Guest Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 My friend and I have worked together for ten years and have developed a close relationship, mostly because he persued it. I am convinced that he was determined that he was going to make me like him one was or another. I was pretty miserable back then. I have gone through a lot emotionally and he was really there for me. We have spent time together outside of work and I have shared pretty much everthing that has happened in my life over the past ten years and to be honest I have never been as close to anyone in my life. My feelings for him have ranged from love to hate. One of his habits that drives me crazy is that he won't come out an ask something. He does this thing called "planting the seed" where he throws out little hints so I will metion the thing that he didn't want to ask or gring up. I admit that our friendship has been dysfunctional, codependent and very unhealthy at times but I am afraid to let go of him because I'm not close to anyone else. For the past year and a half we haven't worked in the same department but we are still in the same building and see each other daily. Over the past few years I have been working through my own personal issues and have grown greatly. Before I always saw him as the strong one and I was the messy one. Now I am able to see the truth more clearly. The big truth that I see is that my friend is gay. I have been realizing this slowly over time and have been sure of it for a few years. It is not his sexuality that bothers me, it's the fact that he will not acklowledge it to me in any way. I hear through the grapevine at work that so and so saw him at a gay bar and when they mentioned to him at work he said he was but he didn't like to talk about it at work. He also talks about being friends with a few people that I know are gay. He doesn't want to be seen as gay by his "peers" I get that. But I thought I was his friend?! There have been time that I wonder if he hasn't been trying to "plant the seed" to get me to figure it out for myself so I will tell him that I know he's gay and tell him I don't care, which I don't. I feel that if something is important enough for your friend to know then you should tell them yourself and not just leave for them to "figure it out" . I'm not gay and I don't know what it feel like to "come out" and I'm sure it's not easy. We're talking about a 37 year old man here. I want to tell him to grow up and start acting like one. He's played so many other games over the years that I guess I don't have much empathy this time. I feel a bit better getting this off my chest. Any feedback will be appreciated.
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