al8765 Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Hi everyone. I've been Googling "How to survive a break up," "how to be friends with an ex," etc and this site kept showing up. Let me tell you what's going on... My ex and I broke up within the past week. We were together for almost two years and lived together for one year. For the past few months, we just weren't as happy as we used to be and proceeded to argue more and more. Needless to say, he decided that he didn't want to stay anymore and moved in with his best friend (who is going through a divorce). He tells me that he wants to be friends, even close friends. It seems like we have just been friends the past few months anyways. I still like him but I don't know if I would ever want to get back together - he told me that he is not interested in getting back together. He says he loves me and cares for me but doesn't have those romantic feelings anymore. We adopted a puppy together last year and we are going to take care of her together. It is hard waking up in the morning knowing that he is not there and coming home at night knowing that he's going some place different. He says he doesn't want to be in a relationship and prefers to be independent. He started moving his things out yesterday so reality kicked in. I now have an empty house and he is living with his best friend. I just don't know how to handle everything. We still talk alot to each other and he has agreed to give me my space until I am comfortable being friends. Sometimes it feels like I am ready and other times I want to scream, why can't we work this out! (which we tried to do several times). How do you become friends with an ex? He was my best friend for two years and it feels weird not having him around every day.
letter-to-elise Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Take your time!!! My personal opinion is to go with no contact for a while until you are completely sure that you are no longer in love with him. You cannot be friends with a man you are consciously or subconsciously in love with. Without being an expert, I'd suggest that you do not communicate with him until you stop thinking about him/yearning for him every day and until it does not feel strange to come home to an empty house. When you notice that you have not thought about him for a week / two weeks, well then maybe it is time to resume contact and become friends? Love, Elise
Author al8765 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 It is hard to avoid contact because he is still moving his things out of the house. Plus, he's concerned about me and how I am holding up as well as how our puppy is doing. I would like for us to be friends. This is not my first break up. I dated someone for 3 years until he became abusive and was engaged to someone else until he cheated on me. I just thought my ex was "the one." Its just odd how the past few days we have been nicer to each other than we were in the past month.
letter-to-elise Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I understand the problem, but I stick to my advice His concern for you is understandable, but misplaced, I think. I am concerned about my EX as well, but that is not a valid reason for staying in touch - that would simply prolong the agony. I genuinely believe that you can only become friends when the romantic feelings are gone. If they are gone, then you become friends with an ex just like you would with any other person. If they are still there, you cannot be friends - yet. Just my two cents
Author al8765 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 Good advice. I haven't had romantic feelings for awhile - hence the reason our relationship just seemed like good friends living together. I still love him because he is so important to me.I just want to be able to spend time with him and not feel awkward. I think that's the part that is bothering me the most. That now I have all of this time on my hands that I spent on our relationship. I have accepted that our relationship is over - neither one of us were happy lately. We ended it for that reason.
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