hrtbroken99 Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 for those who have wrote a letter to an ex..what was the experience like even if you you were not or were expecting a response back did it still give you a peace of mind knowing you still wrote the letter and expressed what you needed to?
Go_Chicago Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I have only written one apology to someone, who was an ex. I can tell you first hand that you don't write the letter for them. You write it for yourself, and it just so happens to be that it is going to someone. You write to rid yourself of the internal turmoil you have bottled up because you feel you did something inappropriate. You will feel much better once you have done this and hit the send key. Don't expect an answer though, as this is not what your intention should aim for. Chica
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I wrote a letter to my first love apologising for some of my actions in my relationship with him. I wrote it for me, but I did send it to him. Surprisingly, I received a response from him apologising for his actions. It was a real closure. I've still got the letter and I read it again about a year ago (it was several years when we broke up). It made me happy that I'd wrote it. However, I would never write a scornful letter. It's how you feel at that moment but years in the future, I would feel differently and I wouldnt want an ex keeping a letter full of my pain.
Art_Critic Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I have only written one apology to someone, who was an ex. Same here.. I did write the letter to acknowledge my doing or screwup in the relationship and my willingness to correct it and make things right with my ex.. Which I did correct and did make the changes. She didn't reply.. she never spoke to me ever again after the breakup...Her loss.. I'm a great guy with a great future and lots of love inside me.. Now I'm giving it to someone new.. If you write the letter then write it with the intention of moving on.. also do it after enough time has passed that you can look at things with a clear eye..I'm sure your ex made mistakes too and if you truly see those then you might not write the letter.. The only mistake I made when I wrote the letter(s) was I wanted her back.. Today I see that was a mistake.. She wasn't worth having back after I looked at how she treated me during the relationship.
Tormented Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 for those who have wrote a letter to an ex..what was the experience like even if you you were not or were expecting a response back did it still give you a peace of mind knowing you still wrote the letter and expressed what you needed to? I recently did this, but I did it for me, not him. I chose writing a letter over a face to face meeting with him as he requested. The result? Although he hasn't directly contacted me since I sent the letter, he's called my cell phone with a disguised voice and has driven by my house a few times....revving the engine to make sure I'd hear him and know he's around. I am glad I sent it and feel a sense of closure. I couldn't do it before because I wasn't ready. And there's the ticket...don't write it UNTIL you're ready for closure, when you're finally done and ready to move on. DON'T write it with the expectation of a response or reconciliation. In most cases, that won't happen. If you write the letter with NO expectations other than to purge yourself of the hurt and anger you've carried around and plan to walk away - for good - then I'd say go for it. ~T~
myhotrod123456789 Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 i wrote a letter about 3 or 4 weeks after breaking up with my ex. it might be one of the best things ive ever written. and it all came out so naturally, it was pretty amazing. i think i only went back and edited one sentence in the whole thing. anyways, it was not meant to pressure her or anything. it was me acknowledging where i had been wrong. i did write it with the hope that it would pique her interest in me again. while she did love it and saved it (she has showed it to me since), she only responded by saying that it was exactly what she wanted to hear from me... i think referring to the fact that i wasnt giving ultimatums or anything. so, was a little dissapointed, but i impressed myself with my writing prowess. sooooo, yea. you should write something, but dont have any expectations from the other side.
D-Lish Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I agree with all the aforementioned advice about having no expectations. You may choose to write it and not send it- or you may choose to send it. Believe me, it's cathartic just to write it. I did write and send a letter to my ex... and I didn't get a response. At least not until months later. My mistake was that I was hoping that sending the letter would inspire a reconciliation. That was a mistake on my part... because it set me up for rejection all over again. If you have no expectations- you won't be setting yourself up for further heartbreak. D
Double D Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 I sent a letter to my ex after 3 months of breaking up. Unlike most others I did it for her more than me as I wanted to see if we could be friends and possibly one day more. Agree with the advice, dont expect anything back or have any expectations then you wont feel too disappointted if you dont receive anything back. Its soul searching and even though she did reply and it was definatley not what I wanted to hear Im glad I sent it and glad she replied. I think it has helped me really start moving on and realise it is very much over between us. We stay positive all the same!
Dubb Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 I just wrote a letter last weekend to my EX. I am stuck in the weirdest situation so I am always second guessing myself. I guess I was looking for closure but got none. Why can't people just close the door instead of keeping you thinking?
kimba Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 I had to write a letter to my ex best male friend because the things I wanted to tell him were keeping me awake at night. I sent it this afternoon. I am not expecting a response because as far as he's concerned the friendship is over. It felt really good to spit out the feelings onto paper. The thing is though that you should never write it while you are still angry. You need to sound calm and rational in the letter. You want to be not embarrassed or ashamed of the letter in 5 years. Because I suspect people keep these letters and you don't want them looking back and thinking you were a bitch and they made the right decision.
Am4Real Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 I sent a letter to my ex after 3 months of breaking up. Unlike most others I did it for her more than me as I wanted to see if we could be friends and possibly one day more. Agree with the advice, dont expect anything back or have any expectations then you wont feel too disappointted if you dont receive anything back. Its soul searching and even though she did reply and it was definatley not what I wanted to hear Im glad I sent it and glad she replied. I think it has helped me really start moving on and realise it is very much over between us. We stay positive all the same! I wrote a letter for all the reasons posted here, closure for me, closure for her, explanation of things that were not said. There was no drama – no blame – an apology – and a gesture of love, peace and best wishes. I was comforted by writing that letter and proud of the positive and perhaps humane articulation of the realities of what it is like to let go. I had no expectations except to acknowledge to this person she was important to me (she didn’t believe she was). I was very sincere. Two weeks later I received a response (unexpected by me). That letter missed my points, missed my meaning, missed the sincerity I articulated and was filled with belittlement, scorn, anger and revenge. It was semi-dramatic. She harbors under seeded feelings and perhaps her writing to me will expose them and heal her, who knows. My point is much like all of you but just be prepared your or my good intentions may not be seen as such by the other person which eventually comes back at you/me in ways that were not expected. And that can make you (me) hurt all over again! Am4Real
Am4Real Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 I did write and send a letter to my ex... and I didn't get a response. At least not until months later. My mistake was that I was hoping that sending the letter would inspire a reconciliation. That was a mistake on my part... because it set me up for rejection all over again. Hey "D", I wanted to ask, did you decide not to pursue anything with the single Dad? Am4Real
Distracted Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 I wrote my letter because I wanted to be able to say what I had to say without the emotion of a face to face meeting. It allowed me to say what was in my heart without having to be afraid of breaking down and crying in front of him because I was so angry and hurt. I didn't expect a response, mostly because for him to respond he would have had to admit what a jerk he had been to me, but it felt good to "say" the things that I wanted. I wasn't unkind, but I also told him how I felt and I'll also say I don't think a letter a good way to reconcile. Putting the words on paper means that they can be used against you one day if you do- especially if you put things in your letter that you don't mean but are saying in an effort to lure him/her back. But its a fantastic way to say get those feelings off your chest and start moving on. I wrote my letter 6 months after we broke up, and the minute I wrote it I started feeling better and truly moving forward.
Am4Real Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Putting the words on paper means that they can be used against you one day if you do- especially if you put things in your letter that you don't mean but are saying in an effort to lure him/her back. Hello Distracted, The above quote is an excellent observation and one of the main reasons that advisors and professional therapists may support writing a venting letter to help things get out, but DO NOT suggest ever sending it. Venting is the key word. Another trick to get yourself a digital or mini tape recording device and record a one-way conversation as if you were in the same room with that person. You can let it all out with no interruptions or distractions! It worked for me. Am4Real
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