 She is not only not ready to give you another chance and she might never be, but you're also putting a lot of pressure on her and that additionally turns her off. Stop crying, stop chasing her. Tell her you're dating other girls and one of them is really, really relationship material. Yes, make up lis if you want her back! Start calling her less and less frequently and go to your "other girlfriend" after spending a couple hours with your ex. Find the hottest girl in the street and ask someone to take a picture of you two then show your ex how sexy and stuuning your new GF is. At the same time, tell her how you realize what mistakes you've made in your relationship and you intend to work on your faults and smoothen them out... anything for your new girl.
Author myhotrod123456789 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Posted January 22, 2007 thanks for the quick responses! i love this site. anyways, i wasnt bothered by this in the sense that this was because she wanted to do things on her terms. in fact, as long as i didnt come away from those talks with her saying 'i want to try again', i was dissapointed. so i agree that its better to have fun memorable times together. i have warmed up to the idea that she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me right now and it is something that i cant (and really shouldnt) convince her of. i dont feel the need to write her emails about my emotions/the relationship or when we talk on the phone to talk about this stuff. that one night she opened up to me about a lot of very personal family issues that she was having. so it just put me in a weird spot because i felt like i was acting like her pseudo boyfriend. annnnnnnnyways, i guess my question was less about whether it is right/wrong for her to do this and more about if these are things that someone could genuinely say. and thats probably a silly question since im sure it varies from person to person. but to me, in general, it seems illogical that an ex would say these things to you knowing full well that i have made it clear that i would like a second chance. it would almost be like she'd be setting me up to be let down if things dont go as planned.
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