ratingsguy Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I beginning to come to terms with the fact that it very well may be over between me and my xMW. It is incredibly sad, but I am recovering... albeit slowly. Luckily we were only seriously involved for a few months, so getting over her shouldn't be all that difficult compared to a longer term R. I have it in my head that I am in NC mode for a week (I won't contact her), at which time I'll reexamine my next move. If I haven't heard from her, it will likely be more NC. One of the dymnamics at play here is that she is a very wealthy woman who lives in a $1.5 million dollar home. I'm an average 31 year old guy who rents a nice apartment. Was it unrealistic to think that this would go anywhere based on the money issue? Am I shallow if I admit that I will miss the fact (and am somewhat jealous) that she had money? She would buy me nice things, promise to take me on trips, etc. (of course I would do nice things for her, but not to the same extent). And in the grand sceme of things, do you think she has no intention of ever getting together with me (even after her recent separation) and was I just played?
Freedom Now Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 We will never know her feelings, as she doesn't post here. Perhaps you were an "exit affair" for her to get out of her marriage. Come on, ratingsguy, you wouldn't have been happy being with a woman who "kept" you anyway, would you? (Even when she is available...) She has her freedom after many, many years.... She is going with the flow in her life. I did much the same thing, but I didn't have an affair to leave my marriage. But, freedom tastes sweet when you have been tied to one man for so many years. Give her all the space she needs. If she wants you, she will find you.
Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I ve been following your threads and I m sorry to never answer...I did not find wise things to say. I think you should move on....after all you waited for her to divorce, and now she's just giving you scraps (even if she's nice and honest about it) I know it's easy to say...myself right now I m broken hearted and ended my 2 yr affair, but i say it with all my heart: You seem to be a great guy, smart, lovingg and the best age....go get a beautiful, smart young woman like you!!!! There are plenty who really are worth it. This woman is in another dimension now. Do NC for yourself, not to get her back, you' ve been through enough already. Hope I wasn t too harsh or direct, but I think you deserve better.
Woggle Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 This is what you get for dating a married woman. If she would cheat on her husband then she will play you. Never think you are the exception. I am sorry but I can't feel sorry for people who stick their hand in the piranha tank and get bitten. You brought this on yourself.
Ladyjane14 Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 In your very first thread, you stated that the MW was thinking about fixing you up with one of her friends. ...she wants to try and find me a girl to start a relationship with... someone in her circle... maybe the daughter of a friend or something. You didn't want to believe there was something significant to be had in that particular information at the time. In light of how this thing is panning out, maybe you ought to reevaluate the importance of it. People who are deeply in love... don't want to share their lovers. That's just human nature. This woman's offer to fix you up, regardless of all the nice words should have told you something.
cbl Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 if i remember it correctly, your xMW is quite a few years older than you, right? being older and richer doesn't mean she was playing you. it could be any one of the million reasons why she chose to be with you. when you two were together, did you two ever discuss about your plans or goals for life? either hers, yours, or the plan of you two together? getting married, having kids, or her just being single for the rest of her life but enjoy ever moment of her life? what's her attitudes towards life? did she ever mention that she missed anything in life that she always want to pursue when she get back to single again? one thing that i learned about dating, as i get older, is that i am practical about each other's plan for life. if i want to get married and have my own kids, i would not want to be with someone who consider they are done with the responsibilities for a family and kids - because going through the whole cycle again, supporting the pregnant wife, changing diapers, financing the kids to the best schools, .... in the next 20 years for a mature man who's ready for retirement but not rich enough to do this again, is painful. exit affair or not, she's at least single again. you should look at the brighter side of this affair. just give it some time....
Author ratingsguy Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 In your very first thread, you stated that the MW was thinking about fixing you up with one of her friends. That's true, but she mentioned that while we just having an A, but weren't emotionally close at that point. Our real emotional bond did not come until later. I think now that she's separated, she wants to be fair to me by telling me to see other people while she explores her newfound freedom. Maybe I'm totally wrong.
Author ratingsguy Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 cbl - Good points. I'm 31 and she's 46. I know at this point in her life that she needs to travel and would like to retire to her home in Italy in the next few years. She's been honest with me in that she sees strong similiarities and things we have in common, but she also recognizes the differences... age, travel and kids being the big obstacles. I've told her that age and kids don't matter much to me, and we can work around the travel. The company I work for is global, so moving overseas may not present a problem. We recognize that we're at different stages in life, which seem to concern her more than me. Giving it time is all I can do.
Author ratingsguy Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 LJ - To add the the post I made above, I can also say that she knew that I was looking for a relationship with someone (not her at the time) and she recognized the potential in me to be a perfect partner for someone.
cbl Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 cbl - Good points. I'm 31 and she's 46. I know at this point in her life that she needs to travel and would like to retire to her home in Italy in the next few years. She's been honest with me in that she sees strong similiarities and things we have in common, but she also recognizes the differences... age, travel and kids being the big obstacles. I've told her that age and kids don't matter much to me, and we can work around the travel. The company I work for is global, so moving overseas may not present a problem. We recognize that we're at different stages in life, which seem to concern her more than me. Giving it time is all I can do. she probably just thought that it's unfair if you give up those things in life which you haven't even tried. maybe at this moment she thought that if she does it all over again, she would not get married again? (just an example) she probably want you to see things that she wasn't able to see when she was younger... in my mind that's her way of showing her love to you. maybe, after she enjoys her new found freedom and things settle a bit on her side, if you have the chance in the future, make a plan with her and show her that you are not putting your life on hold when you'll be with her? for example, how your career path advances if you move to italy with her? how does moving to italy help you positively in building "your" life and your life with "her"? etc. at the same time, may i suggest that you go out and date other girls? hey sunday afternoon in a bookstore will be a good time to chat with a girl who likes to read, if you are into reading as well. or visit the gym to charm a girl who's into fitness, if that's what you usually do. maybe that will bring you new perspectives? hang in there
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I can also say that she knew that I was looking for a relationship with someone (not her at the time) and she recognized the potential in me to be a perfect partner for someone. She got selfish and thought of herself. She saw her way out of her marriage, with your love and support...But now, she's more or less free - Doesn't want to be tied down. I don't think she thought things through at all, as selfish as she is, try not to think of it as a big master plan to screw you over. She cares about you, but not enough to let you BE in her life as a partner. I'm sure it hurts, but you gotta forget her. Actions...And her actions are showing you alot. She's not being upfront with you either, NC or not, she's put you on the backburner.
magichands Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 , she's put you on the backburner. Is that some mythical place where a piece of arse is kept warm? Or a pair of testicles.
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